It had been three days since I had been fortunate enough to explore her body. Three days since I had her skin firmly between my teeth. Three days since I had almost told her I loved her. Three days since we had visited the heavens and seen the stars. She was much more reserved than she had been before, never quite meeting my eye. She stared at the floor each time I ordered her to dress or undress me. I silently watched her back as she slipped out of my sleeping quarters. She was but a quick little rabbit, darting away from my sharp claws and hungry lioness teeth. Each time I had cornered her, though, she would quickly dig a hole, disappearing and leaving me starving yet again.
I could order her to look me in the eye. I could order her to undress and to let me touch her the way I did that night. I could command her to kiss me and hold me in her strong, warm arms. But I knew better than to play such games. It was true that I wanted her more than anything in the world, but I was wise enough to know that I wanted her to want me the same way.
She reentered, keeping her eyes locked to the floor as if it would pull out from under her if she looked away. I could feel the warmth from her body as she pulled my Hanfu tight around my waist. “Please, sit down, Miss,” she requested. Her refusal to meet my eyes was disheartening–after our truly magical night together, she should have been closer. Instead, she was even further, out of reach from me yet still haunting my heart with that velvet tongue and nightgown barely hanging on to her frame. I obeyed, sitting in the chair next to my mirror. She rubbed the cream on her hands as I watched. Her fingers worked almost the same way they had worked inside of me, and I held my breath.
She worked the cream into my cheeks, my forehead, my chin, carefully avoiding my eyes and mouth. She then dipped her slender finger into the deep crimson color in a tiny ceramic pot, gently spreading the product on my lips. This crimson color, the same pot I had put on her when I dressed her up for my own amusement. I couldn’t help but think the color looked much nicer on her. “All of this work…” I whispered. My breath hit her hand, and it looked like she would recoil, but she sucked in a sharp breath, careful to keep her eyes on the floor. “…just to give me away to him?”
“Miss,” she said quietly. “I’m just doing my job.” She was right too, and how I hated that. I cursed whatever fate had made her job anything but kissing me.
I reached out and touched her face. My hand brushed her cheek, as soft as a gentle spring breeze, rustling through the newly formed leaves on once-dead trees. “Do you really want him to touch me like this?” I asked her softly. I took her hand and set it on my breast and added, “Or like this?”
I could see her guard waver. I could see it in her eyes. She bit her lip and shook her head, retracting her hand as soft wisps of black hair escaped from her hairdo. I wanted to reach out and tuck them behind her ear. The air hung tensely between us. The silence weighed more than the manor in which we stood, safe inside while the rain pillaged outside. “He is your fiancé,” she said finally. It looked like she wanted to say more, but she kept quiet. The silence could have hung in the air for the rest of time itself had we not heard voices echoing through the hallways. She bowed her head before ducking out of the room.
I clutched my breast, trying to steady my heart that hid behind it. The once warm feeling that enveloped me had turned to a clawing, dreadful feeling. I sucked in my own shaky breath before ducking out of the room as well.
“Beautiful,” a voice said. My mind went back to three nights ago, when the same word had been spoken so softly that I almost hadn’t heard it. This time, however, was loud and sharp; the gruff voice that had spoken it had done it no justice at all. “Absolutely beautiful.”
I looked up to see him. He was smiling with his perfect white teeth, holding out his arm for me to take. I looked over at her, and for one fleeting moment, our eyes locked. When she looked away, I felt my body turn cold again, the warmth leaving as quickly as it had come. I ordered my heart to be still as I took his arm.
He spoke words that were sickeningly sweet that would glide from his tongue like butter on a warm skillet, but they meant nothing to me. When he kissed me, I imagined it was her just to keep from expelling my breakfast. When he grabbed my thigh, I bit my tongue to keep from calling him every curse under the sun.
“I love you,” he had once told me. But I was wise. I knew what he really meant was *“I love your money.”*
He grinned at me as we entered the dining room, pulling me to the table to place me in the chair of his choosing. He sat on the other end of the table, facing me. I noticed out of the corner of my eye, she had settled into a chair near the window, opening a book. “Zhangzi,” I said loudly. “Come sit by me.”
She looked up, startled. She pointed to herself, as if there were anybody else I would request such a thing from. She nodded, closing her book and hastily taking her place in the seat next to mine. My fiancé seemed annoyed, but I didn’t care. He would just have to get used to me needing her everywhere we went if he wanted to wed me. He continued to talk about whatever he had been talking about before. I hadn’t had the decency to listen to his ramblings, preferring to think about the way I wanted to touch her or the ways I would let her touch me.
