I interviewed my husband about our sex life [FM]

V: Alright. Let’s do this.

H: Ok.

V: How do we know each other? Or rather, what are we to each other?

H: You’re my wife… And best friend.

V: That’s a good start. Are we in love?

H: [Laughs] Oh, you’re being serious?

V: Not all married couples are.

H: Yeah you’re the ole ball and chain… Yes V, we’re in love. Very much so.

V: How often do we have sex?

H: It depends. Every other day or so.

V: How is it?

H: You know it’s great. Stop.

V: What do you think about me being Viola?

H: I don’t think about it much, honestly. Sometimes you tell a story about it and it’s weird you have “fans.” I actually didn’t realize how many people read your stories until you put together that thing for your agent, but it doesn’t surprise me. You don’t really do things you’re bad at.

V: I’m bad at plenty of things.

H: I said you don’t do things you’re bad at, V. You just avoid things you don’t kick ass at.

V: [Laughs] Like what?

H: Um… Anything that requires prolonged attention to detail. Your ADHD gets in the way.

V: That’s funny because it’s true.

H: When you do something you go all in. It’s why you’re good at working.

V: Not as good as you.

H: Well, you make more money than me.

V: That’s actually a good question. Does that bother you?

H: Why would it? I benefit from it.

V: What if I wanted to stop working? Would that bother you?

H: No, but I think you’d end up working anyway. Like when you took four months off and just wrote a book. You’re kind of a workaholic even though you pretend to hate it. It’s funny because I think “Viola” is an outlet for you to turn sex into work.

V: So it doesn’t bother you that literally a million people sometimes read my stories and get off?

H: Oh that’s so weird to think about. Um… Not really, honestly. It’s been a good outlet.

V: For what?

H: …You know for what.

V: Say it.

H: You’re a very sexual person and I think this helps… Um… I think I benefit from you having an outlet.

V: [Laughing] Because my sex drive is so high.

H: For the record, mine is too. It’s just not like yours.

V: Have you ever been tempted to read my stories?

H: Um… Not really. I’ve thought about it. When you’re published I probably will. I don’t need every detail of your past sexual history… Not that I mind! It just doesn’t need to be in my head.

V: What about the ones about you?

H: You write about me? Like… often? That’s really flattering. Do people like it?

V: I think you’re a fan favorite. I usually call you my ex boyfriend so our sex life doesn’t turn into fucking for an audience. Sometimes it’s just so good and I want to say it’s my husband though, so I do.

H: Married sex is a fan favorite? We don’t even get that weird.

V: …

H: …Usually. Ok, we don’t USUALLY get that weird.

V: If it makes you feel better, when I talk about our rough sex I usually don’t name you.

H: Why?

V: Well now I don’t know. It just doesn’t seem important that they know that part.

H: That’s interesting. Wait, what do your followers say about me? I have to know now. Like, what do they know about me?

V: Oh… I usually describe you as being really secure and a good person. I tweet about you a lot because I think you’re funny. Honestly, I think a lot of my account is kind of an ode to how much I love you. I just never thought about that until now. My entire account is about my life experiences that helped me grow so I could be with you. I’m being so cheesy right now.

H: That’s so fucking sweet. I just can’t imagine you being open on the internet. You’re so private in real life.

V: I think being anonymous helps.

H: Interesting… It’s therapy.

V: I guess to an extent. So, does my sexual history bother you? I get asked that so much.

H: No, why would it?

V: I fucked a lot of people, bro.

H: I’m aware, love. Does my sexual history bother YOU? I wasn’t a saint, you know?

V: Yes… You had a one night stand once and everything.

H: I had a lot of girlfriends!

V: True… None as good as me.

H: Obviously, I married you. Seriously though, no your sexual history doesn’t bother me… I um… I learned a lot.

V: Learned a lot?

H: Yeah. I ate the forbidden fruit.

V: What specifically? What am I like in bed?

H: It depends on your mood.

V: Really?

H: Yeah, obviously. I can tell when you want to get… Rougher. Other times you’re just sweet. I usually don’t even have to ask. You’re always very passionate though. That’s how I would describe you.

V: What do you prefer?

