This is my throw away account because we share a reddit page. I’ll spare all the details involving why I know he has such a problem with porn because we would be here for hours trying to read it all. But long story short my husband’s porn addiction has ruined our sex life, but he has no knowledge of that. He doesn’t know thats why ive change and become distant. I have tried everything to let go of the past. He promises change but never does, he always falls back into the same temptations. Now, I’m no prude and I know everyone watches porn, myself included. But his need to watch it far outweighs anybody else’s need for it. And let me be clear, he is never deprived of sex. I give it to him anytime, anywhere and at the best of my abilities (within reason). But he still watches porn every single day.
I would be ok with the occasional porn watching, especially in Instances where I am not available to give it to him. Like shark week, when we fight, or just the occasional fap but he’s always watching it. When he’s at work, when he is showering, any time he’s alone, and definitely when I’m asleep. But my biggest problem is he pays for it. He has multiple subscriptions for it Pornhub, brazzer, porn comics, Biphoria, and maybe more. Now the last two may not be reoccurring subscriptions and more so just a one time thing because I just found them, but we shall see next month but if not that’s a whopping $95 dollars a month in porn. And if the other two are just a one time thing than that’s still $50 a month.
We now, as a couple watch it together. Before I would bring it up but he would say watching porn is weird and he doesn’t need it because he has me. So finding out he watches this much porn I tried to incorporate it into our sex life. I’ve made a reddit account were I post our sex stories and photos, I’ve mad an account on that site I can’t mention here, I take sexy videos of myself for him but it’s still not enough.
He has an addictive personality and I have anxiety and OCD. The two don’t mix. I just don’t trust when he tells me he’s going to cut back. I obsessively need to know the truth because he doesn’t tell me. I find out on my own and then I sit with the knowledge alone because I don’t know how to confront him because I’m still snopping through his phone. I want to be able to leave it be but he constantly hide the porn we are supposed to both be able to watch he clears his history and is super wierd when I have his phone. I do it on purpose to read his boday language. If I actually grab it when he’s showing me something instead of just look he hurriedly takes it back.
It’s to the point when we have sex it’s just that, sex. Almost like there’s a wall between us. I do it for the practicality of getting off now and not the Intimacy of it. I will be horny all day and want it non-stop but if we go to start getting busy I’m turned off. Sometimes I get in my head and can’t cum and he gets frustrated with me. Sometimes he can’t stay hard. He says it’s from his hair enhancing pills and I want to beilve him but it’s hard. We can be in the store and I see a pretty girl and glance to see if he’s checking her out. I’m obsessed with him not being into me anymore. But he also doesn’t show me he is in the ways ive asked. I cant compete with porn. I don’t know how to approach this anymore I’m tired of being hurt, lied too, made out to be the over dramatic one. I want to approach this in the most sensitive way because I do love him and he does have a problem but im tired of the same lies same routine. Guys the question is for you. Is this normal? How often do you look at porn when you are In a healthy Sexually satisfied relationship? Do you hide and clear your search history all the time if your partner has access and knows about it?
I’m just so tired of being sad and uncomfortable. I don’t even show the basic affection the same way as in hand holding cuddling, pillow talk ect. And haven’t for months. I just want the relationship my best friend and me used to have.
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/v1dbdb/f_26_my_husbands_porn_addiction_has_ruined_how_i
Lot’s of guys have porn addictions. Your husbands sounds bad. I’ve watch lots of porn but never paid for it. He needs a long break to rewire his brain. It won’t be easy – like quitting cigarettes. Ask him what you and him would need to do to take a 2 week break from porn. And just agree to what he says. If he says it’s not possible then you’ve got a big problem.
Sounds like you need couples counseling. Some of the things that bother you are reasonable and others are debatable. But this has gotten in your head now so you need him to show he cares and a professional to help you worm it out. At the end of the day the porn is secondary to trust. Focus on what you need to trust him while being compassionate about his issues as well.
I was on hair enhancement drugs and had similar effects. And the effects were extremely noticeable. Can’t speak to his porn addiction, when I was living with my wife and sex was a regular occurrence my porn consumption was minimal.
Very interesting. I’m the opposite. 25 years married and my wife has never once been into se; not even receiving oral. That’s why I switched my focus to porn–it’s my only outlet. I think that if we had a satisfying sex life, I’d quit porn in a second. Perhaps mix things up a bit and see if that has an effect?
First off you two need to have a really honest talk or several. Communication is the key to a good relationship. To me it seems like you guys aren’t honest with each other, but he needs to feel safe sharing some things with you, a young guy thing.
Let him know you won’t judge him and you need to be open to truly listening. Seen this before.
Only after doing this will you be able to work on your other issues. My 2 cents.