Apparently I can’t suck dick when I’m high [FM]

I needed a comedic break after some of my hardcore posts (i.e. I needed aftercare). Enjoy another purely comical story that is absolutely not sexy…

Having a high sex drive can get tricky.

A few years ago I went to get an IUD in and had a some issues. After my doctor tried a few times she was afraid I was going to pass out because it was painful AF.

*She didn’t even ask for my safeword or anything.*

Anyway, she decided I needed a “mild pain killer” before returning.

*I’m very sensitive to medication btw. Things hit me at a 10 when it’s supposed to be a 3.*

I’m not quite sure what she gave me. I just know on my way there I took those sweet pills and was suddenly far less nervous when they kicked in right before my appointment.

I want to emphasize a point: I was feeling great and in my head I was acting 100% normal. I was legitimately proud because I was conducting myself with such grace under the circumstances and thought my “high” was a form of relief.

I got into an Uber after my appointment, thinking I was behaving beautifully. I didn’t even talk to my driver but apparently something was amiss with how I was quietly sitting in the back. Upon our arrival my Uber driver turned back to me and said, “Do you need help walking to the door?”

That should have been my first clue I was not quite as collected as I perceived, but at the time I just shook my head and told him not to be silly.

When I got to my apartment I immediately passed out on my couch and slept. My boyfriend woke me up half an hour later to ask how I was feeling.

“I actually feel great!”

*Side note: I actually have a pretty chill personality. It’s kind of hard for people to tell I’m fucked up until I get REALLY fucked up. There is very little difference between my temperaments when I’m high and sober.*

“Really?”

“Yeah, I had no pain at all. I missed you.”

“I saw you this morning.” He looked a tad suspicious.

“Exactly.”

I immediately took my shirt off and jumped on him. He did look a little hesitant but I can be very persuasive when I’m topless. I started making out with him quite aggressively and ran my hands through his hair. I told him I wanted him and led him to our bedroom.

*Hindsight, I probably should have told him I was supposed to take drugs BEFORE actually being on drugs but I was envisioning a strong Tylenol.*

Anyway, I ran into the door along the way.

“Are you ok?” He asked. “Like, have you been drinking or something?”

“No, it’s the middle of the day!” I was legitimately confused by his question as I was acting completely normal.

“Ok… Can we even have sex right now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, is it ok?”

“Yeah! It’s great!”

*Classic misunderstanding between a sober person asking about birth control and a drugged person thinking this is a consent thing.*

I pulled his shirt off and got on top. When I kissed his neck I apparently got a little too into it. I spent WAY too much time there licking his ear.

He gently pulled me back up to his mouth and let me guide a hand to my breast. He rested his head back and gave me an odd look, but I just shrugged and started kissing down his body.

“Viola look at me.” He studied my face with a raised eyebrow.

“Do you not want to do this right now?” I asked confused. This was not usually an issue.

“I do…”

I just smiled and got on my knees and started unbuckling his belt. When I took him in my mouth I slammed my head all the way down to the point I usually choke.

*I felt nothing! No gagging. No pain from deep throating. NOTHING.*

I got a bit distracted by the sensation and I just kind of held him there without moving, contemplating the logistics of a blow job.

“Hey Viola?”

I looked up at him and gave a confused shrug. I started moving my head up and down, but I’m not sure my mouth was even fully closed.

*I was TOTALLY nailing this.*

“V?”

“Hmmmm?”

He grabbed my ponytail and pulled me back. That got my attention.

*Jokes on you though, bro. I like having my hair pulled.*

“Viola, my love, are you on anything at all?” He patted for me to crawl up beside him. I slipped slightly on the way.

“Well fuck, I don’t know specifically.”

“Wait what do you mean you don’t know?”

“I took a pain killer. They just gave me a pill. I didn’t ask questions.”

“Like oxy?”

I snorted. “I doubt it. My brain is fine. It’s like a strong Tylenol or something.”

“It’s more than that.”

“No it’s not.”

“Honey you can barely go down on me…”

“Real… really?”

“See? I think you might be slurring your words. Also, your doctor actually said it was ‘great’ for you to have sex today?”

“Oh… No, I just meant I felt great. I don’t really remember what she said actually.”

*Upon reflection, this could have been a very big mistake.*

I was sitting up and suddenly fell over without warning, slamming my head on the headboard.

“Oh my god! I thought you were sober!”

“I am sober… Maybe. I can keep going. I’m fine! I feel really chill actually.”

“I bet.”

I let that sink in for a moment and then we both cracked up. Now that he mentioned it, I was feeling a little odd. I was contemplating this as I reached up and “booped” his nose with my finger.

“Ok,” he picked me up and carried me to the couch. “No sex for you.”

“Alright, but I would just like to point out that I had you fooled until I was bad at giving head. So I think the moral of the story is I’m usually fantastic.”

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/sq9vs0/apparently_i_cant_suck_dick_when_im_high_fm