H: …I don’t know. I think I just like having sex with you. I think I like when we’re sweet because I get the sense very few people got that with you in the past.

V: No one else.

H: You never had sweet sex with anyone else?

V: Not like it is with us… What’s that look?

H: Nothing, I can just tell you’re being honest and it’s nice to hear.

V: Oh fuck off.

H: You’re just being really cute right now!

V: What’s the weirdest thing we’ve done?

H: Um… Why don’t you answer that one? I don’t want to say spill your business.

V: Dude, they’ve read about me in compromising positions. Don’t worry about it.

H: Um… Ok. You’re not shy with your mouth… In many intimate places. That was a first. I wasn’t expecting to like it.

V: What else am I like in bed?

H: Ehhhh, it’s not really what you do but how you do it. You love sex. That actually did bother me when we first started dating.

V: That I love sex?

H: Um… Yeah. Not that you loved it. I was worried you didn’t love me and only loved sex.

V: I think I fell in love with you after like a week. I just didn’t know how to express it.

H: You express love with sex. I know that now but I didn’t at the time.

V: Do I? I never thought about that. I guess that makes sense. I didn’t tell a lot of people I loved them.

H: …Yeah. Well now you actually talk about your feelings though.

V: You told me I had to or we were going to break up. You said that when we first started dating.

H: It wasn’t an ultimatum but a fact. It wasn’t sustainable. It was hard getting to know you. You were hard to date.

V: Am I hard to be married to?

H: Of course not. Sometimes it’s tough to see my best friend be hard on herself. Like… Yeah that’s painful. You’re the most rewarding relationship I’ve ever been in though. By far.

V: Rewarding?

H: Yeah. Life is never boring and I like the way your brain works. I don’t like when your brain attacks you, but when you’re good you’re really, really good. I love how curious you are. You tell really funny stories and… You make every experience better. Sometimes I read the same books you read just because I like the way you analyze them.

V: …I’m about to cry.

H: See? Like this. It’s sweet. You’re sweet. Also, you attract people and it’s cool to watch. People really love you. I’ve never seen anyone with so many fiercely loyal friends. I benefit a lot from that.

V: Sometimes I don’t know why I have such loyal friends.

H: I do.

V: …

H: What’s sex like with me?

V: Mind blowing.

H: Really?

V: Really. Like, the best I’ve ever had.

H: I’m the best you’ve ever had?

V: Yeah. Our connection comes out during sex. No one understands my body like you do. We have really good foreplay. I guess I’m also just really attracted to you, but I also like how much you know my body. I never have to question it. You just like having sex with me. Also, you’re like one of the few men I’ve been with who is genuinely good at giving oral.

H: [Laughs] But not as good as women.

V: [Shrugs] Don’t take it personally.

H: I don’t.

V: What’s my best physical feature.

H: Your eyes… Ok and your butt.

V: You do like my butt.

H: There are worse things in the world than your husband liking your butt.

V: True. I like your penis the best, in case you were wondering.

H: Pick something else. That can’t be your answer.

V: No. That’s my favorite.

H: V…

V: Ok… I like… Everything. I don’t know. It’s not a cop out, you’re just physically perfect. Do you know that?

H: You’re being a goof.

V: [Name] answer me honestly. You always shrug this off. Do you understand how attractive you are?

H: Yeah. I do.

V: When did you figure it out?

H: Puberty.

V: Oh my god, you’re so uncomfortable.

H: There’s not a good way to respond to that! People will just comment on it and I can’t just say, “Damn straight!”

V: People do comment on it a lot! It’s so weird! I’ve been with other attractive people and I’ve never seen people just comment on the street. It’s insane.

H: Yeah it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know how to respond.

V: You always make a joke instead.

H: Oh yes, using humor to dodge feelings is your thing. But… Yeah. I guess I pretty much just stopped getting rejected and noticed girls liked me. I always had girlfriends though. Actually when I met you was my longest stint being single. I hadn’t had a girlfriend for three years.

V: Why?

H: Grad school… Honestly, I was also hooking up with a few girls at once and it was… I was just young.

V: Yeah… Thanks for the heads up on that, by the way. I was so confused why half of your female friends hated me. As it turns out you had fucked them all. Good on you though.

