_I hope I do this right_ thought Diana. She was nervous…excited yes, but the nerves of the whole situation had her heart racing and her mind unable to concentrate. _You’ve thought about this a million times. It can’t be that hard._
She looked up at the frat boy. Was his name Kyle? He sat in an armchair his dingy dorm room and leaned back. He looked down at Diana with a giant smile. The kind of smile born out of two things: a bit too much Jaegermeister, and knowing that he was about to get his dicked sucked.
Diana hesitated. She didn’t _have_ to do this. She _wanted_ to, right? Yes. She wanted to. She really wanted to. She wanted to give her first blowjob.
She smiled up at him. _Ok, time to see it_. She pulled his khaki shorts down, getting no help from him. He wasn’t saying anything. Just looking down at her. His cock sprang up. It was…a touch bigger than the two other dicks Diana had seen and touched and grabbed. But manageable.
Diana’s heart was racing. _Ok_ she thought. _Let’s do this_. Diana thought about every hint she’d ever gotten from one of her more experienced friends. She tried to remember every Cosmo article that talked about giving “good head.” _Absolutely no teeth. There’s no blowing involved. Gentle pressure. Use your tongue. Focus on the underside. No need to gag. Steady rhythm_.
She was gonna be good at this. She _knew_ it.
Diana opened her mouth and leaned forward, and took a dick in her mouth for the first time.
It felt…bigger than it looked. Blowjobs seemed so _easy_ but it was actually kind of uncomfortable to have her whole mouth full of….well, cock. She was struggling to breathe.
_Breathe through your nose_ she remembered. _Take it easy_.
Ok, that was better. She moved her tongue to the underside of Kyle’s cock and just…pressed it. She felt clumsy. She felt like she was being terrible at this.
Diana closed her eyes and started to move her head up and down. _Is it ok if I drool?_ she thought. _tonge movement is important_. She started to swirl it. _Don’t forget to breathe_.
_You’re sucking a dick, D_ she thought. _You’re giving a blowjob. It’s finally happening._
Diana kept her eyes closed and just sort of moved her head on autopilot. _lick it like a popsicle._
***
The truth is that she was still heartbroken about Steve. She had fallen in love with him after the fourth date. And she’d cried the entire weekend after he told her it wasn’t gonna work out.
He’d given her the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech. But she’d asked around and had learned the truth: Steve thought she was a prude. A kiss after four dates? No way. That’s not what he wanted. This was college. He wanted to get laid.
The worst thing is that Diana agreed with him. She _wasn’t_ a prude. She would have LOVED to suck Steve’s dick. She would have loved to have sex with him. If she didn’t do it it wasn’t because of prudishness: it was out of shyness. Out of insecurity.
Diana was the most insecure person she knew. The thought of doing something wrong, of letting someone down…it was too much. And so she hadn’t led Steve on. And he’d interpreted it as prudishness. Even though she “would have let him do anything to her” (her words).
But he was right. That was the worst part. She had to fix it. She had to fix it.
And that’s why she’d come to this party on a mission. She’d come here to find a guy, any guy, and give a blowjob. _Just get it over with_.
Kyle had found her near the beer pong tables. He had been nice, they had taken a few shots. Danced a song. Had two more shots each. Danced again. And then Diana had drawn on every fiber of courage she had in her system:
“Let’s go to your room”
Everything about her pysche had resisted her saying those words. What if he laughed at her. What if he said no. What if he judged her. What if the music suddenly stopped and everyone at the party turned to face her and laugh. What if what if what if. But the heartbreak from Steve had been to strong. The desire to prove him, her, the world, wrong. She wasn’t a prude. She could stop being shy.
And here she was. On her knees, head bobbing up and down, the quiet thump-thumping of downstairs music through the walls.
***
Kyle grunted and buckled his hips, bringing Diana out of her reminiscing about Steve. She had to adjust her head so Kyle’s cock didn’t hit her throat. How long had she been sucking this guy?
