Trigger warning of self harm and cnc.
They had met through mutual friends. They were at the same party and he had walked in on her in the bathroom. This was the beginning of a very intense yet loving relationship and dynamic.
She was sitting on the edge of the bathtub with her head down and focused. She had forgot to lock the door and so he was able to walk right in. He startled her so much she jumped up, and started shoving a bunch of stuff into her bag. He assumed she was using and did not want to get involved. But then he noticed her eyes were red and she was crying. He grabbed her arm and said, “Hey, are you ok?” She immediately ripped her arm from his grasp and started to ball up toilet paper to hold to her arm. He looked down and his hand was covered in blood. Startled, he said, “What the fuck”, under his breath and looked at her. She said, “I’m sorry”, and tried to push past him to leave the bathroom. He grabbed her other arm and wouldn’t let her leave.
“Hey, tell me what’s going on?” Eventually she showed him her arm, and the methodical cuts that were all the same size and the same space apart. He took her arm and held it under the water and washed it with soap and then took a clean towel from the cabinet and held it firmly to stop the bleeding. She just stared at him while he did all of this. No one had ever seen her cuts and not freaked out before, let alone cared. After a couple of minutes of silence, he said, “Now give me the blade you were using”. Her eyes immediately shot up to meet his. He repeated himself once more. “You’re not going to cut yourself anymore tonight. Give me the blade.” Tears started flowing down her face. She didn’t know why, or how, but she reached in and pulled out the smaller bag that had her blades in it and handed it to him. He put it in his pocket. This was the beginning of a very unusual but very beautiful relationship.
Their routine had become quite odd, but served them both beautifully.
They spent almost everyday together and he had grown to recognize her quirks and triggers and mannerisms quite well. She had been acting a bit off for a couple of days, so when it happened, it wasn’t necessarily a surprise to him. This was something they dealt with regularly and he was very familiar with it. She hadn’t let him touch her since lunch yesterday and was acting very cold and distant. He walked into the room and tried to hug her, she shoved him back with an angry look on her face. She immediately started crying. “Why are you still here, why are you pretending to care, pretending to love me. I hate you. Just leave me alone. I know you don’t love me anymore. It’s fine. Just leave me already. I know you want to.”
He stopped, tried to reason with her, tried to prevent the inevitable from happening. But she just continued to get more and more upset. She went into the bedroom and got out a bag and started shoving her things into it. He stood by calmly and asked what she was doing. “I’m leaving because you don’t love me anymore”. He said, “Why do you think that?” She then rambled off a list of things that she felt meant he was about to leave and didn’t love her anymore.
He grabbed her and tried to hug her, tried to tell her how much he loves and cherishes her, but she just kept fighting him and was clearly not in a good headspace to hear anything he had to say.
He knew the one thing that would make her calm down, the one thing that would bring her back mentally, the one thing that would have her melt into a puddle of mushy, I love yous.
He grabbed her arms and forced her to her knees on the floor. Her back to him, he began to yank down her pants. First the left side, then the right side. She was fighting and squirming under him. But he leaned all of his body weight on her and kept her pinned down. Eventually after several attempts her pants were down around her knees. Her bare ass exposed. He pressed his bulge up against her and moaned in her ear. She continued to fight him, continued to scream obscenities at him. He grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked her back towards him. “You’re mine, and I’m gonna use that little cunt of yours. You’re going to be a good little fucktoy for me. You’ve ignored me for almost two days now and I’m going to use your tight little cunt to empty my balls. Are you gonna be a good little cocksleeve for me?”
Her angry attempts at escaping his grasp had turned into hateful grunts and almost growls. But hearing these words, she slowly stopped fighting. She slowly stopped screaming hateful names at him. He still had a handful of her hair with one hand and then lovingly caressed her cheek with the other. He leaned down and kissed her softly.
Her eyes wild with rage, mid episode, every emotion under the sun coursing through her body. Tears started streaming down her face.
This was his queue. He grabbed ahold of her hips and pressed his shaft into her. Her eyes glossed over and she began to fight again. He leaned over and put all of his weight on her. “Shhh”…he kept repeating. “Shhh, shhh, shhh.” He became very vocal expressing his pleasure. With every thrust the sounds of their bodies colliding echoing through the room. Her body began to betray her, making the tears pour down her face even more.
“Be a good girl for me, be a good girl for me” he repeated as his body was tensing up. He reached down and started to rub her clit, her body immediately reacting. Between the sounds of his moans and grunts, knowing she was being raped, knowing she was being used for his pleasure, and feeling his body so close to release it didn’t take long. Her whole body began to quiver and shake in his arms. Feeling her squeeze and spasm against his shaft sent him over the edge and he let out a monstrous moan while his cock pulsed inside her. She felt the warmth of his seed coating her insides and she began to whimper.
They both collapsed on the floor, panting and exhausted. She crawled over to him, her pants still around her knees, and wrapped her arms around his leg and began pouring out, “I’m sorrys” and “Please don’t leave me”.
It was a common pattern in their house. Every time she went into a dark headspace and tried to leave he’d rape her back into submission. I know this sounds awful, but she only knew love through pain. Every time there was a lul in the relationship or things were going too good she got scared. She only knew love through abuse. And she was addicted to the adrenaline highs and lows that a lifetime of trauma had caused. The more he raped her, the more he abused her, the more she loved him, the more she submitted to him.
It was their secret and it was consensual. She loved to be raped just as much as he loved to rape her. They both used it as an outlet for their personal demons and they both shared a love deeper than most because of it.
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/tjy1zy/a_dynamic_of_love_and_pain_mf_ds_cnc