[FF] A bright spot in the midst of quarantine stress and sadness

I know nobody likes a downer and I feel like I don’t have a right to complain, but quarantine has been really hard. I know it’s been hard for everyone I don’t have a right to complain when there are people getting sick and even dying, but I can only go off of my own experiences.

I am a mother in her early 40s. I have two early teenage kids who have been doing school from home ever since March of last year. My husband works in health care and has been one of the few people who still has to travel during quarantine and his travel schedule has only gotten worse due to the nature of his job. I’m a stay at home mom, and being shut in has done no favors for our marriage. I acknowledge a big part of it is his travel schedule just hasn’t allowed us to spend time together, but I also feel like I’ve become somewhat invisible to him. He doesn’t go out of his way to listen to me or do anything sweet, and I think we are both just living separate lives right now where he does his thing and I do mine here at home.

I’ll be honest, as quarantine has drug on, I have certainly had some struggles with thoughts of sadness. I don’t know if it’s depression, but before al this, I would have a break from my kids during the day when they went to school. Now we are all under the same roof 24 hours a day. I love my kids to death, but everyone can get sick of each other and occasionally tempers flare up.

For good or for bad, I’ve looked to the internet and showing off as my escape from reality. At least once or twice a week I post nudes of myself on some of the gonewild subreddits. It’s become something I get a real rush from. I love the attention I get. I love the complimentary messages and replies. It makes me feel attractive and sexy again. I’m a mom and don’t have gym hard body, but I feel attractive enough and it’s nice to hear all the compliments when I post pictures. I certainly get some creeps that respond and get some stalker-ish type messages, but for the most part the responses are kind and people say nice things.

I have to be honest and admit it’s pathetic that I go to internet strangers to feel good, but we all need our escape from reality, right? In that regard, I guess I don’t apologize and enjoy my little break from real life.

Before you ask, no, I’m not going to link to my profile that I post pictures under. I don’t want this story tied back to my pictures in any way in case by some crazy chance somebody recognizes me. I’m just throwing that out there as I know the question will come. But, I do want to share a story that happened a couple weeks ago. It excites me every time I think about it. I haven’t told another soul about it and I felt like writing it out and seeing it in type would help me further enjoy the memory.

I live up in the Bay Area in California. A few months ago, I had a friend tell me about a woman that is a message therapist that she gets massage from once a month. She actually used to live here but two years ago she moved to another state. However, she still has a large number of clients here in the Bay, so one week a month she flies out here as she makes as much money in one week up here as she does over the rest of the month doing massage where she currently lives.

She took a pause for a while during quarantine, but from what my friend told me, she was starting to struggle from the loss of income and so a few months ago she started back up again. That’s when my friend referred me to her and I’ve seen her monthly for the last several months. She’s divorced and has an older child.

From the first time when she started coming over, we connected. She is extremely talented and does a fantastic job. It is by far the best massage I’ve ever had. I usually schedule my appointment with her when my husband is out of town and I send my kids over to friends house so that I can have some peace and quiet in the house for the massage. It’s been my only moment of serenity in this whole thing.

Every time she has come, nothing out of the ordinary has happened until this last time. Like, it’s all just been very straight forward, we talk a lot, but she is very professional. I look forward to her coming each time, not just because she gives such an amazing massage, but also because I really like her and connect well with her. I’ve told her before that I wanted to hang out with her and wished she had time while she is in town to do more.

She last came two weeks ago and things were different this time. I was having an especially difficult week and feeling down. I actually came close to cancelling with her because frankly I didn’t want to see anyone. I just wanted to hide in my bedroom and shut everyone out. But, I knew she was already coming and I felt guilty that she flies all this way out and depends on the income, so I talked myself out of cancelling.

