The first part of sex I fell in love with was the thrill. I always wanted people that were out of bounds. I sought out scenarios to match the wildness inside me that I couldn’t control.
One of these scenarios was my best friend’s brother. She was basically my first friend, our moms were in Lamaze together. We had that kind of friendship where you grow up in each other’s houses. We played a lot with two of her brothers, but her oldest brother was already in high school and *cool*.
He usually had a different girl with him, but they were always pretty and girly. They hung off of him arm, needing him. I watched them and felt so different that maybe something was wrong with me. It made me feel insecure, but in some sick way, I liked it. He was a fuckboy before we even had that word for it.
As we got older, he was around their house less and less. I don’t remember that much about him other than the feeling I got when I heard his motorcycle pull into their house. A mixture of excitement and embarrassment. Of both wanting to be seen, but also to disappear. That last part wasn’t hard, I was basically invisible to him.
Until college graduation weekend.
One of their other brothers happened to be getting his masters the same year I was getting my bachelors. We actually hung out a lot that last semester and we were getting drinks to celebrate.
I walked into the bar and I was surprised to see my friend and his older brother. Fuck, he still looked good. I felt that old mix of embarrassment and excitement rise up the surface. I gave my friend a hug and half expected to be ignored by his brother.
Except, he didn’t ignore me. He looked at me. Maybe for the first time.
In one fell swoop he hugged me and picked me up.
“Well, someone’s all grown up, “ he said into my ear as he puts me down.
A familiar thrill filled my body. It was on. My sexuality was something I didn’t know how to control yet. It was all mixed up with validation and desire and longing.
I recognized the way he was looking at me, from the way he looked at those other girls growing up. I put my hand on his arm, copying what I remembered seeing them do. It felt good.
While my friends had been concerned with finding the perfect frat boy to bring to formals, I had been seducing men I shouldn’t have been. My teacher. My TA. A youth minister. Friends I should not have been fucking. If there was a boundary, I wanted to cross it. It felt like these I had gotten good at it. Confident. But something about him cut me all the way back down. That shyness was still deep inside me, no matter how much sex I tried to throw on top of it.
I took a shot and went to the bathroom. The mirror was tiny and attached to a plumbing stack in the corner. I could only see my face in it. I looked at myself and thought about what was about to happen.
He was like my final boss of my sexual conquests. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. The end of college, the end of my childhood.
Before we left the bar, he put his hand on my lower back and told me to come to a graduation barbecue the next day. He said his mom and family will be there, so I should bring mine too.
We showed up the next day and the party was already bumping. Latin parties are always fun. The music was loud and the food was fucking delicious. I could feel him watching me from across the room though, and soon I couldn’t think of anything else besides him fucking me.
Everyone was in the yard, and I went inside the little house. I knew he would follow me, and he did.
I saw him come through the door behind me. I was full of conviction before, but now that it was in front of me, I felt shy. He closed the distance between us and I didn’t have time to feel anything except his mouth on mine.
He pushed his tongue into my mouth. I was up against the wall and he unbuttoned his pants. His cock was warm and hard against my body. Hands went to my shoulder and pushed me downward.
I opened my mouth and let him put his cock inside it. I slowly closed my lips around it and looked up at him, while he slid himself in and out.
He looked down at me with a look of complete satisfaction. A moment and then, he shoved his cock hard to the back of my throat. A different person took over. Everything felt hard and fast and hungry.
He picked me up and fucked me hard against the wall.
“Fuck, your body is so tight,” he said. He grabbed me all over, like he couldn’t get enough of my body, his knuckles white because of how hard he was slamming into me.
He threw me onto the bed and fucked me so hard that my moans just turned into one long sound.
“Shh” he said while wrapping his hand around my mouth. I could hear our moms talking outside. The bed was against the outside wall and on the other side, the party was going on without anyone knowing what we were doing. It turned me on. I wanted him to fuck me harder.
“You can’t let them hear,” he said.
“You’ve wanted this for a long time, haven’t you?” He asked.
“Mmhmm,” I say, shy to even actually admit it.
“It’s okay, you can say it,” he says.
“A really long time,” is all I can say.
“Did you ever touch yourself thinking of me.”
“All the time,” I say. And then all the desire and thoughts I had just pour out of me, “god, I wanted it so fucking bad. I didn’t even know, but I wanted you to just fuck me like all those other girls. I learned to come thinking about you.”
He groaned and told me that was going to make him come. He pulled my dress up and then I felt his come all over my stomach. I watched the look of total relief on his face and I felt powerful, like I gave him that.
I wanted that feeling again.
He came over later that night. I had to kick my sister and cousin out of my room and onto the living room floor. They both gave me a look, but they knew me.
He immediately he felt out of place in my apartment. He was surrounded by proof that I was way younger than him and maybe he shouldn’t have been here.
We threw ourselves into the sex to avoid this question. He slapped my ass and pulled my hair, really giving it to me.
I still couldn’t believe it was really happening. There was a distance between us, he wasn’t himself and I wasn’t myself anymore. In space between us, an otherness grew. I could feel us each as an object for the other one.
He called me a whore and told me he knew that I wanted his cock. Halfway through he makes me suck his cock.
“You look so good doing that, like you were made for it,” he said with his hand on the back of my head. I could tell he was getting off on just the sight of me with his cock in my mouth.
He told me he needed to fuck me again and pushed me onto my back, kneeling between my legs. My tits bounced back and forth with his thrusts.
His head was back, eyes closed, but I could feel his satisfaction and see the pleasure all over his face. He was getting exactly what he wanted.
The street light came through the window in my room and I just looked at him. He was in the throes of fucking me, but I realized it isn’t really me he was fucking. He didn’t actually want *me.* He wanted how I made him feel. Powerful, in control, necessary.
He pulled out and came on my tits and face, not even asking. On his face, a brief flash of victory. Watching him come, I realized none of this was about me. It was all about him. I was just there to make some college girl fantasy happen. He said he should go, and I didn’t even say anything.
I walked him to the door and he gave me a limp kiss on the cheek. As soon as the door shut behind him, the spell broke. I walked around my sister and cousin passed out on the floor and just thought to myself, *what the FUCK are you doing?* The sex wasn’t even actually good. It was just a cheap thrill for him. It wasn’t so much that he wanted to fuck me as much as he just wanted to know he could. Fuck that.
I laid in my bed and then it really fucking hit me. I had been doing the exact same thing. I had been using men as a way to feel powerful from sex. I didn’t actually want them, I’m not sure I even really wanted sex, I just wanted the feeling it gave me. I wanted the thrill of fucking someone I shouldn’t be fucking.
My final boss fuck boy turned out to actually be myself.
I crushed that shit and never looked back.
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/unitct/the_final_boss_fuckboy_fm