63 Seconds to Eternity
As I moved to light the last vanilla beeswax candle by the nightstand, I caught your reflection in the vanity mirror and paused for a moment to watch you, as you put your right foot up on the chair and were pulling the black thigh hose up your leg. I love those, I thought, the ones with the sparkly trim around the top – perfect for your legs. The shades had been drawn across the high windows, and the only light the candles on each night stand and the dresser on the other side of the black glass topped coffee table, flickering gently, and the vanity. The vanity lights surrounding the mirror, with the dimmer switch all the way down, cast just enough light to see your reflection as you were looking down at your leg, your delicate fingers arranging the top of your stocking neatly. You wore the black translucent body suit, the one I bought for you, with the black bow tie in back, securing the end of the pearl g-string that disappeared between your legs. I rarely tell you that you are beautiful, even though I think it all the time, but because I know how it bores you. You can see it clearly in my eyes when I look at you.
Packed together, I can feel the engine through the hard aluminum bench seat. It’s loud, lit brightly – with the two huge plexiglass doors upfront, the right one not even closed all the way, rattling, and small windows down each side. We’re in the back, next to the tandems, one next to me and two across, and up front seven more people, so a total of fifteen. Eight across from us and 7 on our side including you and me – you’re next to me on the right, so you’ll jump first. We still don’t jump together, its too dangerous. Probably next time. I can’t see your eyes, with your dark round glasses on – but I can feel your arm next to mine, our hands together. What do you think about? My mind is blank – all I see is a list of EP’s for 14 scenarios memorized, recited, reviewed, over and over – it has to be instinct. High speed malfunctions, low speed malfunctions. Only 2 seconds to react. A long time out there, but it goes fast. Number One: Hard pull – try twice, then pull silver, right, cutaway, clear the lines, pull red, left, reserve. Number Two: Horseshoe, wrapped, two attempts then pull silver, right, cutaway, clear the lines, pull red, left, reserve. Number Three: bag lock…. Number Four… 2 seconds to react and choose. We’re at altitude now and banking for the first pass.
It’s the first pass. The plexiglass doors both open wide, screaming now, the wind rushing, fist bumps and high fives all around, shining brilliant glasses and sparking eyes, GoPros mounted on black helmets, sunglasses, purple rainbow lenses on fire, three wingsuiters go together headfirst. Think now, let’s go over the rest. Low speed malfunctions Number One: line twists, pull apart hard, kick legs, then initiate EP’s. Line twists are very common. Number Two: slider up – it should come down after the first 3 seconds, pump the brakes, is it half way down? Try again, then EP’s. Number Three: closed end cells… Number Four… Then two jump in quick succession.
The plane circles and banks back for the second pass. Everybody is out already in front of us. We slide up quick on the seat, the tandems pushing us forward. We’re next, you turn and look at me. Black helmet, smiling, with your sunglasses I can’t see your eyes, you grab my hand and I squeeze it, but you turn and you’re gone. My turn next, quick go, go , go, exit right, 13,000 feet, check-in, check-out, propeller – deep breath and, heartbeat, heartbeat – now drop, drop now, arch and 63 seconds. I’m looking for you but I don’t see you – maybe five hundred, maybe a thousand feet below me, just a speck in the universe falling into the void.
You glance up and catch me in the mirror and smile and your dark eyes look directly into mine. I walk over behind you, wearing only my loose fitting black boxers, as you stand up, and I hug you close from behind, feeling your hair on my chest and chin, your body pressed into mine. You smell wonderful tonight. You turn around to kiss me, then you lead me to the bed and lay down on your back as I move over you, pinning your arms back for just a second, then putting my full weight on you, kissing you deeply, our tongues dancing together, as I feel your silky thighs wrap around me and your right hose covered foot stroking the back of my thigh with your toes.
Sliding off of you, I sit up and lean back on the headboard, pulling you up toward me, still laying down, with your head in my lap. You reach back stroking my thigh with your fingernails as I reach over and get some very light vitamin e oil, scented perfectly, to massage into your face, feeling your hair on my legs, and under my fingers as I rub your temples, then forehead gently, then down each cheek, carefully around your closed eyes. Fingers trailing lightly on the top of your chest.
