Worst one night stand ever [MF]

Not sure if this should be submitted to GWS or TIFU, so I’m submitting to both. Also, not a very erotic story, more of a laugh at my misfortune story. If you just want to read the sex part scroll down. This is a long story so bear with me.

In case any of you are curious I’m a standard white guy, pretty slim, 6’3″, average sized penis, long dark hair. The girl is also white, maybe 5’5″, brunette hair, bright blue eyes, maybe B-cups? Not an amazing butt. Not gorgeous, but not unattractive by any means.

A couple years ago on a warm spring day I match with a decently cute girl and we talk for a day or two. She lives in a town 40 minutes away, I go there weekly to play MtG so not a big distance. She’s the manager at Taco Time and says she can get me a cheesy burrito for free, I figured worst case scenario I get a free meal. I’m not working today or tomorrow, so why not. I shower, put on a tshirt and basketball shorts, go up and she’s just clocking out, gets me a delicious burrito like she said. We talk for 30ish minutes, mostly her talking about this Lion King show her daughter watches, and wolves. She’s really fascinated with them, tells me how the female wolf will cover the alpha’s neck in the face of a threat. I learned this in middle school but I pretended it was the first I’d heard it, she was so into the subject I didn’t want to tell her “I heard that already.” She asks if I’d like to go home with her, but has to pick up her 3 year old daughter first. No problem. She suggests we take her truck. I’m skeptical but give in, leave my car in the parking lot (always take your vehicle if possible), pick up her daughter at, I’m assuming, her dad’s house, proceed home.

This girl is BLASTING music. My music is loud, but this is obnoxious loud. Mostly Frozen and Moana songs, and Bodies by Drowning Pool. I hate that song, it wants to be metal, but it’s not metal. But I’ve dealt with worse. Also, she has a fucking lead foot. Not speeding, but flooring it after every red light turns green, daughter in the back seat. I’m clutching the Oh Shit handle and tightening my seatbelt. This is not quality parenting but I didn’t say anything. Driving out of town, further than I thought. Like 15 miles out on the outskirts of the next town, even further away from home. I’m getting nervous. Drive along a LONG gravel road. Probably a mile. Totally unfamiliar with this area. If I choose to run, nobody will find me. Finally stop at a shitty trailer and says “We’re here!” Try to look on the bright side. Obviously a big fixer upper, but no biggie.

Go inside, it stinks, place is falling apart, a portion of the ceiling is drooping from severe water damage, I can see a washing machine in the backyard full of dead weeds. No green grass at all around this place. She shows me around, shows me baby pictures, says there is no hot water, dishwasher doesn’t work, there’s a mom cat and her 4 or 5 kittens, strays obviously. She says it’s going to be torn down next month because it’ll cost less than fixing everything. I’m thinking “What the fuck have I gotten myself into?” Gives daughter her phone to watch some kids show on YouTube while mom “shows me the bedroom”. Least torn apart room in the house. Clothes scattered, but at least the smell is gone. Daughter comes in, mom’s phone has shitty reception, I give her mine to watch. She leaves. (Don’t worry, I closed everything and anything NSFW is hidden).

Mom shows me different outfits in front of a mirror, tries this and that on, nothing sexual yet. She takes this headcloth thing and wraps it around her head and makes a very racist Muslim joke. That really didn’t sit well with me so I politely asked that she please not say that. Eventually things get flirty, I make a move. I’m thinking “I’m gonna get this over with so I can get the hell out of here.” But because her daughter is in the next room, mom couldn’t get a babysitter, the stench of the place, the cats that keep coming in and out, the entire place half destroyed, and wondering in the back of my mind if I’m going to be ambushed by a group of crackheads, I couldn’t get it up. She nonchalantly asks if I could massage her lower because it’s a bit stiff. There’s cream on the dresser. I massage her for a bit, ease down her yoga pants, go down on her. We hear daughter yelling “Mommy,” I slip her pants up and daughter walks in. Her video wasn’t working so I fixed it and she leaves. Back to business.

~~~~~~~~

Strip her down completely, still barely getting a half chub. I’m trying to think of hot porn scenes, at this point she starts to go down on me (tell her it’s performance anxiety), but I keep thinking her daughter is gonna walk in or a bunch of crackheads are gonna come up behind me with my shorts around my ankles. I keep my shoes on, you know, just in case I have to run. Converse are super convenient btw.

Her daughter does walk in again so I panic and cover myself and lose any blood flow I had. She asks where mommy is (she’s under the blanket sucking my flaccid dick) but I say mom’s in the bathroom, she’ll be back in a minute. Daughter leaves. Mom never stopped sucking. This girl is a freak and it’s not hot. Can’t get hard enough to put a condom on. But eventually hard enough for penetration to work. This takes maybe 30-40 minutes to reach. In my mind I’m crying, “I just wanna go home.” I’m scared but I bite the bullet and go in raw, I just wanna get this over with. Alright, this is nice, gotta a good rhythm, not so bad now.

Heat of the moment maybe 10 minutes in she pins me down and I ask what she wants. “You wanna know what I want?” She sits up, looks me dead in the eye and says she says she wants a child. Give her a baby. Pregnancy hormones will send her horniness through the roof. WTF?! I lose all blood flow. Again. I have to get the fuck out of here! Push through all the bad thoughts.

We’re doing doggy style now. Out of nowhere she says “Yeah, be my alpha wolf.” Where the shit did that come from?! Whatever, I’m almost there. I feel that little tingle. Finally! She says she’s close, don’t stop. Too late! Pull out and finish on her back. I’m sweating.

Find a cloth and clean her off because I’m a gentleman. She asks me to eat her to finish. Sure, I love going down, and it’s only polite. Im going down for 5 minutes, eyes closed. She has shitty wifi so can’t watch porn. Next thing I know there’s this bright light in front of me. I open my eyes and she’s recording me! I’m panicking, thinking I did not consent to this, I am very uncomfortable right now, please stop! Whatever, just one more thing to wade through.

Keep going for a couple minutes, my jaw is getting tired. She pushes me off and sighs in disappointment, didn’t finish. I nervously talk and mention I should probably get home, it’s getting late, but try not to be rude about it. Get daughter, take my phone back, lots of missed messages from this and that person. Daughter has no shoes. Did she have shoes in the first place? I don’t know. Thinking this is terrible parenting but have to bite my tongue. I carry daughter to the truck while mom gets booster seat ready. Off we go!

It’s dark by this point. It’s a bit chilly but I’m sweating while listening to more stupid loud Disney songs. Happen to look over at gas gauge. Almost empty. By this point mom is singing along to epic rap battles of history. Again, not my thing. Finally make it back to Taco Time parking lot. Parked right next to my car. Home plate is right within arm’s reach! She shows me two more epic rap battles. The last one was Lady Gaga vs Cleopatra. I don’t leave too abruptly. Don’t wanna be rude. Rap battle finishes. I say I should go, I had fun, she says consider her offer [of knocking her up, we’d be exclusive fuck buddies]. My mind scream “Jesus Christ, no!”

I ask if she has enough gas to get home. Says no, will probably run out halfway then she and daughter will have to hitchhike home in the dark. FUCK. ME. I pull a 10 out of my wallet, simply say “Get home.” In my mind this wasn’t a “I want you to get home safely”, this was a “Here is $10, I never want to see you again.” Leave truck, get in my car, turn on AC and loud heavy metal to drown out all the thoughts of everything that transpired up to that point. Breathe deep for a minute, start the car, drive home feeling super grimy and disgusting. Take a hot shower. Go to bed.
I wonder if I should have called Child Protective Services….

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/ein7kf/worst_one_night_stand_ever_mf