Sometimes I have baller moments [FM]

There is no reason to write this story other than the fact that it was one of the few moments in my life I was actually cool.

*I promise I am pretty awkward in real life.*

I had a crush on a dude I went to law school with, but he had a girlfriend so I didn’t think about it much. We’d very casually flirt but we’re both careful not to cross any lines and never said anything I appropriate.

One night we were out and I met his girlfriend and she was FUCKING HORRIBLE. She straight up slut shamed me in a group of people.

I was like, “Hi, I’m V.”

She looks me up and down, glares at me, and then says, “I know who you are.”

*Bitch, what? She had no reason to dislike me.*

NGL, I am an adult who didn’t exactly have a desire to unpack whatever insecurity she was harboring so I steered clear of her for most of the evening.

At one point we unfortunately all landed at the same table and she stares at me with undeniable hatred. I’m almost impressed by her commitment to this glare.

One of my friends made a drunken joke how all male lawyers have small dicks. “That’s why they BECOME lawyers,” she says. “They have to compensate.”

I started laughing. “Trust me, I’ve had a fair sample size and have not found that to be the case.”

My friend’s fucking girlfriend looks me in the eye and says, “No one here doubts your large sample size, Viola.”

*Seriously, what the actual fuck?*

I stare at her boyfriend who looks horrified. They go into the parking lot and have this huge fight. I watch from inside the bar, slightly intrigued that I caused this with like 3 sentences.

She storms off and he’s left there looking so fucking bummed. He doesn’t even come back in. He just sits on the stairs and looks like he’s about to cry as he smokes a cigarette in pathetic resignation.

I walk out and sit next to him and shoot him a very questioning look. “Do you have anything to tell me?” I ask.

“What do you mean?”

“Why the fuck does your girlfriend hate me?”

“I’m fairly certain she’s not my girlfriend anymore. She just broke up with me.”

“…Ok. Why does your ex girlfriend hate me?”

“She’s insecure.”

“There’s insecurity and then there’s… Whatever the fuck that was.”

“Alright. I fucked up once. Do you remember when we had that project 1L year?”

“Yes.”

“I went home and accidentally went off about how you’re really cool. Then my roommate said ‘Oh yeah, V is hot.’ I made the mistake of agreeing. She’s been really weird about you ever since.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes.”

“You didn’t disagree that I’m hot so she hates me?”

“Yes, I’m sorry. She shouldn’t have treated you that way.”

“So you think I’m hot?”

He stared at me. “Please don’t fuck with me V. My girlfriend of a year and a half just broke up with me.”

“Sorry. She’ll be back though.”

He shook his head. “Nah, we’ve been falling apart for a while. We fight like every night. It’s probably time.”

He tried to kiss me then but I pulled away. “You have to figure your shit out, dude. You can’t kiss someone five minutes after getting dumped.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I was just curious. I’ve wanted to kiss you a long time.”

*This is one of the more baller moments of my life.*

“I’ve wanted to fuck you for a long time.” I took the cigarette out of his mouth, took a drag, and stood up to leave. “And just so you know, when I fuck you it’s going to be really good.”

His mouth hung open and he stared at me like I had just slapped him.

“I’m taking this,” I motioned to the cigarette and then turned and walked away.

We started dating shortly after.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/va0ie9/sometimes_i_have_baller_moments_fm