_How long does it take for a guy to cum?_ she thought. Diana had fallen into a rhythm: head up, head down, rub her tongue against the underside of his dick. Head up, head down, rub her tongue against the underside of his dick. Slurp up the spit that was running down the corners of her lips. Repeat, repeat repeat.
She had imagined her first blowjob going differently: with a boyfriend, a love (Steve?). In a sunkissed bedroom. She doing all the moves she’d read about: corkscrew and eye contact and humming and flicking her tongue and everything. But she was having a much harder time right now just focusing on the basics: _head up, head down, rub her tongue against the underside._
She didn’t mind it. In fact… she was kind of enjoying this. As her mind drifted from her memories to the present moment, she began tuning in to the smaller signal Kyle was giving her: how his hips buckled. How his moans became grunts. How suddenly he grew quiet.
_Am I doing something wrong?_ she thought. Then, immediately: _omg no. He’s close._
Kyle had stopped grunting, and if Diana had been able to open her eyes and look up she would have seen his eyes slammed shut, focusing on the _spectacular_ suckjob he was receiving from this frat party slut between his legs.
And with the realization that Kyle was close, Diana felt a rush that she had never felt before in her entire life: she felt _empowered._ She felt, all of a sudden, like she was in control. She felt like she had reduced this confident guy—a guy she never would have dreamed of talking to casually like that, not in a million years—she had reduced him to a silent panting pile on his armchair, at the mercy of her mouth and lips and tongue.
And then it happened. He buckled his hips violently. Thrusting them up. Diana put her hands on his thighs–where else was she supposed to do them? And tried to adjust her head so that she could keep bobbing it with the same cadence as before. She slammed her tongue against the underside of his cock and then she felt it…engorge. She felt (imagined? was her mouth really that sensitive?) his dick swell and she felt Kyle’s semen pump through his shaft. He grunted: loudly. Her heart was pounding. _He’s cumming. He’s cumming. He’s cumming_ she thought, trying to keep her place against him, and then she tasted four long huge spurts of cum on her tongue and insides of her cheeks.
She kept licking and bobbing until he pushed her head off, and then she…gulped. All down, in one go.
_I did it I did it I did it I did it I did it_ she thought. her mind was free-associating words as her body panted gulps of fresh air: _he came, his cum, his jizz, his semen, I sucked it, I did it, I gave a blowjob_
“Holy shit” grunted Kyle and he collapsed backwards onto the back of the armchair. “That was fucking SPECTACULAR!” he said.
_He’s just saying that_ thought Diana, but then she looked up at him. His face was contorted, his eyes were saucers. It was true. It had been spectacular.
“That’s the best blowjob I’ve ever had in my life. You’re a machine, good god.”
And yes, Diana had been a machine. Throughout her sad hearbroken reverie she had sucked him up and down, pressed that tongue of hers against his dick, repeated it like a cocksucking metronome. She had milked him dry.
And then the reality of what had happened dawned on her. She saw Kyle’s face and…it hit her. He saw herself through his eyes. He saw a pretty nerdy little college sophomore in a little red dress, thic thighs and a beautiful freckled face, kneeling in _his_ dorm room, _sucking his cock to completion_ after knowing him for 30 or 40 minutes, tops.
_He must think I’m a slut._
The thought horrified her….but was also…exhilarating. _Me. Diana. A college slut._
She blushed. Deep. Hard. She felt her cheeks burning. Kyle pulled his shorts up and covered his spit-soaked balls and dick.
“Uh, I should go” she said and got up slowly. Her knees were wobbly. She realized her jaw hurt.
“uh,what? Don’t you wanna stay?”
_no_ thought Diana. _I don’t want to stay. But I fucking LOVE that you want me to_
She stumbled towards the door, drunker than she had thought she was. The alcohol had creeped up on her while she….gave a blowjob.
She thought she might feel ashamed, or happy, or joyful. She was feeling buzzed. By the booze and in her soul. She walked out of Kyle’s room walking on clouds.
***
_Sorry for the reposts everyone: trying to get the tags straight on the title!_
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/w9sb8x/sucking_dick_for_the_first_time_a_heartbroken