The afternoon she came over, I was her last appointment of the day. When she knocked on my door with her massage table and came in, I think she could immediately sense I was having a hard time. I remember her asking how I was doing right off the bat, but it was in a way she could tell I was struggling. She just seems in tune with people and is very intuitive. She sat down, within a few minutes I was opening up to her. I was a little embarrassed because once I started, I didn’t stop. The floodgates opened. I told her about how stressed I was from my husband constantly being gone, the stress of being shut in at home all the time with the kids, how I was feeling, etc. I felt like I was totally being needy and told her I felt bad putting that all on her when she was just coming over to do a massage, but she just sat there for a long time listening letting me get it all out. She told me not to worry or feel bad about going on and on. She gave me her thoughts and opened up about her divorce from a few years previous and was kind of able to relate to what I was going through. I don’t remember all the details of the conversation, but what I do remember was this intense feeling that she got me. This was so dumb, but at some point, I broke down crying. When it happened, she just hugged me and let me cry. We hugged a lot she didn’t say anything as I sobbed and got it all out. It felt so good to get what was a huge weight off. She just kept looking at me and brushing my hair back, telling me she understood, etc. What I remember most was how empathetic she was. She really heard the feelings behind my words. It felt amazing to be heard like that and not feel like I was crazy.

We are close to the same age. She is an attractive woman, but it’s not something I ever gave any thought to previously other than acknowledging it.

I’ve honestly never felt like I was bi or anything in the past, but this time, something different happened, and between the crying and connecting and emotional roller coaster and seeing her as someone totally understanding I felt very connected with her. When I finally got myself under control and the crying subsided, I remember looking up at her in the face and neither of us said a word, but there was a different feeling there that we both recognized without verbally acknowledging it.

It was just this feeling of connection and closeness, and for the first time, her physical beauty became very noticeable to me and I became aware of how I was feeling and turned on. It honestly surprised me but at the same time felt very natural and not odd given the moment and what was going on.

We were sitting there talking for over an hour talking, and finally she asked me if I was ready for my massage. I was so ready.

The previous times, she had gone out of the room while I got undressed and under the sheet. But this time, once she set up her table and the sheet, she started to go out, and I told her it was fine, she could just stay there while I got ready. It wasn’t like a big deal or weird, but honestly I meant it. I wasn’t trying to be weird, I just felt really close to her and didn’t want her to leave the room. She didn’t seem weirded out either from what I recall. The conversation between us just kept going as I got undressed and crawled up on the table under the sheet on my stomach.

She stood up and grabbed her bottle of oil and asked me if I was ready and I think I told her I couldn’t be more ready.

She adjusted the head piece for my face and I settled in. I remember as I lay there and she got started thinking about our conversation and being very aware of how I was feeling, but nothing odd. It was just interesting to me. I’d never felt that way about another woman. It didn’t scare me, but it was just different. Neither of us said anything about it, but looking back I know we both felt it. She pulled the sheet down to my lower back and started the massage.

The conversation kept going while she worked on my shoulders and back. It felt wonderful like always. She strikes the perfect balance between not too hard and hard enough. This time though, she was really into it. We kept talking, but her touch was so connecting. I can’t explain it, but as she massaged me, it felt like we were very in tune with each other and she knew exactly what to do.

She finished my back and moved down to my legs. The part when I knew things were really different was before, she was always intentional about keeping more private areas covered, and when she would massage my butt, she would still keep one side covered as she did the other side. But this time as she worked her way up my legs and got to my bottom, she pulled the sheet up and wasn’t really as careful about keeping one side at a time covered. I remember noticing she was certainly more casual about it. The connection was there and it didn’t bother me and she didn’t seem phased. As things progressed, we stopped talking and she let me relax and peacefully enjoy the moment. As she massaged my bottom, I started to get more turned on. She wasn’t necessarily doing anything different, but I was so much more aware of her fingers on my bottom. Nothing different, but certainly the effect she was having. I remember feeling like she must have noticed how I was feeling, or at least in my head I felt like she did, or hoped she did I guess? I remember sighing as she was working my bottom in the massage and squirming a little from being turned on. She noticed because she asked if I was ok or if something hurt, and I told her no, it just felt really good. She asked if I was enjoying things and I just kind of mumbled yes.

