(M)an oh (Man), I’ve learned my lesson

I just posted this on someone's reddit, but it's really just a ridiculous story that would happen to me.

Well this is a crazy story and it is kind of stupid on my part. So, it's a Tuesday morning around 3:30 a.m. I was feeling kind of wild and I haven't been laid in a while, because anytime I try to hook up with someone everything goes awry. One time, I had someone screaming like he was the lead singer of Slipknot. Another time, I had this door that I have sitting in my apartment keep falling on top of us. So, it's like hooking up with strangers is just not for me.

However I get on grindr and I'm like hell yeah, I'm going to have some fun. This guy starts messaging me and it turns out he lives in an apartment building down the street. So, I told him to talk dirty to me before I even consider going over there. He asked me to top and told me to be rough about it, but at this point I didn't really care because I was feeling so wild.

Well, I go over there and I wait outside until he tells me that a friend was over there and he was trying to get him to leave. (red flag #1). So, I ask, wtf? are you hooking up with someone else right now? But he assures me that it's just a friend.

So, I come back home and play with my rabbit and watch some more Bob's Burgers until he tells me it's cool to go over there.

Finally, he apologizes and tells me to come back over. So, I traipse over there with a smile on my face and getting real excited for a good time.

Well, I get there and I'm waiting and waiting. I smoke a cigarette and galavant around the sidewalk for a while and told him to hurry the hell up. Now, I'm getting grumpy by this point. He finally comes out and said "sorry, I somehow lost my coke and I'm freaking out a bit." (red flag #2).

At this point, I thought about turning around and leaving, but I thought well I got myself into this position, better stick it through. He was kind of cute, super skinny though, but I'm more concerned about the fact that he loves cocaine so much to put off this sex.

We get in there and we start having a real good time. He's sucking me, I'm rimming him and we're biting a bit and making out. We start getting rougher and rougher and knocking shit off the walls and the bed and I was thinking , hell yeah! I'm great at topping! (I usually don't like to top, because I'm kind of clumsy, but I am good at what I do for the most part)

Anyway, we go to switch positions and he blows out on me. I stopped, I lose my erection and all he says "wow, it smells a little poopy doesn't it." I said "yep, it sure does." You could tell he was embarrassed, but we just sat there for a second and I said "well, it was a lot of fun until we ended up in this shitty situation." And I start having a laugh, because I thought I was being funny, but he didn't like that joke. He just acted super weird, so I went a cleaned myself off in his bathroom and came back out and said we could have another try tomorrow (in my head, I'm thinking not a chance, but I didn't want him to feel bad about himself)

I went home, brushed my teeth and sat in the bathtub for a few hours. I never saw him again.

If you plan on being penetrated through anal sex, please do your business throughout the day and clean yourself a bit.

Also, if you have a gut feeling and red flags are going off, don't be me and ignore them. You'll end up with the shitty end of the stick.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/381gp3/man_oh_man_ive_learned_my_lesson