“Why do you hate me when you have me?”
I met you when I was young and naive, less knowing of the world. I was willing to endure the manipulation and the decries of lack of masculinity because to me, you were everything. Without you, of course, I am nothing. I should be so honored to be with you.
Of course, the years pass and the strength builds. Revetments against the tidal waves that hit the bank shores. Blind passion is given sight. I realize that there was nothing but pain in all of this relationship with you. Torrential and misguided is what this cascading rain was. Drowned the soil and killed off its living trees and crops.
Terra nullius. Terra nova.
So many campaigns overseas to be away from you and this past. Past of incorrigible love that nearly destroyed what I could have been. Can’t take any more women because one is enough. How pathetic. This is how you left me. It still presses and weighs upon me – Yeats’ stone heart.
I was volunteering over in near state borderlines of Burma and India along the Arunachal Pradesh. It was a non-profit operation to expand medical treatment to the minorities of the Burmese ethnic groups living along the border. I met a young mother who had to take care of her youth. I treated her youngest daughter, and she was forever grateful.
She came to my room everyday to give me gifts of food. I told her that my mother worries for me, so I am humbled to receive her.
One night, when she caught word of us leaving, she came to my room the last night before our departure. It was this night that I realized how beautiful she actually did look under the adjacent skies of a mountain moon. She told me that she heard I was leaving. I told her that I did.
Not one word then. She undressed before me. I never noticed before, but she had such a young body underneath it all. Her arms and hands were tanned and aged under the skin from the gruesome labor. However, her fingernails were clean. I looked up and she smiled. She washed her face. How soft her skin looked.
Slowly, she came to me and kneeled down, and unzipped me.
Her hands slowly reaching inside underneath to couple her hands with my cock and balls. She wrapped her moist lips around my dry cock and eagerly blew me with such adulation. Quiet and willing. I saw her head full of thin beautiful black hair gracefully moving back and forth going down on me.
She wouldn’t stop and obsessively, but slowly kissed the side of my cock. She wrapped her tongue around the tip as to taste every part of me. She looked at me from below: I want you to know that you have me. All of me.
She motioned with the slight tug of the slacks of my pants to take them off. She continued on her course, kissing the sensitive parts of my legs throughout. It was the tip of my cock, to the side and then the balls, and inner to the top thighs. Kissing and kissing. Worshiping and worshiping. Taking off my shoes and socks until everything off. She tasted every part of me. Kissing and licking the shins to the ankles and then my feet.
I grabbed her hand and then had her come on top of me. It was a warm embrace. Inside her and she overlooked at me from above: you have me.
—
Rooftop bar down in the business district somewhere. Come to. Where is your head, man? Where are you right now? Of course, you’re here. She’s here too.
Years have pass, but why does this feeling remain?
Everyone asking questions about everything and the drifter you are. Not quite a vagabond, but a kite in a hurricane. Bright red and yellow kite in a hurricane.
So, she comes back to you because you are doing so well now. You are better now. But why does this feeling remain? Is this a feeling or a dearth inside of me? Or is that feeling? Right. It must be something of another – an exhibition of display that there is nothing.
I’m going through the motions – I’m taking off my clothes. You are smiling, talking, and laughing. She’s taking off her blouse. Still a beautiful healthy body with white skin that glows. Laughter and more laughter. Smile from your thin red lips. This isn’t five years ago, but you seem to believe that it is. It was war and there were casualties. How can you not remember?
You kneel before me and then wrap your hands around me. I look down below and realize I won’t let you have me.
I bend over and comb your hair with the back of my hand. Hair stranding between my fingers. I pull back your hair and look at you. Lock your eyes and tell you that you don’t deserve me.
My hand wraps around your throat and slightly choke you to rise to your feet. Your body paralyzes, but lightly treads to the dresser. You lean backwards confused but can’t speak. I put my hands on your jaw and tip my finger to the back of your ear. I stare at you intently and knowingly that I need to hurt you.
