Oh yes, my favorite waitress who confused the hell out of me.
For months when I was young I’d stop by this cafe after work to wrap up for the day. I could only be in the office for so long and would finish up research while I ate dinner at my favorite spot.
I always had the same waitress who was adorable. She would always slip me an extra cup of coffee when I was billing and then bring me a glass of wine at the end of my day. We never talked much but she was a precious soul I started looking forward to seeing.
I’m going to be honest, I thought maybe she was nice to me because she tipped well.
One day she grabs my check, turns to leave, and then looks back at me. “Do you smoke?”
“Like cigarettes?” I ask.
“No…”
“Then yes.”
She looks horrified but asks if I want to smoke with her in the back of the restaurant. I accept.
*To pause, I learned a long time ago not to assume ANYTHING about someone’s identity. I generally wait for women to hit on me.*
When we get to the back of the restaurant this girl lights up and announces she doesn’t have much left. “Can we shotgun?” She asks.
“Um… sure?”
She puts her mouth to mine and blows smoke into me. I smile as I let it out and then we repeat the process.
“Do you want to hang out sometime?” She asks. “Like… not where I work?”
*Oh cool, she’s interested in me.*
We plan to meet up the Friday. The problem is I show up and there’s a group of folks around her.
*So this isn’t a date?*
I mean, she’s lovely and all. Her friends are cool and I have a nice time, but she seems into this other dude and I decide it’s time for me to go home after a couple of drinks.
I bid them all goodbye and start heading toward the door.
“Wait!” She calls. “You’re leaving?”
“Yeah, I’m a little tired. It’s been a long week.”
“You wouldn’t want to keep hanging out, would you? I’d invite you to my place, but it’s a mess. We could go to a different bar or…”
“-My place,” I interrupt. I live around the corner.
*She is definitely interested in me.*
“Great!” She then proceeds to grab two of her friends to join us.
*She is not interested in me.*
We get back to my place and it’s fine. Her female friend is sweet but the dude I suspect she’s interested in is a little weird and slightly sexist.
I smile and shrug him off, but eventually decide this isn’t for me. So… I do what any queer girl does when the potentially straight girl she likes is canoodling with a dude, I pour myself a drink and offer to make everyone cocktails.
She comes to the kitchen to “help me.”
“It’s so nice of you to have us over like this,” she smiles.
“No problem,” I answer politely.
“I still haven’t gotten the full tour, where’s your bedroom?”
*Is she interested in me?*
“Um yeah, it’s right this way.”
I show her my bedroom and wait for her to make the first move. She does sit on my bed but isn’t exactly being flirtatious.
“So you and that guy?”
“Oh! He’s such an asshole,” she laughs. “Not really my type or taste.”
*She’s interested in me.*
“What’s your type?”
“Really masculine…”
*She’s not interested in me.*
“…With men, anyway…”
*She’s interested in me.*
“…Although I guess I don’t know if I really have a type or taste because I’m bad at dating and I don’t know what I’m doing.”
*WTF is happening?*
I nod politely and try to think about how to respond. “So like… you still want cocktails or what?”
She tells me she’d rather smoke and shotguns into my mouth again.
*Yes! She’s interested in me!*
“We should go back out to my date,” she says.
*She is definitely not interested in me.*
I’m tired of whiplash at this point so I literally change into sweatpants before settling back in to my living room with the three of them. It’s still fun because they’re a good crew, but I am definitely not getting laid and it starts getting late.
I do bring up the fact that I’m bisexual at one point which her date finds hilarious.
*I love it when my sexual identity is funny to folks.*
“So men still date you, knowing you’ve licked a pussy?” He asks me.
*So this is fun.*
They finally head out and I collapse on my couch and judge my life decisions. Suddenly I hear a small knock on the door.
When I open it she’s standing there. “I forgot something,” she says.
*Is this bitch interested in me? Surely not.*
I motion for her to enter and on her way in she throws herself at me. She only kisses me once but wraps her arms around my neck and rears her head back to look at me.
“I’m confused,” I finally say.
“I’m… not gay.”
“Wow.”
“That guy is my boyfriend.”
“Ok…”
“But I was just… I’m really drawn to you.”
*What do I say to this girl?*
“What’s happening right now?” I ask.
“Do you like me? Is that one-sided?”
“Probably not if you hadn’t of brought your boyfriend to my house.”
We stare at each other for a bit and then I give in. I kiss her back and push her against my wall, finally closing the door. I put my hand on her hip and then slowly circle the bottom of her shirt. I finally move one hand to grab her ass and the other to her breasts. She just keeps playing with my hair and starts moaning when my hands start moving back and forth.
