Since traveling to Europe for college … I found out that there’s a bunch of racists here that are against immigrants and so on .. I didn’t knew at first but by going more to parties or frat parties it becomes obvious…
My issue was that I was shy and I have a huge thing for white men.. they are so hot .. so after my first time with a guy who kinda just forced it cause I was shy as fuck and he kept doing … he was clearly a racist and clearly was getting his anger out of me … treating me very badly as an inferior in bed and all.
He treated me like trash, but I ended up orgasming real hard and it’s like a victory to him like he just owns me now and he’s right being racist…
I regretted that orgasm and hated myself for it cause I just let a racist win…
But He told others about it and I got that reputation because the others knew he was a racist treating me badly and I orgasmed from it ..
And that’s when a lot of men would lie to me act in love and all until we are in bed and I see their real racist self … but i never could hold myself from cumming from it … idk what’s wrong with me being… orgasm from being treated like literally a piece of shit and by a man being racist to me , and I just feed his ego and pride by orgasming from it like I prove that he’s right…
Which they aren’t, it’s wrong what they do and their ideology is so wrong ! Racism is wrong .
But idk whenever the guy is racist like that I end up orgasming so hard..
Like some guys would try and just roleplay it and act that way but I don’t enjoy it at all… like I just know it’s fake so it’s a turn off to me…
Anyway now those racists don’t really respect me after how hard I orgasm when I’m with them… and like I’m always invited to those frat parties that are filled by racist men and women that just see me as something to laugh at or play with or use…
And after everytime I hate myself and feel so bad because it’s wrong and I’m just feeding their racism but idk humans are weak against their desires … but it’s not what I want but idk why my body is like this and why do they have to be that hot but racist
( to clarify, I’m not saying that whites are racist, no . They aren’t at all, I’m just study in an area that has a huge racist influence. And yes they are wrong and I regret what I did with them or just letting them have me cause since they had me once idk but they had an affect on my body which I’m guessing because the whole thing is just taboo and wrong… and that explains why I don’t feel the same with someone who is just roleplaying. )
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/tfahtu/f_as_an_black_girl_i_hate_how_my_body_reacts_to
Some people like different things
There’s a some S+M involved with a lot of couples, you just happened to discover it in an uncool situation. I’d try and disengage, like you said, we don’t need you getting traumatized.