H: I didn’t fuck them ALL. And we just happened really fast. One day I was known for being the guy who… I don’t know what they’d say-

V: [Friend] called you a man whore, I believe.

H: I wasn’t THAT bad. But yeah. I was that and then the next day I was like, “Oh hey! Meet my girlfriend, V! You know how I’ve been saying I didn’t want a girlfriend for a year? Turns out I did.” I didn’t have time to give everyone a heads up.

V: It’s so weird how fast we happened.

H: That’s why I had other girls around.

V: I guess I can’t be mad we hang out with people you used to fuck.

H: Oh yeah, you THINK?

V: So… What do you think of my exes or past hookups? I get asked that question a lot on my AMAs.

H: It depends on the ex. Like, [name] is my best friend. Others I’m less fond of.

V: Who?

H: …I never liked [K].

V: Oh snap, you finally said it out loud.

H: Even if y’all had never touched each other I wouldn’t have liked him. He’s not the kind of guy I usually like being around.

V: Say more… I get asked this a lot.

H: He was kind of sexist, V.

V: No he wasn’t.

H: He was! Not really to you, but some of the comments he said about the women he was with bothered me. He would just straight up tell me really personal stories and it’s like… Maybe that girl wouldn’t want you talking about butt plugs.

V: He would say degrading sex isn’t sexist and sex is a natural part of life. Sorry, I don’t mean to defend him.

H: And he just always seemed obsessed with sex generally and… He’s a lot. He’s just kind of a mess.

V: This is so weird. You’ve never said this out loud. You were so patient when we were friends.

H: He was always into you. I knew it. He knew it. I think you knew it. And it was annoying the way he threw the fact that y’all both have PTSD in my face. Like it was some contest because I didn’t have a tragic past.

V: He did that?

H: Um yeah… He’d go off about how “people like you and him” just do things differently. He once said people like y’all can never get married and that he understood you more than anyone else. That’s true to an extent, but I also think I objectively understand you more than he did.

V: …I’d actually agree with that. You do get me more than him. Were you ever afraid I’d cheat?

H: Not physically, no.

V: Not physically?

H: I think there was a level of emotional connection you’d slip in to. Y’all talked about sex a lot and I think you both… Something was there. There was tension. It was hard.

V: I would have given him up earlier if you asked me.

H: I never would have asked that of you. It’d be asking you to change. I know what I signed up for and I wanted everything… Even that.

V: You know it was nothing compared to us, right?

H: Oh yeah. I think that’s why it never bothered me much. It still doesn’t bother me when y’all talk. I know how much you love me, V. Maybe everyone thinks this, but I sincerely didn’t even know you could love someone the way I love you. It’s really rare. I also know… Maybe I just kind of feel sorry for him. I think that’s honestly why I never had the heart to ask you to two you let up. He needed you.

V: …I wrote about [M] a lot too.

H: *Bursts out laughing* Ok, I prefer her.

V: Really?

H: Yeah. The chaotic part of your personality reminds me of her. Also, I’d much rather have someone say, “I’d fuck your girlfriend again in a second” than be passive aggressive about it. At least she was honest.

V: She said that to you?

H: The first time we met…

V: Are you attracted to her?

H: Ok… it’s kind of hard not to be.

V: I once went on a date with a dude and he met her and he said “You get hotter girls than me!” I was on a fucking date with him.

H: I think you’re hotter than her if that’s what you’re implying.

V: Oh, I know you think I’m beautiful. I’m not insecure.

H: I am completely and totally attracted to you, V.

V: It’s ok that you think she’s hot! Stop! I know she’s hot… That’s why I used to fuck her.

H: Honestly- and this is not me fetishizing lesbians or your sexuality in the slightest- but the two of you together is kind of hot. Again, not to sexualize the idea. I don’t feel that way about [your other ex girlfriend] but I sincerely like her energy and it’s kind of funny what she brings out in you. She talks way too much though. I think I’ve said a total of ten sentences to her.

V: She dominates the conversation… And other things.

H: Yes she’s been quite clear about that… She once asked me how often I spank you.

V: [Groans] No she didn’t.