“Want to go to my room?” I ask.
“No, my boyfriend is downstairs.”
*WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?*
“So he thinks you’re…”
“Looking for my phone. Can I call you though?”
“No… Well maybe. Why exactly would you be calling me?”
“To hang out.”
“I’m going to need you to be more specific.”
“Like… a date?”
“Will your boyfriend be there?”
She looks nervous. “Sorry about that. He just joined without asking.”
“It seems like you have a lot going on. Want to call me when you have some things figured out?”
She throws herself at me again and this time we fall to the floor. She climbs in top of me and straddles me. We make out for a while and then she rears her head back.
“Are you ok?” I ask.
“Yes! I’ve never done this.”
*Oh good god. I don’t care if someone is inexperienced but I have a small problem with a woman experimenting with me while her boyfriend is in my lobby.*
“I think you should leave.”
“Can I finger you really quick? I just have to know.”
“Know what?”
“If I’m into it.”
“I don’t know how I feel about you experimenting with my vagina.”
“Please.”
I huff and tug and my shorts until they’re at my knees. I then let her pull my underwear down. When I spread my legs I let her put a finger in me and moan slightly at the sensation. She goes in and out and puts another in. At this point, the physical sensation is taking over and I let my head fall back as she plays.
“Stop,” I finally say.
“Why?” She looks horrified.
I grab her hands and sit up to meet her. “Because I’m going to fuck you if you keep going and your boyfriend is in the lobby.”
She looks at me wide-eyed and terrified. “I think I’m attracted to you.”
“Take some time to figure it out and call me.”
Tbh, by the time she did I was with someone, but she’s married to a woman now.
Being queer is fun.
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/u5woze/the_story_every_queer_girl_has_ff
Lol what a roller-coaster. So I take it you two never ended up “hanging out” again?
Hey, at least she figured out who she is!
And that’s kinda cute that she called you, eventually. And that you’re still in touch (maybe?).
Different contexts for sure, but a lot of guys can empathize with the roller coaster
Hahah love this post! The “does she like me and is she even gay?” stories are truly a universal queer girl experience but sometimes they can be painful AF lmaoo so I’m glad yours was more funny than anything else. :)
And bonus plot points for her actually ending up being married to a woman! We love to see it.
That was so well done. Really puts us in your shoes and certainly made me think while enjoying a good story.
Can confirm. *sigh*
> I generally wait for women to hit on me.
Same, well it never happens but still lmao.
Given how confusing this adventure was, it was probably the ideal time to apply Newton’s 4th Law (of motion?): “Can’t get rejected by a woman of you avoid them your whole life.”
You are the doing the world a service, so here take your 👑 Queer I mean Queen, or both why not! Cheers Ms. V!
Oh my god, I can relate to this situation so hard. I would probably find this more funny if I didn’t have something similar happen to me recently lol. Man what a roller coaster ride :<
I had my own anxiety attack reading through this. She must have been really attractive, otherwise surely you would have told these yahoos to hit the road. What a fucking mess.
Seriously. God bless you. That was awful.
This is really good and *very* relatable.
Fucking hell 😵💫😵💫😵💫 I’m glad she figured it out cause holy shit.
Also yeah currently dealing with this but on like triple the scale because I’m trans and polyamorous and that just opens up a whole can of “what even the fuck is happening anymore”
I fucking love and hate this story. Props to you OP, your boundaries are admirable. Queer people aren’t out her to be experimented on. Also….that girls bf 🤢 omg…
Goddamn. Queer who had been on both sides. Sexulaity can Be confusing as fuck.
This waitress .. I hope she was in her early twenties. Cause just like the awkwardness of first her asking you to her place/ another bar. You just say your place, and then she “invites” two people with her lol.
This is vaguely reminding me of a friend who was trying to get laid, but I had to come with?? I was like “why am I here?” lol and I wasn’t a boyfriend, but I was waiting in the lobby
Been there.
This is INCREDIBLE.
What a selfish self centered asshole
a super sexual tension! her being married to a woman currently is a great ending.
>I’m tired of whiplash at this point
It almost felt like a game of tennis there: look left, look right, look left, look right, … !
>she’s married to a woman now.
Yay 👏
I read the whole thing without realising who OP was. Kinda stylistically different from some of your other stories I’ve read
Love this letter your right though, women in general are confusing 😕 🥰
I really enjoy your writing. I was more interested in the plot than the sexy stuff
This just gave the feeling of “yes, no, maybe, I don’t know. Can you please.. be more direct.