In each course, even as the room filled with servants bringing food or refilling our drinks, he never ceased talking at me. That was something about him, like many things, I despised. I absentmindedly took a sip of my champagne, trying to shut out his insufferable voice.
My hand rested on her thigh first. I, at first, had just allowed it to rest there. I let it lay on her lap as if it were deathly exhausted and her thighs were a warm feather bed.
_
_
I waved politely at the black car that took him away. The gravel crunched under the weight of the tires as they rolled away from the manor. She was back by my side–the way it should be–now that he was gone. I spun to her once the car had turned into a speck. “I want a bath,” I ordered, desperate to get the phantom feeling of his hands all over my body away. I strode away toward the manor, hearing her scramble to follow.
She undressed me the same way she had dressed me, her eyes fixed to the floor and her hands never touching me longer than they needed to in order to complete her task. My skin ignited with each brush of her fingers, craving more. When I was fully nude, she spun away from me quickly, starting toward the bath-room. “Wait,” I said, watching her stop in her tracks. She hesitated for a moment before turning, her lips drawn into a polite smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. I wanted to feel her touch and the warmth to return to my body again. “I’m tired from walking so much today. Carry me to the bath.” My voice was steady and commanding.
Her eyes darted around the room for a moment as she fought her own inner monologue. “Yes, Miss,” she said, her voice just above a whisper. I felt her strong arms wrap around me as my feet left the ground. She carried me like a baby…or maybe like a bride. I wrapped my arms around her neck securely as she took me to the bath. Her neck was inches away from my face, and I longed to pepper it with kisses the way I had done once before. She lowered me right outside the tub, and I reluctantly climbed inside, sinking into the warm water that tried so desperately to be the warmth that I could only feel when touching her.
“You look dirty,” I commented. “Undress and join me in the bath.”
I saw her eyes and the way they seemed to change at my words–as if another wall that she had so carefully built had been broken down by my command. She didn’t dare disobey. In her eyes, my command could put her on the streets, an open target for killing or robbing. What she didn’t think of was that I would put myself through those things a million times if it meant keeping her away from them. She hesitantly undressed as I watched her. Her white dress was pretty, but under it was much more breathtakingly and spellbindingly beautiful. She stepped into the bath, settling herself in the only place there was in such a small space. She sat between my legs, careful to give me as much space as she could.
I leaned over her shoulder to whisper in her ear, my breath cascading down her neck before being stopped by the water that shielded it from going any further. “Why does it feel like you’re lightyears away?” I asked her. I licked her neck slowly–painfully slow. “Why won’t you look me in the eyes anymore?”
I reached around her body, my fingers trailing up from her chest to her neck before settling my hand around her neck gently. I nipped at her ear and kissed her neck. Though she was physically much stronger than me, she was still shorter than me and smaller than me. I easily held her in my arms. She sucked in a sharp breath, a small whimper escaping her lips. “Miss…” she said again, that same small voice that had said it a few nights ago in my bed.
I smiled from behind her, elated that I could hear that tone of voice once again. I moved my hand from her neck to her breast, cupping one in my hand, cradling it with care. I used my index finger and thumb to lightly pinch her nipple, earning a yelp from her. “Don’t you want to feel it again?” I asked her. She didn’t answer, but I could feel her walls start to crash down. “Won’t you let me see it again? I’ve missed it dreadfully. Getting to see that look in your eyes.”
My hand found its way between her legs as if that were its rightful place. She let out a low moan, throwing her head back to rest against my shoulder, the warm water splashing over the sides of the tub. Suddenly, she was out of the bath, her arm over her breast and her legs shut. “I can’t, miss,” she cried. “I just can’t. Your fiancé–ah–nevermind. I-I’m sorry.” She ran out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts and my decisions and their consequences.
I sighed defeatedly, rising out of the water myself and reaching for the towel she had set out for me. I buried my face in it before using it to dry off, now both refreshed and drained. I supposed it was time for me to give up. Perhaps it was a one time thing, and I had been the only one to feel the magic that night had shown. Perhaps I had been the only one in space after all, and she had never left my bed, staying anchored down whilst I floated.
By the time I had dried off and gotten dressed, she had shut herself up in her little room next to mine. I figured an apology was necessary, for misreading the situation. I raised my fist to knock, but I heard something inside that made me pause. I didn’t want to overstep any boundaries, but my heart began its rapid thrumming against my ribcage. I then recognized what I had heard: tiny, desperate gasps for air from behind the door. Soft groans.
