[F] I (F45) had a secret affair for 8 months. It revitalized my sex life with my husband [PART IV: Awakening]

This continues my ongoing saga (see Part I here: https://old.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/u33z2w/f_i_f45_had_a_secret_affair_for_8_months_it/). I’m doing this to explore and remember my own thoughts, feelings, responses and decisions. If you enjoy reading it, I’m thrilled.

At the end of the previous installment, I had just slept with Keith for the first time. Now it was the weekend and we wouldn’t be able to have a repeat performance until Monday. The weekend was painfully slow in ending. I’d never wanted a Monday morning more than I did that weekend.

But then on Monday morning I woke up to find I had my period. Mostly I was relieved, profoundly relieved. I felt I had dodged a bullet and I resolved to be more careful in the future. I couldn’t deny that there would be a future, now. I had spent all weekend fantasizing, even planning, my next get-together with Keith. So there was also a small, petty part of me that was disappointed to have my period now. I don’t mean part of me wanted to get pregnant with Keith (let’s be real here, that would be 100% terrible for everyone). I just mean that having my period now was an impediment to my plans for that evening. What did it mean for our after-work date? I had made all kinds of plans, the main one of which, apart from fucking again, was to have Keith go down on me. Now both of those were out. Even if Keith didn’t mind, I’m not into period sex.

I told him the bad news as soon as he showed up in my classroom after work. He was cool with it. I said, blushing, that of course I could still do something for him. When we got to his house this time, we didn’t stay in the living room. He led me to his bedroom, which was very neat. I guessed he had cleaned up in anticipation of my visit. I don’t remember late-twenties guys being so tidy. He had a futon laid directly on the floor, so I had to crouch down low to work him out of his clothes. I wanted him completely naked this time.

He had a trim, hard twenty-something’s body, a beautiful thing. For a blond guy he had a surprising amount of hair on his chest and stomach. I ran my hands up through it from his belly to his throat, then back down into his thick bush of light brown pubic hair. He was hard already. I stroked his legs, also quite hairy, all the way down to his feet and back up again, taking care to tickle his inner thighs before moving back to his stomach. We had time and I wanted to build up his excitement, and mine.

When I finally stopped teasing him, first by gently caressing his balls, then by taking hold of his shaft and pumping it slow, I felt like I was melting with arousal. I hadn’t been this excited to go down on someone in nearly twenty years. I put it off to enjoy his anticipation as much as mine. I kissed, licked and rubbed him on my chin, cheeks, ears and eyelids. I nuzzled my face into his crotch, feeling its heat and eagerness. It felt very intimate.

Then Keith messed it up again, this time by asking if he was bigger than my husband. I really wished he hadn’t brought Scott up, and I was a bit disappointed that he cared to play this stupid size game. Who gives a shit? This was not about size, it wasn’t even about dicks. This was about fun, excitement, novelty. Not that Keith’s dick didn’t have something to do with it, but for me his dick was only of interest because it was attached to him. He was the one giving me pleasure and excitement. Also, I thought kind of protectively, lay off my husband! This was the second time we fooled around, and the second time Keith had said something in the heat of the moment that could turn me right off.

I would have to do a better job letting him know this style of commentary might work on other girls (but does it, really?), but it doesn’t work on me. For now I didn’t say anything. Instead of answering I finally took him fully into my mouth.

I soon got over the ickiness of Keith’s dumb question. In fact, I couldn’t believe how into this blowjob I was, as he stroked my hair and made lots of noise, completely unembarrassed, while I sucked and stroked him with an enthusiasm that reminded me of being a teenager discovering sex for the first time. It’s an addictive feeling, this sense of novelty. I never thought I’d feel it again.

I knew he was going to cum soon, but when he suddenly sent off his first shot, surprisingly hot, I was shocked, totally taken aback. Last time I let someone cum in my mouth was high school, long before Scott and the not small number of other men I’d been with in college before Scott and I hooked up. My first boyfriend, a selfish dick, had ruined it for me and I had never intended on doing it again. So the most surprising thing about my reaction to this was not only that I didn’t pull away in disgust but also that I found myself writhing with arousal as it was happening. I let him drain himself completely before pulling away, intending to spit it out in my empty mug but then deciding to swallow.

Keith was like a toddler on his birthday after that, as we made out and snuggled in his bed. I honestly don’t get what men get so sentimental about having someone swallow their cum, but it’s obviously a big thing for them. I guess there’s something symbolic about it beyond the physical sensation, which I can’t imagine being that different from cumming in any other way. But I can’t argue with the fact that letting this happen gave Keith some profound, deeply emotional satisfaction. Though the taste it left in my mouth, literally, was not at all to my liking (surely no one truly likes the taste, right?), I was thrilled with myself for having given so much joy.

I hadn’t even left Keith’s place yet when I knew what I had to do. When I got home that night, the taste of Keith still in my mouth, I was incredibly horny. Having been so close to Keith without getting satisfaction myself had left me in a state of heightened arousal, and the power I felt I had gained by getting Keith off as I had made me feel newly adventurous.

God, the evening felt endless! But once the kids were finally asleep I found myself, to Scott’s surprise as well as my own, blowing him again. Twice in less than a week, not only fooling around but doing so at my own prompting. Scott had been reading, absent-mindedly touching my leg as he does, when I reached over and started touching him. When he was hard, I bent over to suck it while Scott laughed quietly, obviously amazed at the turn of events. When he told me he was almost done I didn’t stop.

Scott was bowled over and so thankful. I was proud of myself. And I realized that maybe this thing with Keith was really about me and Scott, not as a way to get away from Scott who I love, but to reawaken my ability to desire and act on my desire. That blowjob, as it turned out, was just the first expansion of Scott and my sex life that I could credit to my experiences with Keith. In fact, I really don’t think Keith and I would have stayed together for as long as we did if he hadn’t served this purpose, of which he knew nothing. In a weird way, the one I was betraying was really Keith because (I told myself) this was all about me and Scott. That was all the justification I needed to keep it going.

[It might be a few days before I can post the next part. Hang in there. If you want to be in touch, great. But I only communicate with people who put in some basic effort. Give me a reason to respond, don’t just present me with a fact (“I also had an affair”) and don’t say gross shit like “I bet you like being groped by strangers” (someone actually wrote that to me. WTF.) Oh, and please don’t insult or make fun of my husband.]

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/u74ogl/f_i_f45_had_a_secret_affair_for_8_months_it