*This is going to be one of my more radically odd posts I might delete later. Feel free to skip this and go read about me getting spanked if this isn’t your thing. I promise I have plenty of stories that don’t get deep.*
*I’ve really struggled with how to post this because it’s pretty fucking personal and a little odd for GWS. Plus, every time I post about how much I like myself I get a slew of hateful messages from folks who come to this sub to fulfill something they’re not going to get from my account.*
*You know what though? It’s important. You can’t isolate sex from other aspects of physical and mental health, and this is the single most important component for my sex life.*
*It’s my account and I’ll write what I want to, damn it.*
My sex life got better when I decided I loved my body.
Like most folks, I had a lot of bad sex when I was younger. I attribute that to a number of things, but the truth is I take a lot of responsibility for it because I was so insecure. I couldn’t enjoy it because I was constantly worried about how my body looked in the moment and was terrified my partner would be disgusted if he looked too closely. I was far more concerned with holding myself in ways that looked good than whether I was even enjoying it.
One of my first partners was obsessed with my body, but I couldn’t stand being fully naked around him. In fact, I really couldn’t stand him looking at me during sex at all. He wanted me in the shower, he wanted me in front of the mirror, he wanted to play strip poker, etc. I would just shake my head, beg him to turn the lights off, and prayed he wouldn’t ask for a position that made me look bad.
As you probably guessed, I didn’t have a healthy relationship with food. What started as an interest in “health” turned into an obsession. I restricted myself to around 900 calories which was not nearly enough for someone my size. I had to stop surfing because I was restricting so much and I regularly passed out and was afraid I’d be too weak to paddle back in.
It’s hard to have good sex if anything but missionary leaves you exhausted. It’s hard to feel sexy when you’re so worried about appearance you won’t wear shorts in the summer. So much of my time was spent hating myself and focusing on how to take up less space.
*I promise this story is about to get better and much sexier.*
*I’ve thought about lying about this next part because I don’t want it to sound like I’m advocating for this. This was a great experience for me, but it is not for everyone. Please be responsible.*
Things got better when I did a certain activity that put me in a different mindset.
I did the thing you’re not supposed to do and looked in the mirror. My friend needed water so I went into the bathroom and got a glimpse of myself.
It was MIND BLOWING.
I blinked a few times and then started laughing hysterically. It was like I was seeing myself for the first time (in some ways I was). I slammed the door and looked at myself in the full length mirror and laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.
THIS was the body I hated?
My friend finally came to check on me and was relieved to find I was crying tears of joy. I tried to explain this epiphany, but it was difficult to articulate.
“I didn’t know I was pretty,” I snorted.
My friend fell to the ground and laughed. “Viola, you’re beautiful. I tell you all the time.”
“No, no. You don’t get it. I think every single day about how disgusting I am. I HATE the way I look. I’ve spent years starving myself. But do you realize how many people would kill to look like me?”
She stared at me. “You really didn’t know you were pretty?”
“On some level I guess, but I was always terrified if someone looked too closely they’d see too many flaws and find me unattractive. That makes no sense!”
I had a lot of stupid thoughts that day that didn’t mean much, but that one stuck with me. It wasn’t stupid and it changed my life. It changed the way I ate, dressed, and perceived myself. I started being active again because I could do physical activity without leaving me sick and exhausted.
And it changed my sex life.
I remember my boyfriend commenting on how different I was. I was finally able to orgasm with another person and suddenly wanted it all the time and in every way. I wanted it against the wall, the window, on the floor, and I wanted every light on so I could see the pleasure on my boyfriend’s face- pleasure he was getting from MY body. I suddenly let him do anything to me and never, ever had a problem being naked again.
Holy shit it was good.
When I say I’m an 8 who can pretty easily pull a 10, I think that’s why. Being rejected has absolutely no effect on my self esteem which makes me weirdly psychologically invincible.
*Side note: some people also HATE it and I find that hilarious. The fact that I don’t hate myself really throw off insecure folks.*
I can say pretty comfortably that I couldn’t have practiced BDSM without this realization. It’s hard to get turned on when someone demands you get naked and crawl on all fours without a certain level of comfort in your own skin. Rough sex gets hella messy and I certainly could not have done many acts if I had held on to the idea of looking perfect.
