*Tl;dr: I am a bi-curious married man. My wife is aware. I have not cheated on her and she knows that, too. But my urges are directed at the man she most detests – her abusive ex-husband. And my urges are growing harder to control.*
When I was a young unmarried man I had sexual experiences with other guys. Frequently. I began dating women in college and eventually married a woman, began living as straight. I do not now think of myself as gay despite my history. I do, I admit, have sexual fantasies that involve other men, mainly of a cuckold nature. I avoid gym showers because I become erect around other naked men.
My wife was briefly married (and divorced) before she met me. She describes her ex as aggressive and abusive. She has confided in me that sometimes when he wanted sex and she didn’t, she was the victim of marital rape. She never told this to anyone else; their divorce was “amicable”. Fortunately they had no children. He’s still in town and I have met him a few times. He has no animosity toward me. I was never his competition – they broke up before I appeared on the scene. But he doesn’t respect me, either. I am visibly, and by reputation, a soft, gentle man, not half the macho jackass he is.
My wife and I have talked about sex, and fantasies, and she has questioned my porn habits and my cuckold kink. In general she doesn’t mind if I masturbate whenever we are not doing something in real world. She has a low sex drive, so I tug almost every day. My wife kind of appreciates that masturbation relieves her of any obligation to fuck when she’s not in the mood. Which is only maybe 2 or 3 times a month.
To understand why a wife out and out encourages fantasies and jerking off, you need to remember that when previously married, her not being in the mood meant being taken roughly by force. When we discuss those days I often become erect. I worried at first that my being aroused by her abuse would hurt or anger her. Instead it kind of empowers her, and we do it more often. The more she talks about being forcibly fucked the less it causes her real pain. The more I get off on the image of him manhandling her, having his way, the more she sees me as an ally, another of his victims.
One day she was tugging me gently while we fantasized about other men. Everything came into focus when she mused “Taking me then wasn’t taking your wife. Not exactly, right? But you and me thinking about his cock now? It is sort of taking your wife. And a man abusing your wife is kind of abusing you, too.” I ejaculated in her hands.
So now the macho goon she used to despise has become our go-to make-believe lover. She’s shown me every picture she ever had of him, and of them together. She talks almost wistfully about his large cock. It used to be a tool for causing her pain. Now when we think about him with us in bed, it an object of desire.
We will, I am sure, soon reach out to him, invite him to visit. He’ll fuck her again, this time while I watch. But I have this other fantasy where I have to go see him first, talk him into it. He’ll want something from me, I dream, and if I hesitate he’ll just take it. He’ll have both of us then.
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/mg3o13/cuckold_bi_i_crave_my_wifes_first_husbands_cock