H: I said whenever you’re bad.

V: No you didn’t!

H: You can’t get mad at me for talking about our sex life when she described, in great detail, the way you moaned her name and what you taste like.

V: Jesus, I’m so sorry.

H: It’s um… Really ok.

V: You’re a dirty, dirty man!

H: I wouldn’t hate seeing you with a woman and she’s really pretty, V. She intentionally puts those images in my head.

V: You realize it’s to fuck with you, right?

H: I always felt it was more like a test.

V: A test?

H: Yeah… Like she tried to bait me. It didn’t work, but I was kind of charmed by it.

V: You’ve also practically seen me with a girl.

H: The fire dancer?

V: I wish we had fucked her. She was really hot.

H: Why didn’t we?

V: You were drunk. I feel weird doing new sexual things when someone’s drunk.

H: Y’all made out a lot.

V: Y’all made out a lot!

H: Yep… That was fun. It’ll happen one day. A threesome, I mean.

V: Yeah… We do get hit on as a couple a lot.

H: We do! I think it’s you. You have an energy that I think makes people think about sex. That’s why we can be picky. It’s legitimately weird how many people have asked if we’re open. Did you know [our mutual friends] did?

V: Really?

H: Yeah, he was like, “I want you to know that you’re one of the few men I’d trust to fuck my wife.”

V: I think we’re too close with them though…. plus, I’m more attracted to [wife]. It’d end up just me and her fucking while y’all play with your dicks in the corner. It’s a shame you’re not queer. I’d be into seeing you fuck a dude.

H: You’d be into watching a guy with another guy?

V: Sure, when I watched porn I watched gay porn sometimes. Babe… You also know I’ve fucked two dudes at once, right?

H: You have?

V: Yes! It was like my third threesome. I watched them fuck each other. I’ve told you this, by the way.

H: I genuinely forgot this story. To be fair, you can’t expect me to remember all of your experiences. You um… Have a lot.

V: You calling me a slut?

H: I’m commenting on your vast amount of experience I adore and benefit from. Plus, you call yourself a slut! I would never do that.

V: Well…

H: Jesus. I would never do that unless you asked me to in bed. That doesn’t count.

V: I’m like… Kind of turned on now.

H: Calm down. You’re still too sick.

V: What’s the best sex we’ve ever had?

H: That’s an impossible question.

V: Well… Try.

H: Describing it is a little weird.

V: This is anonymous.

H: It’s just… We have a lot of good sex. Once I came back from a work trip and you were naked and… It was just really hot.

V: I was naked and it was really hot? That’s it?

H: Ok… I bent you over the table and you screamed my name when you came. I liked that… I also like when you “naked man” me. If I could go back in time and tell my younger self I’d have a hot wife who just randomly gets naked, I wouldn’t have minded getting bullied so much.

V: I didn’t know that did it for you. I just like getting naked. That’s more for me.

H: It’s… Pretty sexy. Also I guess just when…

V: Oh my god, just say it!

H: Head, ok? You’re very enthusiastic about giving head.

V: It’s actually my favorite sex act.

H: Not when I go down on you?

V: Honestly? This is no reflection of your skills, but I really prefer giving you head or just fucking. I like giving you pleasure, I think.

H: It was… That was fun when we first started dating.

V: I think that’s why you kept dating me.

H: Don’t do that. I was pretty fucking in love with you from day one. The sex was just a fun side note.

V: You thought I was crazy.

H: You are crazy. If anything the craziness has come out more as I’ve gotten to know you. That’s why I love you. Although crazy isn’t the right word. I knew you just thought differently.

V: Someone asked if I was on the spectrum the other day. Someone asked Viola that.

H: …Are you?

V: Um… No. Sometimes when I read about someone with ASD I relate but I think I just have CPTSD.

H: I do too. I think that’s why you hate talking about feelings sometimes. You have a hard time processing. You don’t always pick up on things but it comes out more as blind optimism.

V: Does it frustrate you?

H: I get frustrated by what happened to you… And I get in a blind rage at [redacted] because it sucks watching someone I love struggle. I know you struggle more than you let on.

V: You do?

H: Yeah, I can tell when you’re off.

