I used to have a problem fucking people I shouldn’t have been fucking. I didn’t realize it at the time, but the first thing I fell in love with was the thrill. I gave my virginity to someone I shouldn’t have, and I think it set me down this path of wanting people that were out of bounds.
One of those people was my best friend’s brother. She was basically my first friend, our moms were in Lamaze together. We had that kind of friendship where you grow up in each other’s houses. We played a lot with two of her brothers, but her oldest brother was already in high school and *cool*.
He came home with so many girls, always pretty and feminine, always grabbing onto his arm. I watched them and felt so different that maybe something was wrong with me. He made me feel insecure, but in some sick way, I liked it. He was a fuckboy before we even had that word for it.
As we got older, he was around their house less and less. I don’t remember that much about him other than the feeling I got when I heard his motorcycle pull into their house. A mixture of excitement and embarrassment. Of both wanting to be seen, but also to disappear. This wasn’t very hard, I was practically invisible to him.
Until college graduation weekend.
One of their other brothers happened to be getting his masters the same year I was getting my bachelors. We actually hung out a lot that last semester and we were getting drinks to celebrate.
I walk into the bar and I’m surprised to see my friend and his older brother. Fuck, he still looks good. I feel that old mix of embarrassment and excitement rise up the surface. I give my friend a hug and wait to be ignored by his brother.
Except, he doesn’t ignore me. I’m not invisible. He’s looking at me. Maybe for the first time.
In one fell swoop he hugs me and picks me up.
“Well, someone’s all grown up, “ he says into my ear as he puts me down.
A familiar thrill fills my body. It’s on. My sexuality is something I don’t know how to control yet. It’s all mixed up with validation and desire and longing.
I recognize the way he’s looking at me, from the way he looked at those other girls growing up. I put my hand on his arm, copying what I remember seeing them do.
While my friends have been concerned with finding the perfect frat boy to bring to formals, I’ve been seducing men I shouldn’t be. My teacher. My TA. A youth minister. Friends I shouldn’t be fucking. If there’s a boundary, I cross it. I’ve gotten good at it. Confident. But something about him cuts me all the way back down. I’m still that shy kid growing up, not feminine or pretty enough.
I take a shot and go to the bathroom. The mirror is tiny and attached to a plumbing stack in the corner. I can only see my face in it. I look at myself and think about how to do this.
This is like my final boss. The timing couldn’t be more perfect. The end of college, end of my childhood.
Before we leave the bar, he puts his hand on my lower back and tells me to come to a graduation barbecue the next day. He says his mom and family will be there, so I should bring mine too.
We show up the next day and the party is fun. Latin parties always are. The music is loud and the food is fucking delicious. I can feel him watching me from across the room though, and soon I can’t think of anything else besides him fucking me.
Everyone is in the yard, and I go inside the little house. I know he’ll follow me, and he does.
I see him come through the door behind me. I was full of conviction before, but now that it’s front of me, I feel shy. He closes the distance between us and I don’t have time to feel anything except his mouth on mine.
He pushes his tongue into my mouth. I’m up against the wall now and he unbuttons his pants. His cock is warm and hard against my body. Hands go to my shoulder and push me downward.
I open my mouth and let him put his cock inside it. I slowly close my lips around it and look up at him, while he slides himself in and out.
He looks down at me and there’s a look of complete satisfaction. A moment and then, he shoves his cock hard to the back of my throat. A different person takes over. Everything feels hard and fast and desperate.
He picks me up and fucks me hard against the wall.
“Fuck, your body is so tight,” he says. He’s grabbing all over me, knuckles white he’s grabbing my hips so hard when he thrusts into me.
He throws me onto the bed and fucks me so hard that my moans just turn into one long sound.
“Shh” he says while wrapping his hand around my mouth. I can hear our moms talking outside. The bed is against the outside wall and on the other side, the party is going on without anyone knowing what we’re doing. It turns me on. I want him to fuck me harder.
“You can’t let them hear,” he says.
“You like getting fucked like a little slut with everyone outside, don’t you?”
*Yes,* I whimper.
He leans into me and tells me how good my pussy feels and that it’s going to make him come. He pulls my dress up and comes all over me, his come feels hot in my skin. I watch the look of total relief on his face and I feel powerful, like I gave him that.
I want that feeling again.
He comes over later that night. I have to kick my sister and cousin out of my room and onto the living room floor. They both give me a look, but they know me.
He immediately he feels out of place in my apartment. He’s older and surrounded by proof that I am way younger and maybe he shouldn’t be here.
We throw ourselves into the sex to avoid this question. He’s slapping my ass and pulling my hair, really giving it to me.
Looking back now, the desperation and the hunger this 35 year old man had for a 21 year old college student makes me cringe. But in the moment, it was really fucking hot.
He calls me a whore and tells me he knew that I wanted his cock. You know, all the things I like to hear. Halfway through he makes me suck his cock.
“You look so good doing that, like you were made for it,” he says with his hand on the back of my head. He coaches me with his hand, clearly getting off on just the sight of me with his cock in my mouth.
He tells me he needs to fuck me again and pushes me onto the bed. I’m on my back and he’s kneeling, making my tits bounce back on forth with his thrusts. His head is back, eyes are closed, but I feel his satisfaction and see the pleasure all over his face. He’s getting exactly what he likes from me.
The street light comes through the window in my room and I just look at him. He’s in the throes of fucking me, but I realize it isn’t really me he’s fucking. He doesn’t actually want me. He wants how I make him feel. Powerful, in control, necessary.
He pulls out and comes on my tits and face, not even asking. On his face, a brief flash of victory. This would be totally hot, except for the realization I just had. None of this was about me. It was all about him. I was just here to make it happen. He sheepishly says he should go, and I don’t even say anything.
I walk him to the door and he gives me a kiss on the cheek. As soon as the door shuts behind him, it’s like a spell breaks. I walk around my sister and cousin passed out on the floor and just think to myself, *what the FUCK are you doing?* The sex wasn’t even actually good. It was just a cheap thrill for him. It wasn’t so much that he wanted to fuck me as much as he just wanted to know he could. Fuck that.
I lie in my bed and then it really fucking hits me. I’ve been doing the exact same thing. I had been using men as a way to feel powerful from sex. I didn’t actually want them, I’m not sure I even really wanted sex, I just wanted the feeling it gave me. I wanted the thrill of fucking someone I shouldn’t be fucking.
My final boss fuck boy turned out to actually be myself.
I crushed that shit and never looked back.
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/umldvu/the_final_boss_fuck_boy_fm