I knocked on the door firmly, and I heard her scramble from inside. I waited patiently on the other side of the door, listening as carefully as I could. Soon enough, the door swung open, and there she was, fully clothed. Her dress had been hastily tied from the front, and I looked her over. “I have come to apologize,” I stated.
“Oh,” she murmured. There was a pause, and I thought I could hear the wheels turning in her head. “A-Alright then. Come in.” She stepped aside to let me through, and I took a moment to take in my surroundings. Her bedroom was quaint with only a twin bed, a table, and a wardrobe.
I bowed my head, taking her hand. “I apologize.” Her hand was not quite dry, and I played with a couple reasons in my mind. “I must have misread the meaning of what happened that night. You’re right. It’s wrong for me to be so unfaithful to my fiancé.” The words pained me to say, and I knew that on my wedding day and every day after that I would only be thinking of her and the night we had spent wrapped up in each other. “I just…I hope that with time, it will feel the same way with him that it did that night.” I tried saying such things to make her feel better, but I knew I could never love him the way I loved her. I pressed a gentle kiss to the back of her hand. “Thank you for that night.”
I pushed down the painful feeling that washed over me the moment I had spoken those words aloud, making them all the more real. I let go of her hand and started towards the door, reaching out to take the handle when I heard a pain-filled sob. I turned back to see her on her knees, sobbing into her hands. “I don’t want it to,” she sobbed, repeating the phrase again and again. “I don’t want you to feel that way with anyone but me,” she confessed, tears falling in silent splatters on the wooden floor. “I don’t want anyone to touch you but me.”
My entire body lit on fire as that beautiful, scary, chaotic warmth took hold yet again. Oh, how I’d missed it! Despite the intoxicating feeling, I couldn’t help but feel a little afraid. Sure, she was shy and respectful, sometimes even awkward, but she had always been so strong and sure of herself. I had never seen her in such a…vulnerable position. I’d never seen her cry. I wanted to reach out to touch her, to comfort her in any way that I could, but I feared that if I touched her, she would blink out of existence. I couldn’t bear to even imagine a life without her in it.
I kneeled down in front of her as she wept into her hands. Her long, black hair had fallen out of its usual braid, the stray pieces covering her face. I clenched my fist in order to stop myself from reaching out and pushing it back behind her ear. I couldn’t touch her. Not yet. She was far too fragile, and I couldn’t bear to do any damage. “Why then?” I whispered, my voice so soft that only she could hear it. “Why do you want me to be with him so bad?”
_
_
**Zhangzi**
*“Looks like you’ve gotten quite close,” a voice said from behind me. I spun around, my braid whipping me in the face as I found myself standing less than a meter away from him. I had to strain my neck a little bit to even make eye contact with this beast of a man. “I would hate it if you took my precious time with the Lady away from me.”*
*“I’m just doing my job,” I stated, keeping my voice steady and my emotions at bay. I couldn’t share any weakness with him.*
*“The job I got you,” he hissed. “If it weren’t for me, then you and your family would still be starving on the streets, hm?”*
*God, I hated him. “What is all of this for?” I asked dryly. “Why have you come to remind me of such things?”*
*He grabbed my braid, pulling my face closer to his. “Stop talking like that,” he commanded. “Stop talking like you’re some noble. Act more like your kind.” His snarl sent tiny droplets of spit barreling towards my face. He straightened up again, his normal smile returning to his face. Maybe those who didn’t know his character would even call him handsome.*
*“What do you want?” I insisted again. “You’re stopping me from getting any work done.”*
*“You know what I want. It’s something I’ve been wanting.”*
*“Well, spit it out, then.”*
*My cheek stung and set ablaze with the force and power of his swing. His smile had disappeared, leaving a look of pure disgust on his face. “Bitch,” he spat. “Remember who you’re talking to.” The intensity of his voice felt like he had reached out and closed his fingers around my neck, slowly sucking the life out of me.*
*“I’ve been trying,” I relented. “Do you know how hard it is to get someone to fall in love with you?”*
*He narrowed his eyebrows at me, his eyes boring into mine. “Listen carefully. You better try harder, and she better start falling or I’ll reveal your little secret.”*
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/11jqxt7/the_lady_and_the_maid_part_ii_f20f20_no_sex
Can’t wait to read more