I had a friend in college who was not the brightest. She was sweet, but very simple and a tad slutty.
For example one day we were all chilling and I made some joke about how I swallow. She looks at me with complete sincerity and says, “Well, that’s good for health reasons, right?”
I wait for her to elaborate and finally announce I need a judge’s ruling.
“Well, because semen is really good for your health. It makes you skinny and cures hangovers.”
“Really?” I ask.
“Yeah and it helps prevent wrinkles if it’s on your face.”
“Hey honey… Who told you this?”
*We all know who told her though, don’t we?*
She had an asshole boyfriend who was also fucking dumb as dirt. He was a flat earther who didn’t know who the vice president was.
Anyway, I kindly explain I think there might be an element of manipulation here and she does not get it. She stares at me blankly and tries to explain that the reason her skin is so soft and wrinkle free is because her boyfriend is nice enough to smear his cum on it. She is dead serious about this.
Anyway, one time I was at a party and we were playing a drinking game which involved an element of discussing the weirdest thing someone had said during sex. This random girl is like, “I think I win. Last week I was hooking up with a guy who told me that if semen in your ass it can prevent cancer.”
I kindly asked her the name of this gentleman and, lo and behold, it’s flat earther man.
I go to my friend and explain this and she says, “Maybe they both have the same name. Do you really think that can prevent cancer?”
It does not.
Anyway, they did break up shortly after, but not because he OBVIOUSLY cheated. She never believed that. They broke up because he wanted her to get a boob job and said it was a dealbreaker if she wouldn’t.
She’s doing ok. She’s very into her an MLM that sells skincare products so I guess she found another way to prevent wrinkles.
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/v141eh/my_simple_friend_f
I got my car stuck on the local XC course during high school. My best friend had a 4×4 truck and I had a small fwd car, so great things happened. I couldn’t get all the way up one of the hills, so we decided to go ALL THE WAY back down. My car promptly got stuck in the worst mud pit in the area. Our attempts to pull it out resulted in the chain ripping right through the slot on the frame.
My car was very stuck.
The local cops found it a couple of days later and it got towed. They said it took 3 trucks and 700 feet of cable to get it out, so my parents got a bill for $650. Ladies and gentleman, I got grounded. My parents never grounded me because they didn’t believe in it, but such is life lol. Totally deserved it. Amazing story to look back on, but holy shit Batman, you ignorant fuck.
Some guy I sorta knew got his Volvo station wagon stuck the XC course the next week. This was the same dude that got ahold of two pounds of dried ice so we could promptly throw it in someone’s pool. I don’t remember whose pool, because I never hung out with that person again. Stupid friends are the best of times and the worst of times, but everyone gets grounded eventually for their crimes against humanity.
High school never ends?
This reminds me of a dear friend in high school who said with complete sincerity and sympathy that blue balls were excruciating and she would never want to cause a guy that much pain. Even as a virgin, I laughed out loud.
Hah. A best friend of a college girlfriend believed that she could get pregnant if semen got in her belly button. I gently corrected her, though not sure if she believed me. My girlfriend at the time was a pharmacy major so I’d hoped my correction would be vouched for, but…. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
What…in tarnation. I… can’t even…
Well…at least MLM is better than that trash human being latching onto her telling her god knows what. Maybe…? Ugh, I don’t even know.
I hope she’s happy out there…
You know if you set this girl up with the dude from your other story (The uncomplicated man who had other talents [FM]). It would turn out either as the best idea in the the world OR the worst idea in the world. There’s no in between, either them dating pushes humanity to the next phase or starts Armageddon. Hoping for the former!
Bless her and her innocence, hope she finds someone who would take care of her for reals.
Cheers Ms. V!
What’s MLM?