I kiss you softly and bite you lower lip.
Thrown against the bed and I look at you ever so intently. I put my choke against you because I hate you for what you have done to me. Like a tight collar enchained onto you, you’re asking for oxygen. I will give you air, but you need to know this suffocating. It is what you did to me.
Your thin fingers grasping against my forearms and hand. God, you are so weak to me, but how did you break me?
Your eyes are look porous with pain and confusion, but understanding this love: take me.
I quickly take your underwear off and put my fingers inside you. I stare at you all the while I finger you softly exploring you. Pressure against your neck is familiar to you now, and the warmth of my fingers inside you is fulfilling. You stay quiet because look at me apologetically. Fingering inside you harder and harder until you whisper loudly for more and deeper. Your fingertips against my forearms, eagerly praying for absolution. Keep being inside me.
Once I finish, I realize my adulation reveals to you. I softly caress your hair and see your eyes seeing me deeply. I get on top of you then lightly tip the end of my cock around your pussy. I then thrust myself into you. Your eyes look at me: yours. I’m yours. Have me.
As I go inside you, you scream with pleasure. In and out. Firm grasp around your neck to make you gulp from the hard choking. Loud passion imbues the room. You need to realize that my hands wrapping around you is because you are the worst of me that I need to destroy you. But you are so beautiful to me that I need to be inside you. Keep going inside you constantly. Desperately having my cock pushing against you. Skin against skin. I am greedy and licking and kissing your body. I can’t get enough of your salt.
I slowly realize your beautiful face as I’m on top of you. You’re cumming on my cock. My cock is thrusting harder and harder inside you. Veins of my cock are throbbing against the walls of your body. I’m inside you and want my cock to pierce your soul into your heart. I want to cover your heart with cum.
While I’m fucking you harder and harder, I keep choking you. I choke you harder and harder while you hold your face longer and longer. But you don’t scream and keep wanting harder and harder. Your eyes are telling me that you are doing this for me to show me. Show me then. Show me. I cover your mouth and keep choking you. Until the last minute you gasp for air.
“I missed you.”
I hate you. I thrust my hands around your throat, but don’t choke you. I keep pushing against you to love you. My cock doesn’t stop and it remains hard. Fucking harder and harder. Breathing faster and heavier.
“I said I missed you.”
I can’t take it. I desperately kiss you on your lips, and down to your neck. I pin your hands and then arms against the headboard. The sheets are wet from the sweat. It is firm now against our bodies grinding against each other. Fucking harder and harder. You don’t miss me. I hate you. I slap your face.
You look at me almost with some tears and slight grin to smile.
“I missed you.”
I slap you again and again. Fucking harder and harder. You’re cumming on my cock. Choking you more and more. It doesn’t stop. My cock thrusting in and out inside you. Tip of my cock against you. You’re cumming. I slap you again. Your eyes look at me intently: this is forgiveness for abusing your heart. This is me letting you have me. Hurt me.
I get up and put my cock down your throat. Swallowing everything that’s been built up inside of me. Your head against the headboard and arms pinned against the wall. I shove my cock deep down inside your throat because you asked me. I hear you gargling, spitting, and choking. But you look up from below, your eyes smiling at me. Tears falling down cheeks. Closing your eyes after I take my cock out, asking for more.
“Give it to me.”
Shove it down your throat again and choke you. Gag against my cock while your saliva drips down and splits on the face. You are exasperated from the cock against you inside you mouth, but this is forgiveness. You want my cum down your throat. You want me, taste me, and have me.
As I about to cum, I take my cock out. Grab your hair and toss you to your stomach on the mattress. You’re confused. I cum on the floor, on my hand, and wipe it off your face. You hurriedly grab my hands to lick it. You go on the floor to eat it. You kiss my body to make sure every bit of it is off.
I sit down and stare at you.
I hate you because you have me.
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/hecp49/throw_me_into_the_sea