Travis had his face buried deep in my pussy, licking my clit like he was trying to clean a decade of pent up sexual frustration using only his tongue. And to his credit, he was trying his best.
But I was not into it.
To try and encourage him, I moaned his name, said some “oh gods” and “oh fucks” but each time he changed his technique, throwing off the rhythm and setting back his progress by several minutes.
Eventually, I just wanted it to be over. With one almighty moan, I clenched over and over, making it look like I had the best orgasm of my life. He was satisfied, and I didn’t have his scratchy beard chaffing my thighs.
I feigned exhaustion when he asked if I wanted to go again. Powering through kiss after he had just been tongue deep in my lady parts, I laid in our bed, waiting for him to fall asleep. It was late, so he didn’t take long.
I loved him, of course. We had been together for years, ever since highschool. He was my best friend. But, I don’t know, I just didn’t want to be with him anymore. It would devastate him if I told him, and I could never hurt him like that. Maybe I’m a coward for not saying anything. It’s just hard, looking into his sweet blue eyes amd ripping away the longest relationship he’s ever known.
With Travis fast asleep, I slip out of bed as quietly as I can. I creep into the bathroom, flicking the light on and shutting the door as gently as I can.
Turning the shower to hot, I get the water going.
I stare at the woman in the mirror, the same woman who has stayed with this man for 6 years. 6 excellent, amazing, fun years. But in that time, everytime he wanted to have fun or get frisky, I just powered through, soldiering through dissatisfying sex. It wasn’t that he couldn’t make me cum, he has, once or twice. The issue is, I just, I don’t like how it makes me feel. Like I’m being invaded. It’s not like it’s just him either. I’d been with a few other guys before him, and they all were just okay. There’s no way I met only the most mediocre men in bed, so maybe I just don’t like having sex with men?
I step into the hit shower, trying to wash away the guilt building inside me. The stubborn plaque built up like a carapace around me. Taking the removable shower head, I test the water. A bit too hot. Turning it down just right, I bring it between my legs, spraying my neglected womanhood in warm water. It doesn’t take long before the guilt and yearning and neglect bring me over the edge. I’m rewarded with a hollow orgasm that doesn’t bring me the euphoria of cumming, just the clarity of my situation.
Maybe… maybe I like women? I never really thought about it before, but maybe I’ve never enjoyed men, because I like girls. Sure there are some hot women from highschool I was friends with and more than once I’d catch myself staring at a women’s chest, but did I want to be with them?
My stomach flutters a bit at the thought. Was it excitement or more guilt?
Hot steaming water washes over my naked body, doing its best to soothe my aching spirit. I hold my face directly into the stream, getting a blast of hot water shooting up my nose. A fit of sputtering coughs later, I try again, this time carefully.
I’d been with Travis for these 6 years faithfully, was I doing it for him? Or was I just scared to admit that I was wrong and actually like girls?
Panic welled up inside me. No, it can’t be that, that’d be… wrong…
I step out of the shower, droplets cascading around me. Wrapping a towel around me and my hair, I return to the bedroom. What if I….
Grabbing my phone, I shoot a text to my friend Gabi. *Don’t respond, don’t respond, don’t respond…* I whisper to myself.
*Ding* a message pops up. <<whats up?>>
<<nothing was wondering if I could come over>>
<<at 11? I mean I guess>>
<<cool I’ll be there in a bit>>
My heart pounded like jackhammer tearing up pavement. *Was I really going to do this?*
Before I could stop myself, I pulled on a tshirt, shorts, and my shoes. Keys in hand, I head out.
Gabi doesn’t live far from me, maybe 10 minutes. Time moves torturously slow, making me recognize what I was planning. *Don’t, just tell her you actually need the sleep. Tell her it was nothing. Tell her-*
I was out front of her house. *Turn back. Leave. Return to Travis*
Each step was a small sinful regret, stabbing me with the pain of a million needles.
The front door. I knock. *what was I gonna say? ‘Sorry I just wanted to catch up?’ ‘Oh hey girlfriend, watchu been up to?’*
The door swings open, revealing Gabi in a cute teddy bear onesie. God she so adorable.
Before I realize what I was doing, I lunged at her, pressing my lips to hers. Guilt flooded my system as I locked her face to mine. But quickly, it was replaced by another feeling: a warm giddiness at what I had just done. I was really kissing another girl
She didn’t struggle, she just went rigid. The kiss was over in an instant, and an avalanche of apologies and pleading spilled from my mouth.
Though dazed, she eventually stopped my self crucifying rambling to invite me inside.
I sat on the couch sheepishly, tugging at the hem of my tshirt.
“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what-”
“Hey, it’s okay,” she said. “Are you okay? Did Travis do something to you? Did he hurt you?”
“No, no, it’s okay. I’m okay. I think. I- I don’t know.” Tears well up in my eyes, streaming down my burning cheeks. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me!” I cry. I start blubbering.
Gabi took my hand. That warm giddiness rose up again, coursing through my confused mind and incoherent babbling.
“Susie, do you like girls?” The pointedness of the question drove out all the rambling thoughts and torrent of self loathing swirling through me. *Do I like girls?*
I nodded. “Y-yeah.”
Gabi nodded in turn, trying to encourage me with her cute smile. “That’s okay. It’s okay if you like girls.”
Tears stung my eyes once again. “But what about Travis?”
“I take it he doesn’t know?”
I shake my head. “I just found out today, I think.”
———
Part two cumming soon
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/tq4ltb/loveless_mf_ff_emotional_cheating
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