Stay at my side Ch. 11 [M/F] [friends] [cuddling] [accepting feelings]

Chapter 11: Acceptance

[Chapter 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/v9hau7/stay_at_my_side_ch_01_childhood/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) [Chapter 10](https://www.reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/vlghty/stay_at_my_side_ch_10_mf_friends_massage/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)

I didn’t know why I even asked him this question. There was one, pretty obvious, answer but neither of us wanted to say it out loud. This couldn’t be true. Matt has always been my best friend and nothing more. When did this even happen? You don’t fall for someone you’ve known for so long in a matter of seconds, right?

This was too much for me. He was already hugging me but I needed more. I climbed onto his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt safe in his arms. Nothing could hurt me here, not even my own dumb feelings. “It’s alright Casey, you would also feel this if you touched yourself there and you aren’t in love with yourself, right? I just count as a part of you in this case because we know and trust each other this much.”
A nice thought. Matt could be right, this doesn’t need to mean anything. We were both relieved that he found another answer to my reaction because we were both afraid of the other one.

I let go of him and leaned backward. I supported myself by leaning onto my arms but I still sat on his lap. “Sorry, for causing us this trouble.” I knew he wouldn’t accept the apology but I still wanted to tell it him. “It’s better to talk about this kind of stuff. Imagine what would have happened if you kept it for yourself and thought that you… liked me a little more.” He was right, talking to him always made things better. I should just say what I was thinking. “What if I like you more?” It sounded even worse after I spoke it out. Matt looked a little irritated at first but caught himself again. Who was I to ask him such questions? He already has helped me enough. “I don’t know. But I would still be your best friend. I would still hold you if you need it. Even if it would make you horny.”

We both grinned a little. How could he be so sweet? I was sure I didn’t deserve him but I guessed no one did that so it would be okay if I took him. I should give him something back. I already thought about this many times and now I had an idea. I let myself fall back on the mattress and pulled him with me. He could catch himself before hitting me but I gently pulled him down onto me. He was heavier than expected. His head laid on my chest. I didn’t have a problem with that, I trusted him and he didn’t seem to mind either. After a while, he also wrapped his arms around me and closed his eyes.

Now I knew how it always was out of his perspective. I had to admit that it felt good to be in his position. He looked relieved and calm and it felt good to make the other one feel like this. The weight of his head fitted perfectly with the warm feeling in my chest, I got from holding him. I pulled him a little closer and I felt how his grip also tightened. This wasn’t just for him. It made me feel so good to be able to also care about him instead of being a burden all the time.

It was good that the feeling I had before, has worn off because I doubted that I would be able to handle him on top of me while being aroused. Now it was just a heavy comforting weight that rested on me. He looked so innocent. How could I react like this after he touched me? It felt wrong, I had to respect the boundaries between friend- and relationship. Even if I’d have a crush on him or even more. He was way out of my league.

While I struggled to get through school, he was a straight-A student without even studying. He had so many talents and was still nice to everyone. If we were to have a family I couldn’t provide anything… A smile sneaked itself onto my face when I thought about becoming a family with Matt. The smile was followed by guilt because I just made it harder if I thought about this. I would never be with Matt, neither of us ever doubted that, why did it hurt so much thinking about this?

I knew the answer. I knew the answer since my parents had their first fight and only Matt could comfort me. Maybe even before. I just couldn’t accept it and just pushed it away. Matt could never be mine. No matter how much I wanted it, I always caused him trouble and this would be even worse for him if he had feelings for me. I stared at the ceiling and tried to hold back the tears. This couldn’t be true. I couldn’t fall for him. It would ruin everything. I would ruin everything. What if the relationship doesn’t work out? I would never be able to replace him.

It was the first time I felt really lonely in my life. Every time I needed comfort before I called Matt or at least had the option to do it. With this problem, I was alone. Nobody would understand, what I need and tried to bring me and Matt together. I just wanted to maintain a normal safe friendship. Obviously, I couldn’t tell Matt but I needed comfort. I shoved my hand under his shirt and pressed him against me.

“Everything okay?” He lifted his head and looked at me. “Matt, I…” I couldn’t tell him what was going on, but I didn’t have to. He put a hand on my cheek and gently stroked it. It was almost impossible to hold back my feelings now. I remembered the kiss and had to admit that I really liked it… why was this so difficult? I had to do something or I would get crazy. Something that friends could do.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my forehead against his lips. He was irritated at first but then kissed me. It felt even better after I accepted my feelings. I didn’t know what would happen in the future but I somehow knew that we would stay together. No matter in which relation.

Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/vlyqqk/stay_at_my_side_ch_11_mf_friends_cuddling