37F – recently fucked my student and can’t stop thinking about younger men, new professor here [FM]

I tend to be a private personn but I thought I’d give it a shot and share my story. I recently started my career in academia after completing my PhD. I’m now working at a large academic institution on the east coast as an adjunct professor. I’m in my late 30’s and have been married to since my mid 20’s. Moving across the country for my new job has put quite some strain on our relationship.

I’ve been under a lot of stress with trying to familiarize myself with the new position, managing my teaching course load, and just everything in my personal life. I’ve had to teach courses as a TA during my doctorate studies, but being the actual prof entailed so much more stress. I was barely sleeping 4-5 hours each night prior to the start of the course just so I could make sure the materials I prepared were perfect and that I’d be ready for anything thrown at me.

The course started without a hitch. Students were great in class, my PowerPoints had no issues, everything had gone according to plan. Then came my first office hour session. Nobody showed up. That was fine, because it was the first week and barely any content was taught yet. Fast forward another week. Course pace was picking up, and again I was sitting in my office during open office hours. 1.5 hours in and I was so disappointed that nobody showed up.

It was like the perfect storm because I had been stressed, sleep deprived, things were turbulent with my husband still, and all I wanted was my first course to go well. For some reason I convinced myself that a measure of success was how many students showed up to office hours. It was also almost nearing my time of the month so I was emotional as hell. I tried giving my husband a call (I needed someone to talk to and hopefully he could calm me down), but his line was busy. Before I ACTUALLY started crying, one of my students showed up.

I’m not kidding when I say that I instantly perked up. It was like I took five shots of espresso, because I was ready to help this guy out. I recognized him from my class, didn’t know his name, but he was about a foot taller than me and obviously spent more time in the gym than anywhere else. I invited him to sit down and asked him what help he needed.

He just sat there, looking straight in my eyes, didn’t pull out any papers or a laptop. He definitely was not nervous, but it seemed like he was carefully scoping out the situation. I nearly deflated when the first words he spoke were, “I don’t actually need help with the course”. I’ll be honest I felt so defeated. And pissed. He then proceeded to tell me that he finds me really attractive. I’m used to being hit on by guys in professional and non-professional contexts, but the timing of his advances were just wrong. I told him he should go if he was just there to mess around, and said something on the lines of “I’m very busy” (which clearly I was not because nobody came to office hours). After some back and forth that I can’t recall, he walked out.

I honestly felt so defeated afterwards. I tried calling my husband again and he picked up. I told him what happened from beginning to end, and he burst out laughing. He found it hilarious. I think he was trying to lighten the mood when he asked “was he good looking at least?“ (referring to that jock who showed up, suggesting that at least one positive is that the guy was hot…).

I should mention that the sex in our relationship has been dry for several years. When he said that, it just triggered me in some way. I hung up on him and that was the end of it, or so I thought.

A week later I had a really big argument with my husband. Won’t explain what it was about, but I went to work fuming. I had office hours that afternoon, and the same guy showed up again. I didn’t even give him a chance and just said something horrible like “walk away right now if you’re going to say something stupid”. I was an asshole because he actually came for some course related stuff. I apologized profusely when I realized he had legitimate questions. So needless to say that after I answered his questions and chatted with him a bit, my guard was down.

I’m not justifying my actions here but I just wanted to present all of the information just so that you know what I was dealing with. This guy played sports and was FIT. He came in to my office wearing well fitted shorts and a tight workout top. I could literally see the imprint of his abs through his shirt. He. Has. ABS. During my college days I’d be that girl who just thirsted over muscles… well those days never officially ended, but I toned it down after getting married.

SO this guy is getting ready to leave as he stands up and does a stretch. His top was really fitted so as he raised his arms, the shirt rode up his abdomen and I saw everything. AND HE SAW THAT I SAW. The smirk that showed up on his face was truly panty melting. All he said was, “You like what you see?”, and that’s all it took for me to get flushed.

I’m still not sure what possessed me to do what I did next. I walked to the door and shut it. If you ask me what I was trying to achieve from shutting the door, my genuine answer is that I do not know. I really wasn’t thinking straight but I also wasn’t thinking “oh hell yeah I’m gonna fuck this guy and cheat on my husband”. Nope. I just wanted to play it by ear.

But clearly this guy had an idea of what was going to happen. Maybe he’d done stuff like this in the last, but before I even fully turned around, he already pulled his shirt off his body. His chiseled chest was just staring at me dead in the face. I was so screwed, and I came to terms with that. The next few minutes felt like a fever dream. We started aggressively making out and my hands were just touching his body everywhere. I felt like I was in heat.

I can’t even recall the details or the chronicity of things, but our clothes were on the ground pretty quickly. He was so rough and dominating that I actually had to call a time out when he was just inches away from putting himself inside me. That was when my adult brain kicked back in and some clarify flowed back into my mind. I pushed myself away from him and told him I couldn’t cheat on my husband (as if what we did already didn’t constitute cheating, but again, I never said my actions make a lot of sense).

So now we were just two naked people in a small office. I knew I wasn’t ready to be penetrated vaginally, because “that would be cheating”, but I couldn’t stop craving him. Instead, I got on my knees and gave him head. It was chaotic, messy, and rough, but it was the best thing I’d done in forever. He finished in my mouth because I didn’t want there to be any mess in my office. At the end of the day, he left with my number and I left with a sore throat.

Did I eventually fuck him? Yes. It wasn’t in my office because he wanted to fuck me properly on a bed. Oh right, this was a month ago. We’ve probably done it around 4 times. Raw. I know I’m being irresponsible but it feels good. I was hesitant to take it to that stage initially, but things continued to be rocky with my marriage. Things are a lot better with my husband now, but some new problems have arisen.

I can’t stop thinking about guys like the one I slept with. Young, dominant, attractive and fit… It feels quite liberating to tell my story because it’s been killing me on the inside whenever I see someone on campus and I start getting wet.

It’s the weekend so I’m quite free and open to chats. My PMs are open if you happen to be the kind of guy I described. Also, if you’ve had similar experiences with a teacher, I’m also curious to chat! Please don’t bother if you’re just trying to ask me which college I work at.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/yb6p72/37f_recently_fucked_my_student_and_cant_stop