Looking down at your face, with your eyes closed. God, she stole my heart, or did two souls meet again after a long time apart? She seemed drawn to me – like an old friend or something. I don’t understand it. Its true, I see it now. The goddamn great conjunction. I saw them. Jupiter and Saturn – I saw them move together in the evening while I was standing on the roof of the parking garage, with palm trees growing between the garage and distribution center, and I didn’t believe it then, but I wanted to, I really really wanted to. Let it be. The crescent moon rising north west and the wind had picked up in the evening like it always does from the west, blowing onshore. Every 1000 years, I don’t remember exactly. A hot evening, the sunset, perfectly clear air, high clouds – cirrostratus or cumulus? I always forget the name, but they were high, mostly clear skies, hues of cascading color across the whole western sky in the evening, orange, bronze, tangerine, sandstone towards the horizon, and brilliantly lit clouds above in all the purple colors violet, lilac, orchid – high above me as the sun set violently. And always Mexican fan palms. Everywhere. The palm fronds blew gently in the wind and the sounds of trucks leaving the distribution center, and like a river running, the hum from the freeway two blocks away. You could see the fading light and the stars come up at the same time. The Christmas Star. It happens once, once in a lifetime, once in ten lifetimes. Why did I have to wait so long? I don’t know, it’s different when you have no desire for anybody else, and you know you never will. But now, for a moment… Just for tonight.
Both of my hands are on the sides of your head, gentle touches, around your ears, and where your hair grows on the sides of your neck, your jawline, tracing both lips, slightly parted and your dark eyes open and look up at me.
Stable – the circle of awareness, wind, weightless and floating, scan the horizon, great so far – altimeter 12,000, 58 seconds to the ground. Caught in equilibrium. Terminal velocity arched is one hundred and twenty miles an hour. I thought I saw you below – but maybe it was just a dark patch in the quilt, a car on the side of the road or a tree in the middle of a brown square. I can’t even see the yellow box yet. Around me, I’m bathed in sunlight and transparent blue sky, and the desert below. I can see the surrounding hills to west, the snake highway down the valley, and the setting sun throwing long shadows. It’s the last jump of the day. Time slows down. Every second is a lifetime. Smooth glide, gentle, gentle, , try an easy 360, relax – feel the pull one time, 2nd time, 3rd time slowly – altimeter 10,700 What is your altitude? maybe 9,000, maybe 10,000. I got out right after you, but not too close. It’s not like you see on YouTube, a bunch of guys jumping out headfirst and linking arms into a formation. God I take it slow – and we both have less than fifty jumps. 46 seconds.
35 seconds left, think, focus – altimeter 8,200 – so perfect. Circle clockwise 90 degree turn – stop, now a 360 the other direction. Its easy now under control. There she is! – ahhh, no. I can’t see you. That must be a quad or something in the field – I’m still pretty high. My eyes a little watery from the wind. I can barely make out the yellow box and the green patch for the tandems, but the road, and airstrip, running north south are clear. Squares, green and brown, rushing to greet me. Let’s circle – slowly – relax, gentle rushing wind – altimeter 7000 – 29 seconds – she’s got to be ready to pull soon.
I’m right behind you but I don’t see you. I see 5 other canopies open, some green, white and black – the wingsuiters are already down. Two tandems above me but I don’t see your colors yet. 6000 feet altimeter lock on – staring at my altimeter – pull at 5500 – Where is she? She should be visible already but I can’t look now. I’ll see you soon, the white and lavender canopy below, the one with the big star design that you picked out just three months ago. 5500 feet. 21 seconds of free fall left if I don’t pull. I pull the ripcord hard. Pull, pull at the correct altitude, pull at correct altitude with stability – throw it hard – four seconds to inflation – start counting the seconds!! – my bag is out flutter, flutter, count – looking up and then down quickly – I don’t see her, god she should have pulled by now.
One one thousand – I check above quickly and feel the tug of pilot chute, perfect, I’m spinning a little, maybe less than a second – she’s at 4500, only 15 seconds – she better be quick, where is she? It’ll be ok, safer than driving a car, I just can’t see her maybe she drifted behind me somewhere. I glance back but don’t see your canopy below. I see the three tandems spiraling in a holding pattern above me.
You bend your knees, drawing your legs up with your feet flat on the bed, closing your legs together, then slowly spreading them a little, then you close them again tighter as your right hand absentmindedly touches your lower stomach. Your fingernails with your left hand trail up my leg, feeling the edge of my boxers then moving down to gently tease me. You feel the drop of wetness already leaking through my shorts. No, no not yet. Even that small touch brings me so close. I pull your hand away and trace your lips with my fingers, and your tongue flicks out, drawing one of my fingers into your mouth. You smile up at me, put your hand back and continue to tease through my boxers with your fingernails.
