Pt. 1 Summary (must read)
My girlfriend told me about a rape fantasy she had asks asked me to recreate it with her for her own peace of mind.
“I want us to take a shower,” she tells me looking at me from the mirror. I wonder what her intention is after experiencing such a violent and vulnerable scenario not more than 5 minutes ago. She, being already naked as I am, simply turns on the shower head and adjusts the hot water. She stands in the shower stall waiting for me.
I follow her in, watching her drench her body and hair, refreshing herself from all the bodily fluids. She stands aside and let’s me do the same. I turn around to look at her. I feel like I don’t recognize her. She doesn’t look like my girlfriend. She is a rape victim, a sexually exploited person, traumatized even. I walk up to her to hug her, and suddenly I break out in tears. I sob onto her shoulder, emotionally broken, feeling that this perception I seem to have of her was my fault. I consented to this act with her, it’s what she wanted, and whether she got what she wanted out of it, or if she gave into my exploitation of her at some point, I was unsure.
“What’s wrong,” she asked me with such concern.
“I never wanted to harm you and now I feel like you think I’m some rapist.”
“That’s not true,” she says, “I wouldn’t have asked you to do it if I wasn’t sure what would happen between us. We were both strong before it happened, and we are stronger now. I feel stronger that I lived and experienced one of the most frightening things of my life. And you are stronger, because you came out of your comfort zone to experience your own fear.”
Her words were soothing, calmed me and stopped my tears. I look to her eyes, and I see she was right. She was not hurt, she was not in pain, she lived through this and I was with her. She caressed me more and gavee a kiss, the softest kiss I’ve ever had. So gentle and warm, it travelled all over my body. I feel myself getting g hard as she continues kissing me. I could feel my head rubbing on her clit, and she opens her legs wider.
She pins herself to the shower wall and lifts her leg, letting me slip my hard cock inside her. I don’t fuck her, she takes control now. She makes a sudden turn, keeping me inside her, and now pinning me to the wall. She starts to fuck me, not giving me room to move. She grips my hips with one hand and gripes the back of my neck, supporting herself as she fucks me. She goes faster and harder, not breaking eye contact. Her face is a mix of pleasure and aggression. I can’t move, I’m not allowed to, I can barely move to the direction of her wet pussy. Suddenly she stops and instead, without breaking eye contact, slips my chock into her tight asshole.
I feel her asshole, still gaping from when I fucked and came inside her. She continues fucking me, giving me no room to move except towards her asshole. She fucks me harder and faster with the same et contact. I feel her ass cumming on my cock but she doesn’t stop, she is wont stop until I cum again in her ass. My balls feel so drained and sore from before. She says things and does things that make me want to cum, begging for my cum, and though I’m tired, she doesn’t stop as her tits bounce a spray water everywhere. Eventually I came in her ass, another tight and pulsating orgasm inside her. My body feels weak and my head feels light and foggy. She gets off me and continues to shower and clean herself.
By the time I recover she walks off and begins to dry herself. I take one more drenching of the shower to wake me up. I step out the shower and she smiles at me. “Did you enjoy that?”
“It was different, definitely. You never used to like anal before all this.”
“I would have thought you understood that from what happened earlier,” she says, with a perplexed look in her eyes. Her face began to give me confusion.
“We talked about it, this was something that you wanted to explore because it frightened you,” I tell her.
“It’s true, but at some point during it all I just gave in and it became more enjoyable the rougher you got.”
It didn’t seem that way to me. She says scared, and coerced into submission. She wanted me to engage in a rape fantasy of hers, and I delivered. She looks at me still with my confused look. “Do you not remember everything that happened?”
I shake my head. She smiles and tells me to follow her back into the room. She points to the opposite corner of the room away from her bed. I saw a camera with a tripod stand, the red light was on, and she goes to turn it off. “You recorded the whole thing?”
She pulls the camera off the tripod, and played back the recording of the whole thing. I began to witness my rage, my ruthlessness, my complete disregard for human dignity as I forced her from one part of the room to the other, forcing her to take my cock however I pleased, even spitting in her face, smacking her, treating her like an inanimate object. But what I was hearing her say through this whole maltreatment of her was anything but. She said things like “Hit me harder”, ” Treat me like the fucking whore I am”, and even asking me to fuck her asshole, which I thought was something that did on my own. Suddenly I didn’t feel right. I didn’t recall a majority of what was recorded, I had blacked out of my own consciousness, and thinking I was acting on my own, I felt now I was acting as an object of her desire. Did I consent into a rape fantasy? Did I actually rape her? Did she coerce me into raping her? What actually happened here? Why did she record it, and did I consent to having this recorded? And now left to witness my brutality that I felt was not my own actions?
And what do I make of what occurred in the shower? I had broken down in tears to her because of my actions, and she took advantage of my by pinning my against the shower wall. I was her object, I didn’t ask to fuck her, she just took my erection as consent, and spared no time to soothe my emotions enough. Maybe that was another one of her fantasies that she wanted to engage in, and I followed blindly. I don’t know what to think, what to feel, what I am. Am I a rapist? Was I raped? What did and didn’t I consent to? Did she violate me in the shower? What am I to her? Am I the object? Did she want to be treated like an object? My mind can never settle because of this, and I feel lost, broken, witnessing a brutality that I wasn’t sure I wanted. I sit in the darkness with all this, feeling like I can’t control my thoughts. I feel violated, even though I was the one violating. The act of sex itself is violent, the penetration into someone’s body, broken down physical barriers, screams from continued penetration. And all violence no matter the form, creates trauma, long lasting emotional scars that are not easily healed.
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/t6cxxr/me_and_my_girlfriend_pt_2_mf