The first time I fucked the dude who taught me BDSM I remember him saying, “I love that you’ll get naked when I tell you.” I responded that I liked how I looked naked and then we fucked on the kitchen floor because he found that statement very sexy.
I was once fucking a dude who was like, “You know, one of the hottest things about you is the fact that you’re so comfortable in your own skin. I’ve never met a girl like that.”
I also dated a guy who was borderline emotionally abusive. He messed me up in a lot of ways, but one thing he couldn’t do was make me physically self conscious. He tried a couple of times and I laughed in his face. It drove him CRAZY.
I pull these Jedi-mind tricks in bed with my partners. It’s all part of my master manipulative plan to make them feel good about themselves so we have good sex.
*I SWEAR the hotter someone feels the more they’ll relax and enjoy it. Folks know when they’re not desired and love being told they’re hot*
I dated a girl who really struggled with how she looked. I once took an hour to tell her very, very specific things I liked about her body and ensured her that there was not a single thing I would change. It was true too. I LOVED the way she looked, tasted, and felt. Suddenly, she went from never wanting to fuck to wanting it all the time.
This is a common tactic I employ. I give compliments freely and without reservation. Every person I’ve ever dated thinks they’re the hottest person I’ve ever seen.
*This isn’t even a lie. I only fuck people I find very attractive and have no problem saying that. When I’m with someone, I’m really with them.*
I’ve had three different men I dated tell me after we broke up that dating me helped their self esteem. One ex said, “I never had to doubt that you were into me. That was one of my favorite things about you. I felt good about myself.”
This is also common advice I give to folks. My best guy friend is CRAZY into his girlfriend on a physical level. He once confided in me that they stopped having sex. I asked if he had tried just complimenting her more and telling her specific things he finds sexy about her body. He jerks off to her and I told him he should tell her that.
It worked.
I know this was more of a rant than a story. I don’t care. I can and have given y’all a play-by-play of how I fuck. However, if you want to know my real secret, this is it.
I’ve had sweet sex, rough sex, fun sex, and silly sex. The only pattern I’ve found to whether it’s actually “good” is if my partner makes me feel good about myself first.
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/vcwc6x/my_secret_to_a_better_sex_life_not_enough_folks
Taking ownership definitely brings confidence, swagger, and a certain amount of attraction – you definitely can feel the exuberance of the latter reading through recounts of your exploits :)
hey, thank you for posting this. i think this is something i’ve been slacking on, and i didn’t realize it could make such a difference. i’ll do better now thanks to you!
Love this! You’re 1000000% right, confidence always leads to better sex!
I relate to so many of your posts so hard….
I’m still trying to figure how how to love my body lol. Former chonker girl with a bad relationship with rice and the “clean your plate attitude” from my Asian tiger Mom.
People tell me I’m… Fit and pretty but I honestly have a hard time believing them. Even when it comes from someone I trust and love.
Oh and I grew up in the era of “negging”. So when I got pretty fit playing soccer dudes would “neg” and then give me a backward compliment to get in my pants. Pretty fucked up. Didn’t work due to whole…being queer thing
I’ve loved and appreciated all of your stories but this is the first one that actually made me stop and comment. Everything you wrote rings so true, and I truly can’t decide if it’s fantastic or tragic that you had to have a “mind altering” experience to finally come to that realization. I hope more men and women can find that inner confidence, and I hope this post helps them get there. Thanks for everything you write about Viola.
hell, just reading this upped my confidence. You’re really cool dude
Firstly, thank you very much for this, it’s quite enlightening. It’s amazing how one’s psycy can manifest physiologically in general, and in intimacy, which is a trap I might personally have fallen into, having read this. Thanks again.
Secondly, I guess it’s easy to say ‘fuck the haters’, but even someone with a thick skin eventually gets worn down by undue criticism. Why they even bother to read your stories, to know enough that they find them not to their liking? Do they have nothing better to do than send hateful vitriol to random women online?