Two one thousand – – she’s not there, fuck what is going on – this isn’t right? she’s at 3500 feet, only 9 goddamn seconds – her canopy won’t inflate in time – why didn’t she pull already? Three one thousand – look up, yes my canopy, its filling, brilliant canary yellow canopy, brilliant in the sun – slider dropping, no twisted lines, all nine cells inflating. Damn her, it’s like she just jumps – no fear. She says she knows all the EP’s. I’ve tried to quiz her a hundred times but she always says it’s ok, I know what I’m supposed to do. She has an AAD, it triggers the secondary at 2000 feet. Not today. Not today. Four one thousand – what happened? I don’t see her. Her AAD should have triggered already, a bright white round canopy, something must have fucked up, no, it’ll be ok, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, not today bitch, don’t die today, don’t die today, any day but not today I hate you I hate you I hate you.
Stop! and I push your hand away again and roll away and continue rubbing your arms with oil. Almond, olive and essential oils. My fingers trail down over your stomach, then gently but firmly up inside the sheer fabric and over your breasts as I feel your hard nipples. Flicking them gently. Perfect breasts. I bend over and bite one nipple. Harder. You tighten a little against the lightning. The other one next. Now your legs – no oil over the stockings, but down your inner thigh. I get closer and closer and I can feel your heat with my hand. Wetness on your inner thigh as your legs fall open. I adjust the pearl strings perfectly, so one strand is on either side – careful not to touch you directly. But I pull the pearls from the top, then let them fall, then pull them again, then let them fall, and again, and I watch your face. Your hands clench softly on the sheet. Then stop – I move to your feet. You put your leg up and touch the side of my face with your foot gently as I feel the sheerness down your thighs. I firmly grasp each foot in turn, massaging it deeply and feeling each toe, as you gently stroke my face with your other foot.
Finally!!! She’s there! – yes yes yes! I see it I see it, lavender and white. Your canopy opens right above the landing zone. Shit, shit shit – why? Risk two open canopies? Fuck you. You crazy fucking bitch, I don’t see any line tangles, nothing – you just pulled at the last goddamn second, zero seconds, why, why, why? why take it to the edge? – it’s not worth it. I look up and see my canopy, square, and test right, test left, flare – flyable – it’s ok, ok, it’s ok , it’s going to be ok, it’s going to be ok, thank you, thank you, thank you, now wait for it, wait for it, wait for it, wait…
Then silence, perfect silence, gentle wind, gentle blue sky with a few streaks of wispy white stratus clouds high above, gentle sun slanting over the hills, gentle glide – look down see the little squares, some green, most brown, the mottled green dropzone, all flags flying south so I’ll hold to the north, the runway, tiny yellow box, and white square warehouses, dark grey highway to the east. I see your canopy on the ground and you standing there, looking up at me and waving as I circle 90 degrees for the approach leg. Crazy bitch. 3 tandoms above still, a black & white, plain purple, and dark green. To the north, a shadowed valley stretching into the ocher distance, and the sun, orange already, slanting over the brown desert mountains to the west, shadowy already. The wind so light today.
My fingers move between your legs, delicate traces around your center, then between the pearls, feeling your wetness, still not touching you where you want to be touched, not close enough. Feeling your desire and the pearls and your folds. Slippery, dripping, slick, soft inner thighs and lips. Your scent intoxicating me as I lift my fingers, first to my lips, then to your mouth – letting you taste yourself, sucking on my three fingers lightly. I roll over and pull you on top of me, you sitting on my stomach, gently rocking your hips in a forward, backward motion, slippery with anticipation. With my other hand I pull your right hand down to your lower stomach, you know how I love watching you. Your hand reaches lower until it finds the perfect spot, rubbing slowly at first, then faster, your mouth slightly open. I watch your face to see when you are close.
I pull your hand away firmly, as you arch your back, fighting me, and I hold it to my mouth, sucking on your fingers one at a time, savoring your scent and your taste. You dangle your fingers over my mouth as my tongue reaches out to lick and suck and savor your arousal. I untie your bow in the back, and slowly pull the pearls out from underneath you, feeling the tension – slowly – one pearl at a time, rubbing the sides of your clit perfectly. I pull your lingerie up over your head so now you’re completely naked except for your black sheer stockings.
You lean forward over me and move, sliding up and forcing yourself down on my mouth, and I can see the sides of your legs glistening in the candlelight. Tasting you deeply with my tongue and feeling your clit, so stiff and erect, I lick for a minute, tracing around and around with gentle flicks as you grind and squirm and arch, and then I push you off. You drape your hair over my face and chest, back and forth, back and forth slowly, and kiss me hard, grabbing the back of my head. You yank my boxers off, aggressively, and my cock springs out, trailing a string of pre-cum to the side of my thigh. Your mouth is on my hardness and your tongue teasing with little touches. My eyes close as I feel your delicate touches, sucking harder, deeper and deeper, gagging a little bit. You back off and I feel your feet gently brush up my leg, pressing firmly between my legs and then its gone. I flip you over roughly, can’t stop, I need you now, and I’m on top of you, pinning you hard to the bed. Your legs open, knees back – so ready for me.