She finished with my back and legs and grabbed one of my bar stools like she always does and set up at my head and worked on my scalp and neck. She started to talk again and finally asked me if I was ready to turn over. I remember feeling soooo relaxed at that point, but still aroused. She held the sheet up and I turned over on my back. She went down working on my feet and legs, and as she worked her way up my legs closer to my waste, I couldn’t believe it, I just kept getting more and more turned on. I was wet as could be and I knew there wasn’t any way she couldn’t notice. This whole time I sort of wondered if it would be something she was aware of, but would just leave it at that, but I kept wishing it would lead to something else. I don’t know, my head was kind of a jumbled mess at that point.

She moved back up to my head and went back to work on my head again while sitting on the bar stool. Finally she did something that surprised me and took me off guard. Normally when she massaged my chest muscles, she just worked on the very upper part and kept my breasts covered while she worked my chest muscles under the sheet. But this time, she said “I’m going to massage your chest now. Would you be comfortable with me pulling the sheet down all the way so I can really work your chest? I know it’s been a stressful time and I want to make sure to really work it all out.

I remember feeling surprised, but excited, and I paused briefly but told her I would absolutely love that.

She pulled the sheet down to fully expose my breasts. I was a little self conscious at first, but I felt completely safe with her. I hadn’t been this vulnerable with someone in a long time, and I welcomed it.

Things started out the same but I remember my nipples became instantly hard. As she moved with long strokes down my breasts, her hand would barely graze past my nipples. She didn’t go right over the top of them, but she didn’t avoid brushing them as she massaged down. But at this point, I felt there was no question she was doing it on purpose and the connection we were feeling was undeniable.

It became absolutely quiet in the room as she continued to massage my breasts. Neither of us said a word and I closed my eyes and enjoyed her hands on them. I remember it felt like it went on for some time and I just felt myself get more and more worked up but very relaxed all at the same time. At some point I recall opening my eyes and just stared into her eyes while she looked down from above massaging my breasts. She noticed me looking up at her and smiled. It wasn’t awkward at all, it was just a nonverbal acknowledgement of the moment and it was almost like she could tell what I was thinking and was in agreement without saying a word. The part it really changed was when she quietly asked me if I was enjoying this. I told her it felt fantastic and please not to stop. She kind of laughed and said “I guess it’s not making you feel uncomfortable?” I told her not in the least bit and I put my hand up on her arm and kind of rubbed her arm a little. It was in that moment I recall feeling like we were both on the same page of how this was going. She quietly acknowledged again what I was going through and she was glad I was able to relax and enjoy the moment. While she kept massaging my breasts, we kept looking each other in the face off and on. I think she was kind of thinking of how to progress things to the next level because she was quiet and I could tell she was thinking. She finally just said it and at the same time she moved one hand down to the top of my waste and whispered and asked “Would you like something a little extra down here?” I knew exactly what she meant. I knew this was taking a big step, but I told her yes, I very much would like that, but I kind of hedged and told her she didn’t need to feel obligated to. She told me “Absolutely not. Everyone needs to feel good and you deserve it. Just close your eyes and relax, and stop me if anything makes you feel uncomfortable.” I had a nervous but excited feeling in my stomach. For a brief moment I thought about my husband, but I didn’t care. Fuck him. This was my moment to enjoy.

The nature of the massage changed and she put her hands back on my breasts, but instead of a massage, she started gliding her finger along my breasts and stop to stimulate my nipples with her fingers. I went from kind of feeling turned on to feeling absolutely electrified. She continued this for a while until she started to make long strokes down my stomach under the sheet coming to the top of my waste. She massaged like this for a bit, sensually gliding her fingers along my sides and back up over my breasts. I opened my eyes and finally she moved over to the side and lowered the sheet the rest of the way and just bundled it up at my feet so that I was totally exposed. She put one hand on a breast and teased my nipple while gliding the other hand down past my waste and over my leg and she brought up back up along my inner thigh. I remember taking a deep breath and settled in. She took her hand and pulled my leg out slightly and I understood and spread my legs further for her.

