I need feedback on a short story

What you guys think..

https://www.wattpad.com/story/287775433?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_reading&wp_page=reading&wp_uname=HylasMaliki&wp_originator=7nuWQeg14A9ZbFnlnGwX%2BugukMmiYgPBxHfw5SuzIQxxga7n9DfdNhGnSVItVfBXLigEjKAOgqY%2FCadzlb7vmp8QLfusyUpTo7Ze0euvuSnZ%2BHXGCSE49VwR5To8%2B5w9

Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/qe6704/i_need_feedback_on_a_short_story