Just to be transparent, in this scene the character is thinking about a potential rape. Its not overly graphic, and fairly brief. But its there, so be warned.
Edit: the main character also mentions a “kid.” The “kid” is 18. Hes being called a kid because of the age difference between the two characters.
I’m attempting to write an erotic story. And have some basic ideas so far. The story is in the third person, but im having some trouble depicting internal dialog of my character. I can’t decide if he should be thinking in first person (as if her were speaking). Or if I should be writing it as if it was an action. I have posted an excerpt below.
John was hot. Completely mortified and utterly humiliated. No doubt they would be the talk of the night. The embarrassing and inappropriate bitch wife, and the pansy husband that let her walk all over him. Here he was, wrestling his incapable wife into the back of his car. She was completely annihilated, and so totally soaked she hadn’t made one fucking sound this entire time. Merry was completely exposed. Her dress came loose with all the tugging and pushing, and was bunched up around her stomach. She was lousy, an infuriating mess of drunken disorder. He looked over at the kid, who was fully transfixed on his wife. John thought about embarrassing Merry like she had done to him. He wondered, if he offered, would the kid would climb in the back seat right now, and fuck her? The kid was clearly a virgin, so he’d probably jump at the chance, he’d fuck her raw for a whole thirty seconds before he came inside her drunk cunt. Then, John felt evil and ashamed, for even thinking about it.
Let me know if the way I write this makes sense. I wanted to highlight the spesific parts I was talking about. But I dont hink I can. (I’m on mobile)
Please let me know what you think, I’m brand new to this and could use all the feedback I can get.
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/siz4hw/help_me_with_my_writing_trigger_warning
Tbh it doesnt matter … Write it first and see if it can express what you wanted to tell … Always remember grammar comes second when it needs to be expressed …
Maybe don’t use “kid,” being as it suggests someone who is underage. Perhaps try utilizing terms like “teenager” or “young man.” As a 21 yo man who writes his own special brand of erotica (albeit on the Notes section on my iPhone), I’d prefer for the author to use the word “pussy” (which is more commonplace) instead of a word like “cunt” which can double as the worst insult in the world and feels more porn-centered. Regarding the scene you are thinking of writing, write whatever you want, just use a trigger warning (like you did above.)
I myself am currently writing a piece of taboo-centered-erotica rn which revolves around teenagers’ Halloween party at a mansion in which there’s no rules about what you can dress up as, the only rule is that everyone has to wear a mask (not the COVID ones, Halloween masks). A 19 year old college freshman, “T” (the son of the mansion’s owners) and the rest of the guests play spin the bottle and 7 in heaven. Long story short, “T” winds up in the closet with a female party guest dressed as Kim Kardashian. They kiss and it evolves into the most vicious ass-fucking he can give her. “T” takes his Halloween mask off (only after he cums in her ass). The girl dressed as Kim Kardashian speaks to “T” and tells him how awesome that felt for her. Only problem is, “T” knows that trademark soft, sweet voice: it belongs to his stepsister, “L,” who “T” has been crushing on ever since he met her, and only then do they both realize the seriousness of they’ve just done.
Was considering titling it “The Irreversible Night.”