She kept gently rubbing my inner thigh, while still keeping the other hand on my breasts giving them attention. She moved her lower hand up and started to gently glide it over my pussy. She massaged and teased the outside of my pussy for a bit and then I remember looking over as she grabbed her bottle of oil and put more on her hand and brought both hands to massage and oil up my pussy. The only time she even said anything was when she told me to just keep relaxing and enjoy myself right before she slowly but gently inserted two fingers inside of me. After she got them in she asked me if I was ok and I just yes, keep going please. She kind of laughed quietly and started to move them in and out, and then she start to rub my clit with the fingers of her other hand. I was completely into it at this point, but I remember having the feeling of needing something to hold onto with my hand and I moved my hand up while she stood there and put it on her bottom over her yoga pants. I asked her if that was ok and she just said “of course.” She kept moving her fingers in and out of me working up more speed. I remember really gripping her bottom tightly as she she worked my pussy faster and wondered if my hold was too tight.

When I finally orgasm-ed it was the most intense orgasm I had in a long long time. It seriously set me on fire. I moaned loudly as I came and she kept working her fingers in and out, rubbing my clit. Wave after wave came over my body and she just kept going until there was nothing left in me nad I was spent. When I finally couldn’t take any more and put my hand on her wrist to stop, she came to rest and just quietly stood there with her fingers still deep inside me. She put a hand on my shoulder and gently caressed me while I calmed down, and once I had come to a full rest, she gently pulled her fingers out.

I laid there she pulled the sheet back over me so I didn’t get cold. She told me to just lay there and she’d be right back. I heard her walk into the kitchen and wash her hands off. She came back and sat above me on the bar stool again and told me to just enjoy things and to rest. She started to massage my head again and I must have been extremely relaxed because I drifted in and out of sleep while she massaged my head, shoulders, and neck. Finally, she finished. She ended and said “Ok, get up and get dressed, but be very careful, I don’t need you passing out on me getting up.”

I felt like I was floating. She helped me gently get up to sit on the side of the table while I had the sheet half wrapped around me. She pulled out a bottle of water and made me drink some. She just sat and watched me and asked me how I felt. I looked up at her and told her that was one of the most amazing things I’d ever felt. She looked into my eyes and told me she was glad she could make me feel that way. I had to know and asked her if she’d ever done that before. She laughed and said “Nope. You are the first.” I asked her if she felt awkward or anything. She smiled and said “Not at all.”

That’s all I said and I put my hand on her arm to stroke it and let her know I was happy she did it too. We kind of sat there looking at each other for a minute as she just stood there in front of me and finally I couldn’t take it anymore and pulled her in to kiss me. She took the cue and leaned down and kissed me on the lips, gently kissing at first and then tongue. We kissed for a moment and she pulled back. She told me to get dressed and get moving and drink more water. I did as she said and got dressed while she folded up her sheets and table.

We both got everything put back together. It was time for her to go, and I grabbed her hand and looked her in the eyes and told her I didn’t want her to go. She apologized and said she didn’t want to either, but she was supposed to go to a friends house for dinner that evening. She pulled me in and we embraced and hugged and finally started to kiss again. I asked her when she’d be back next and she told me. She jokingly asked if I wanted to make an appointment and I told her of course, but that I wanted a time when she’d have no obligations afterward. I let her know how much I appreciated what she had done. It really did make a huge difference for me and at least for that afternoon, took so much stress and other feelings away and made me feel wonderful. I could tell she meant it when she enjoyed our time together and she was looking forward to seeing me again. We hugged for what seemed forever again, and then she finally said she had to go. We kissed one last time and then she left.

We texted a number of times the next day, several of the texts were very flirtatious. She told me she couldn’t wait to see me next time and I told her I felt the same. We texted again over the next few days, and finally a week later I called her up and we talked for a couple of hours. A lot of it was just talking, but we did talk about what had happened between us. We both agreed it was wonderful and felt natural, but that we’d just take things as they came without making any assumptions.

We’ve kept texting and she’s coming again another week and a half. I really don’t know where this is going if it’s even going anywhere at all. This is very new to me, but I finally feel like I have something to be excited about which I haven’t felt in a long time. I have a feeling things will progress further when she comes back, but who knows. Regardless of what happens next, I wanted to share this story, but I’m likely not going to share anything further about this. This was a very pleasant experience and I wanted to write it out, but the rest of what happens is something I will just keep to myself.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/lit42f/ff_a_bright_spot_in_the_midst_of_quarantine