V: …I don’t like talking about it.

H: I wish you would… But it’s hard. Because you’re also the person I love and I really love your brain and I can’t imagine you differently.

V: I guess I can’t either.

H: …I love you.

V: …

H: Ok, what was the best sex we ever had in your eyes?

V: Really?

H: Sure.

V: Oh… It was when you met [my ex]. I thought you were going to break up with me but instead you just got really pissed at him. I just felt like I had a teammate and we fucked for like two hours after that. Two fucking hours! That was the first time we used handcuffs. You kept toying with me… I just wanted you so fucking bad. It was like I couldn’t get enough. I fell asleep and had a sex dream about you and then we fucked again in the morning. We had really, really good sex that night.

H: That’s when I really discovered your you drawer.

V: What toys were new to you? I’m curious.

H: You overestimate me. I never used toys before you. I had no idea what bondage was.

V: You’re damn good at it now. You were good that night too. I guess I didn’t realize it was you first time with handcuffs.

H: That’s one of like three Viola stories I have actually read. You read it out loud, remember? …Why did you change it?

V: Which part? I change a lot of stuff for various reasons.

H: He wasn’t just rude about you having a boyfriend… He like… He almost hit you. And he called you trash. I should have punched him.

V: I loved you more when you didn’t.

H: I hate that guy. You know, he messed you up too.

V: I know, but I really don’t like men who fight. [Other ex] did that and it’s annoying. I’m glad you don’t punch people.

H: Did he ever hit you? You dodge the question.

V: …No. But sometimes he’d get aggressive and it scared me. Like he wouldn’t let me out of a car once and kept swerving. All because my ex boyfriend tried to follow me on social media. I ended up giving him head to calm him down. What’s fucked up is I wrote that story like it was funny, but it wasn’t.

H: You do that a lot. It’s interesting knowing your real stories because you often tell them like they’re funny.

V: Does it bother you?

H: It makes me sad. You have a lot going on up there and you’re so goofy to cover. It’s weird because I think most people don’t know you have any insecurities. You kind of put on a face, but I think it’s to make other comfortable.

V: You know I interviewed my ex, right? At that Christmas party. I put it on my blog.

H: Yeah. That actually made me laugh because yalls interactions are almost comical now. You’re just so over his bullshit. He gets so mad that he can’t get a rise out of you.

V: True.

H: How many people were you having sex with when we met?

V: That came out of nowhere.

H: It’s a sex blog, right?

V: You first.

H: Two. I had two girls I was kind of going back and forth with. I wish I hadn’t done that.

V: Why? You were honest with them.

H: One of them really liked me. So how many people were you with when we met? Stop dodging. I’ve always wondered.

V: Two… And one kind of floated in and out. I didn’t have sex with anyone else after I met you though. Like, immediately after our first date.

H: Me either. Did you know? Like, know we were going to end up together?

V: Um… I didn’t know we’d get married but I knew we were going to be something. I had never felt that before.

H: I hadn’t either. It really scared me. I wasn’t really planning on getting married.

V: You wanted to get married eventually though.

H: Yeah but I was in a place where I thought I wanted to be single. That immediately changed when we met. I just didn’t think I’d find you so soon.

V: I NEVER thought I would married until I met you.

H: Then I thought I was going to be too straight laced for you. You were very upfront about how kinky you were.

V: Me too… It turns out you’re… I don’t know. I don’t know how to describe it.

H: We balance each other out. You make my life interesting and I bring you stability. It’s like when we bought our apartment.

V: In my darker days I’m afraid I’m bad for you. Like, maybe you’d be better with someone more stable.

H: I literally never think that.

V: Never?

H: V… Never. It was the best thing I ever did. I really like the life we built.

V: I’m crying a little. I still think you’re out of my league.

H: I think it’s a good sign we both think we married someone out of our league.

V: I think I want to end it here… Because I want to fuck.

H: Don’t put that in the interview.

V: Why? I want to fuck my husband. What’s wrong with that? It’s been a while because we’ve both been so sick.

H: Fine… But end with something else.

V: You’re my best friend.

H: You’re mine too.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/11a2u3d/i_interviewed_my_husband_about_our_sex_life_fm