Thirdly, I love these kinds of posts which shows some of the person behind the pen, so to speak. You’re cool.
Confidence is freedom. I know for myself, that self-assured confidence has always been the sort of thing that makes a woman glow amidst a crowd of other people; she steals your attention without trying.
I *hate* the prevalent culture of expecting people to be uncomfortably humble, to the point of actually fostering insecurities. It’s why this account exists, really; I comment on people’s NSFW content because I want them to find that sort of confidence in themselves, because the world is always better for it. I can’t imagine the “jackpot” feeling that one boyfriend got, when things suddenly clicked for you.
I hope that, coming from *you* and with the weight of your stories behind it, some women read this and it helps things “click” for them as well. Everyone deserves to enjoy that confidence (and speaking selfishly, the more sexually confident women in the world, the better).
I don’t know how you handle all the messages you must get on reddit. I have gotten a few and I don’t even post anything! I would bet good money that for every hateful message you get, you’ve helped at least 10 people.
Maybe you should even cross-post this on r/sex. I think a lot of people who need this advice lurk there.
As the old saying goes “you have to love yourself before you can love anybody else”. Great read and well articulated.👍🏻
Wow I relate to this so much. I also had the mirror epiphany moment at one point and it’s such a strange and liberating feeling. Unfortunately I am kind of back at feeling insecure again but I’ve accepted that it’s a constant journey and I’m working on it. This post definitely helped me so thanks for sharing. :)
SO spot-ON!!! I’ve said for years that a person who is comfortable in their own skin is usually the sexiest person in the room, no matter their body type. I’ve seen women who don’t fit society’s norm of ‘sexy’ who are getting more sex than women who do for exactly this reason. I actually think Reddit has been a positive development for a lot of women bc they get so much positive feedback about their posts. Of course they also get the haters but that’s what good mods are for. Thank you for posting this!
I’ll keep this simple. My partner went from loving their body and having an amazing sex/mental/physical life, to gaining weight due to medical condition. They are not grossly overweight but in the image they were brought up nothing except perfection is good enough. Suffice is to say their life has done a 180 and it has affected our sex life. From role playing, to 3-5 times a week, 2 times a day, even visited sex clubs to experiment. Nothing was taboo. Now everything is wrong.
My plead to you: don’t delete this. I’d love to show it to my partner at some point in the future.
Thanks for sharing.
hi all of your stories are incredible and this was so amazing, your outlook is so refreshing to hear and im so happy your shared it!
my weight seriously fluctuated over the course of my 20’s and feeling comfortable in my body has been a struggle but IM A BAD BITCH and need to just keep doing it
Staring in the mirror after eating mushrooms can be an Incredibly rewarding and calming thing. Acceptance of your natural beauty, and flaws is extremely powerful.
Thank you for writing this life advice.
This is, even if I already knew it, just eye opening at he same time!
Sage advice! After more than 50 years on this earth, I absolutely agree.
If anyone reading this is doubting her advice–don’t!
I personally have a lot of difficulty loving myself but making other people feel confident is so personally satisfying, so I try to redirect myself through that. Being in the presence of that kind of confidence is consuming and addictive. It’s a feeling so strong you can smell and taste it in the air. It gets you hot behind the ears. Confident women of all kinds are universally impossibly attractive.
I really appreciate a post like this. Thank you, and I hope you decide to keep it up
Oh padawan, eight you look, ten you feel. Fifty you make me feel.
Completely unrelated, but I think I should talk more. Maybe it’s cuz I didn’t grow up too for away from other kids I could easily hang out with, but I never developed any casual social skills that make conversing with people easier.
Like, I know I’m at least average looking. Somewhere along the way of puberty I convinced myself the chance of rejection or even just a bad conversation is such a horrible possibility that I shouldn’t even try. I placed romance and sexual stuff in a box and haven’t touched it always with the idea that it’s for other people but not me. Which makes no sense to me because I have many ambitions in life, but I would give them all up if I could find the love of my life.
