On Massage, Pleasure & Release [Massage, Orgasm] (Not a story)

“What do you get out of it?” That’s what I’m often asked when the topic of sensual massage comes up. When it comes from a woman it is usually tinged with suspicion. When it comes from a man, there is typically an element of disbelief. I’ve never tried to explain this in writing before, so we’ll see how this goes.

I’m not sure if it is difficult to explain or if it is actually more difficult for others to understand. Maybe it is our culture’s singular focus on release where sexuality is concerned. I don’t have the answers to the “why” questions.

I enjoy giving sensual massages to women. Enjoy is probably not a strong enough word. I savor the experience. I find joy in it. I don’t expect anything in return, which is where the queries begin. I kind of understand the questions from the woman’s perspective. She’s expecting a level of coercion somewhere in the experience. Surely there will be pressure to perform something as payment.

I understand it because it seems many women face an endless stream of attempts at persuasion when it comes to her sexuality. She can be painted in a negative light (frigid) or made to feel like she has a debt to pay (using sex as payment.) Even inside a loving relationship there is often some browbeating around sex. Which is what makes the sensual massage without a requirement of reciprocation so powerful and appealing once she believes that is really what it is. More on that in a moment.

When a man asks the question, it is usually in the vein of “you’ll at least get a blowjob out of it, right?” When informed that while a massage does sometimes lead to more, it is entirely the choice of the woman, there is typically some bewilderment, especially when they realize the time investment. I try to explain that I believe that sexual pleasure goes beyond the release of orgasm. Porn and the modern sexual zeitgeist have trained men that unless there is ejaculation, something has gone horribly wrong. Almost invariably there is a reference to “blue balls.”

What I have attempted to explain to both sexes is that I derive great satisfaction in providing pleasure through the massage. There is certainly a sexual aspect to it, but it is also more than that. It is almost like I imagine they mean when they talk about zen. When I’m talking to a woman about giving her a massage, I say, “I hope to put you into a state of bliss.”

Bliss is a good way to describe what I experience. Without going into too much detail, my massage process is to begin with a typical massage. Usually, she prefers to begin with her body covered up and I will just uncover as needed. I will massage the neck, shoulders, arms and back before going to the feet and then the legs. By the time I am working on the buttocks, 30-40 minutes have passed.

It is only at this point that a more sensual approach begins *if* she wants it. I always tell her before we begin that she can stop it at any point. No pressure to continue, no shame. Just say the word and we’re done. This relieves the mental stress of wondering if she is really in control. It is difficult to experience true pleasure if your mind is not at peace.

The answer to the question, “What do you get out of it?” begins during the traditional massage period. First, touching another person skin to skin is itself a pleasurable experience. I’m sure a neuroscientist would talk about the release of oxytocin. Regardless of the reason, it’s the first step in my own journey to bliss and hopefully hers as well.

Second, discovering her body bit by bit is also an adventure. Human bodies are all different. There are so many different variations to enjoy. Skin hues and textures. Some bodies are soft and some are firm. Plump or thin. Petite or statuesque. There are differences also between young and old, tattooed and unmarked. Not only are there all of these possibilities and more, the combinations are almost endless.

Third, there is something supremely satisfying to me about watching her body visibly relax from my touch. Besides feeling the tension leaving her muscles, I can see her beginning to sink into cushions of the table. Her breathing becomes deeper, slower and more rhythmic. The occasional vocalization also indicates her descent into requiescence. 

Should the massage continue into the sensual phase–and it is a very rare occasion that it does not–there is more pleasure for me there. Here I will discover even more parts of her body. I will find out what points bring her arousal. The ankle? Back of the knee? Small of the back? There are many options, but I’m not giving away all my secrets.

Eventually, should things continue, I’ll discover her most intimate parts. Here, the possibilities are also myriad. No two women are alike. Not in the way they look or their beautiful musky scent. Not in the way they react to my touch. This, too, is part of the adventure. Attempting to read her response to each sensation and discover what brings her the most pleasure. Often, she is discovering with me, which makes it an even more enjoyable experience.

There is no formula for how things progress from this point. It is a journey with no road map. Every step is a surprise and a learning experience. On her stomach, on her back? Legs straight or bent? On her side? Just a few of the possibilities. As an aside, if we do more than one massage, each one gets exponentially better as experience teaches and we learn. 

Should we progress all the way to her orgasm (which we almost always do) there is even more bliss waiting and not just for her. Giving someone else pleasure allows you to experience it with them. Watching her skin flush with excitement. Her breath going from relaxed and deep to more urgent and ragged. The sounds she makes giving acknowledgement to her building arousal.

The way a woman orgasms is also unique to her. Quiet but intense, grasping onto me tightly as one recently did or loud and vociferous. Feeling muscle contractions and watching her convulse a little. Knowing it is a result of my skilled hands is a feeling of great accomplishment. Are her eyes closed or open wide? Maybe her mouth is open, lips forming an “O” while her hips raise off the table. That’s one of my favorite responses from a good friend.

Yes, in all of this, I am turned on. However, this state does not require her to do anything to address that. She can fall silent when she is spent without worrying about what I am expecting. I can continue to massage her in whatever way she is indicating she prefers. At this point, I feel fantastic. Not powerful but capable. 

The time following the massage is as varied as the massage itself. She may want to talk or just be quiet. Sometimes she may want to maintain physical contact or even be held. These moments are also quite pleasurable for me.

This exercise brought about some minor proportions of those same feelings. I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone other than me, but I decided to actually write it all down. I would love to hear from you on this. Your thoughts, opinions, questions, etc. Does it make sense to you at all? Do you think I’m a complete weirdo? Maybe you have a better idea of how to explain it. I’d love to hear it.

Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/kjh7xn/on_massage_pleasure_release_massage_orgasm_not_a