Novice*seeking advice*

I (32F) have been exchanging erotica shorts with my best friend (34M) and I may be biased but I feel that he is quite good at it. He would like to write more but he doesn’t feel he’s good enough, so I thought I would post his work here to get some honest feedback from like minded people in what i hope will be a safe space. I will post below and any feedback is appreciated!

“Start the night off with a bath by candle light. Soaking together as the flames dance on their wicks. Our bodies casting playful shadows against the walls. The smell of eucalyptus and mint fill the air. Your back to my chest as our breath falls in sync. I lean you forward to continue to wash your back. You feel the hot water cascade down. The feeling of my lips follows. Starting in the center, I slowly work my way up. Going across from shoulder to shoulder. I can feel you tense with anticipation and an ache for more. As my lips find your neck, you feel my arm at your waist. You’re tight against my body, eyes closed as I run my hand up your inner thigh. Just as I come close to your pussy, the tease continues. You furrow your brow in disappointment. You want to feel my touch so badly. Why such torture. Your urges take over and you grab my wrist and bring my hand to your clit. As you feel the pressure of my hand increase I break from kissing your neck and you hear a breathy whisper, “Who’s pussy is this?” You can barely get out “Your pussy daddy.” “Good girl” My other hand finds your breast. As I slide a finger into your tight pussy, contrasted by a sharp tweak of your nipple. Waves fall over your body. A whimper from the pain, followed by a sharp exhale. I let you decide what’s next, “What do you want?” “I want your dick inside me.” “How does a good girl ask?” “Please Daddy.” I grab your waist and raise you up and pull you over my cock. “Put it in baby girl” As I lower you down you feel the hard head of my cock against your lips. Slowly you get what you want. Until you feel how deep it is inside. My hand quickly goes to your clit. Matching the movement of your hips you feel me get harder. A smile comes across your face as you lean your head back on my shoulder. You can feel it building; our wet bodies sliding on one another, my fingers over your clit, my lips on your neck. You can feel me tense up as I moan into your ear. “Beg for it.” You know how bad you want to feel my come inside you, it’s overwhelming at this point. Faster we go. “Please cum inside my pussy Daddy.” You fight to get the words out as the intensity builds throughout your entire body. “Again” I demand of you sternly. “Please Daddy, please give it to me. I want it all.” You feel me tighten under you and pull your hips down as my cock throbs, pouring cum into your pussy. As you feel the first pulse it sends you over the edge and we come together. I can feel your pussy gripping my cock as you come over and over. Breath taken from us. Hearts pounding in our chests. I whisper one final, “Good Girl” “

Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/131yguj/noviceseeking_advice

1 comment

  1. As a writer myself, the only thing I would suggest is to improve the grammar – there are a lot of periods where commas should be. I’ll give you a couple examples to help ☺️

    “Start the night off with a bath by candlelight, soaking together as the flames dance on their wicks, our bodies casting playful shadows against the walls.” There’s your complete sentence.

    “The smell of eucalyptus and mint fill the air, your back to my chest as our breath falls in sync.”

    That’s the only thing I can suggest, otherwise very well written and descriptive! Great job & he should absolutely keep it up 🥵👌

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