The one and only time I’ve even showed I’m attracted to someone is on my birthday when I asked one of my flatmates if they wanted to go to a club. I was drunk and then all of a sudden I was kissing a girl who’s face I can’t even remember. Then it was over and I found my friends and went home. Part of me was happy, but only that I had somehow proven to myself I wasn’t faulty? I mean she was still dancing when I left so at least I didn’t ruin her night haha. I’m confident in private but deathly antisocial and insecure in public. Alcohol does make me alot more sociable; I used to joke about that and laugh, but I’m finding that I don’t like that about me now I mull it over.
What I’m getting at is maybe I need a new way of dealing with life? Like maybe if I give more than I’ll eventually cultivate a good push and pull of interactions with people.
Also feels kinda weird but cool that I’m having such introspective thoughts on a reddit page for erotica lol. OP you make a good mix of sexy stuff and life discussions. Sorry for the off topic rant :)
Best post ever
> When I say I’m an 8 who can pretty easily pull a 10, I think that’s why.
Well I’m a 0 looking for a 1, so together we can be a 10….or is 01?!?!?!?!
Ok ok I’ll bite why not.
*inhales*
You know how you’ve asked me a few times HOW I come up with my silly comments? And I’ve said every single time that I “try really hard.” Which is true, as simple as it may seem, that’s just it. Now as to WHY? Well it’s also kinda simple too. I compulsively use humour as a way to cope with my non existent self esteem and virtually zero confidence.
Not sure if you’ve noticed, but in pretty much every single one of your post I’m there, I promise there’s an “understandable” reason for that. Around the same time I decided to work on myself and my issues, I found you and your smut. Now can I relate to them? Nope! Do I see myself in your stories? Also nope! Are they things that I want to do in the future? Mostly nope, I’m just way too emotional for some of the stuff you do (girl you go *hard*). BUT what I saw in them was *possibility*.
Now am I where I want to be in life? Nope, very far from it actually, but I am in a better place now than where I was last year. In a way you helped me with that, reading your stories helped me realize how vast the world is, that there’s so many thing to do, so many people to meet. After years of being a shut in, vicariously I saw a glimpse of the world through you. For the first time in years I am finally able to be honest with myself of wanting to get more out of life, work on my issues and not just roll around the living room like a carrot. All of it is partly because of the *possiblity* that you and your stories have shown me.
This is getting long and sappy and pretty disjointed so….
THANK YOU! I hope one day you realize how much positive influence you have in some of your readers lives! Stay awesome and stay *you* cheers Ms. V
*and exhale*
TL;DR – YOU ARE AWESOME AND THANK YOU!!!!!
Totally agree. Confidence is defintely the sexiest quality. Not arrogance, that’s 🤮. But confidence is such a turn on. And I know for myself, I am better at sex now that I truly love my body. I *feel* sexy, therefore I *am* sexy.
I also agree that insecure people really hate it when we don’t hate ourselves. Oh well, they can hate. Keep slaying. 🤘
I’m gonna give you a follow so I can read your other stuff later.
🥰🥰🥰
top tier content…hope ya don’t delete
Guess I gotta go do shrooms now
Just can’t believed that there are stiil people out there who are gorgeous and beautiful but didnt realized it just because they failed to admire much less even look at themselves long enough in a tall mirror and be appreciative on God given gifts they owned and belonged to.
I love this post. I’ve experienced what you’re saying from the other side – my partners feeling like they need to apologise for changes in their body – “I’ve put on a bit of weight since I walked the length of the country” or “I’m not shaved, sorry” or “I’m shaved now, I do it for my fwb”. I don’t care, I’m with you because I think you’re sexy or because we have a connection. I’m with you because of who you are, not because of where you measure yourself against some unrealistic societal expectation.
Would hate for you to delete this post – it’s exactly the sort of thing that the world needs to hear.
So the tip to stop feeling bad about ourselves is “just stop” ? Wow thanks
This may be a bit different than your normal posts but it’s wonderful and I’m glad you were able to make that journey.
Personally, I only felt good about my appearance for a few months around eight years ago and I don’t think it’ll happen again, but it’s great to hear that you were able to make that journey!
Did I miss the part in the story where before you looked in the mirror you took mushrooms?