Your thighs envelop me, wrap me, I can feel your stockings on my skin and your heels thrashing the back of my legs, and you’re moaning and kissing me and the sides of my face as I enter you deeply, moving quickly, putting my full weight on your body. Our sounds, wetness, moaning, gasping and grinding. We’re moving together – magic. Not tonight, don’t die tonight. You’re breathing so hard, I look into your eyes, as we pause just for a moment – tight, so tight together as you pull me down on you and into you with every muscle in your body. Your body convulses below mine. I don’t feel your nails dig into my back. Resting for a moment, heartbeat heartbeat, kissing you. And I know what you want. You want our cups to fill again. You need to cement our bond – temper the chains with fire that bind us together. You move as I lay on my back, and I feel your breath and tongue on my stomach as I’m caressing your leg and back, teasing your wetness between your legs, still slick with sweat and arousal. You move on top of me, your mouth all around my drained cock, savoring our shared cum as I strain upward with my mouth between your legs, and you lower yourself on me, our mixed arousal dripping down your thighs, and I am finding your center, engorged heat, engorged and swollen with cum and arousal, licking and savoring our lust. You come back, lying side by side and we kiss deeply, tongues together, sharing slowing until finally, exhausted, we drift off.
I wake up later and it’s quiet and dark and I see the vaulted ceiling, and the dark fan on a low speed creating just the slightest feeling of air on my face. The candles are all out. Some ambient light comes through the edges of the shades from the city, the stars and a little bit of the new moon, white, which must have just risen. I feel the heat from your body next to me as you lay on your side with your back to me, breathing peacefully, asleep. Why did I wake up? Sometimes it’s nice to see the night, I think, and get up softly, so as not to wake you. I put on my robe and walk over to the bar, dim in the darkness. Behind the bar, I reach into the second drawer and take out a half smoked pack of Marlboros. How long have these lasted? The filters are probably shot – 10 years? I don’t remember. Once in a while. Just once in a while. Walking out the french doors to my chair next to the pool, which is lit just dimly from below, because I have a timer to dim the lights after midnight, lit with a light blueish green, aqua – almost like the Sea of Cortez blue, but soft. The night is still and clear, some stars are out but with the city lights I can’t see too many.
I can see the glow from the end of my cigarette, and the smoke curling. Above me, and around the pool, there are tall palms, kings, queens, some foxtails, and a large triangle – dypsis decaryi. The breeze from the ocean gently rocks the fronds, making a most delicate clattering sound. The smoke drifts upward in the stillness, and I take a shallow drag, but I don’t inhale – not deeply. I never have. I don’t know why. It’s been instinct for me to not inhale, even when I smoked a lot. Just a little bit, just enough for taste. I smile, remembering something, seeing the grid of streets in the night, watching the lights on the street stretched straight out below me, running all the way to the bridge over the bay in the distance. Humming softly, 24 years just waiting for a chance.. now she walks through the door, with her head held high, just for a moment, I caught her eye. Alice, who the fuck is Alice? oh, I don’t know why she’s leaving, or where she’s gonna go. I’m glad she didn’t die today. For her, it wasn’t even close. She’s pretty much done it all. When I landed next to her, I should have said something, I should have screamed at her telling her never to do that again. You had your glasses off, your chest heaving, and I could see the adrenaline, dopamine, seratonin, and oxytocin coursing through you – your eyes shining and bright and smiling. But I could never do that, and I never will. I just gave her a couple high-fives, hugged her, and lifted her off the ground. We walked back together laughing. I should have told her I needed her one more night. To feel her heartbeat. One more night. The street lights turn green, then yellow, then red, down below a line, in the distance. Green, then yellow, then red as some cars traveled away – red taillights, and some cars traveled toward me with white headlights, in the city, at night.
Back inside, I get into bed, sliding right up next to you, feeling the heat of your body and smelling the scent from your hair. I lay on my back, with the side of my arm and my leg touching your naked body, and I can feel your hair on my shoulder. I usually sleep on my back. I need my elbow space. I reach over, touch your back, feeling your soft skin, and I lean over and touch the side of your head, brushing your dark hair back from your temple a little, kiss you on the shoulder, you’re sleeping so peacefully. You’re usually the one up in the middle of the night, finding something new, writing something, thinking and dreaming. I pull you close, behind you, pressing against you and then, gently at first, I feel your hips arch and push back against me, still dreaming, and we move together quietly, and slowly, in the dark. I know she’s not going to live forever, but then again nobody does. She will, maybe this time she will.
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/o1fg50/mfvanilla_with_a_little_spice_you_scare_me_but
Thank you for sharing with us. Well-written, visceral, passionate. ?