I [M] have a deep emotional connection with my [F] 2nd cousin. Am I messed up in the hear or is it justified??

My family is weird, there are 6 great aunts, 4 great uncles, and all of them are married w children, so I have a ton of cousins and 2nd cousins. The problem is almost everyone is 10 years older than me, and 10 years younger than me, besides this one cousin, we will call her Alexis for the story. So alexis and I are the same age, 18, and everyone is either way older than us or way younger than us. This happened over 2 years ago at my great grandmother’s funeral.

It has been about 6 years since I’ve last seen Alexis before this, but, like I said, because we are the same age, i figured we would hang out together again at this funeral like we always have before. This time marked my 3rd time actually seeing Alexis as she lived literally across the country from me.

Since weve both grown up now into young adults, we didnt talk much at all the first 2 days at my grandmas funeral weekend, idk why we didn’t, but we just kept our distance for some unknown reason. It was really awkward hanging out w my younger cousins and older cousins during this time, because the age gap was so large, and I couldnt drink yet, so the evenings got dull very quickly.

Then, on the third day, after my grandmas funeral, the entire family was going to meet one last time before we all went our separate ways across the country again for who knows how long. We met at our aunts house, and we were going to finally have a “happy” moment as a large family now that we have finished celebrating my grandmas life. All of the family starts drinking (my family is know for being professional wine drinkers lol), and the little kids start playing whatever they are doing, it is just us left in the house, trying to pass time. Finally, I am talking to one older cousin, when Alexis comes over and begins talking to my cousin w me.

That is when the floodgates opened.

Alexis and I sat next to each other on that living room sofa for I kid you not, 4 hours straight, just talking and getting to know each other really well. We talked about high school, we talked about our friends, our goals in life, what drugs weve done, our experiences at parties, our experiences with our grandma, the family, our relationships, our fears, our passions, our favorite foods, favorite cars, favorite movies, everything, and I was starting to figure out that I just wanted to hang out with this girl Alexis. Her energy and her persona was so caring, so loving, and so fun. We sat on the sofa talking while everyone was getting drunk, and we just gave our full attention to the other person. It was insane, it was something I have never felt before.

Sometime later, we decided we were done sitting on the couch, and we went to the basement to play pool. We played probably 10 games of pool still just continuing our conversations, full of laughing, joking, and smiling.

After that, we moved to playing card games together on the floor of the basement, still just us, enjoying each others company. There was one moment, I was laying on my side next to her, we were both smiling, and I looked up at her, and we made sharp eye contact. Our smiles slowly faded and silence came upon us as we stared into each others eyes. You could hear the faint sound of noise upstairs where all the family was, but that was it. After what seemed like 20 seconds, she let out a slow “I’m sorry” and I replied with a soft “its ok” and a soft smile accompanied with it.

Seeing the time was nearing 2am, I knew our night was about to be over. Her dad came downstairs a little while later telling her it was time for bed as they had an early flight back home the next day. We picked up the cards and the fixed the pool table before sharing a hug goodbye, and that was it, haven’t seen her in two years since.

I was up all night trying to understand what went on that night. I imagine she was too. It’s hard to describe what I felt, now at 20, I have had 5 girlfriends in my life, and NONE have made me feel the passion I felt with Alexis that one night. I still get goosebumps while writing this reminiscing over that night with her, she made me forget about all the tragedies, stress, and anxiety I had for the 8 hours we spent together. She made me feel like someone really cared about me, that someone had my back, and that I could trust her. She made me feel like I was safe and secure around her, and that I was free of judgement or ridicule beside her.

It was the strangest, but honestly, one of the best nights of my life. It is not even sexual attraction really either, it makes me feel happy, but also weird. I have never had a physical and emotion attraction that strong with another female before, and I want nothing more in life than to have that 1 on 1 time with her again.

So to end this long post, AM I FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD??? IS THIS SOMETHING ANYONE ELSE HAS EXPERIENCED??? I THINK I AM IN LOVE WITH MY 2ND COUSIN, and it sucks living with the guilt that comes with admitting that.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/gy1zw5/i_m_have_a_deep_emotional_connection_with_my_f