Side note: my dog was so excited when she saw me setting up to write. She knows when I put on the lofi it’s time to get comfortable for a couple hours. https://imgur.com/gallery/A6vg90Z
This is going to be one of those threads that I think benefits greatly from context from previous parts of the story. If slow buildup isn’t your thing I think you might need to shop elsewhere. Cheers though.
[Part 1](https://old.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/slmt65/i_m_went_from_a_virgin_one_week_to_a_dom_being/)
So I was confused, but enjoying myself. I was so excited I felt kind of sick, like, light headed, and my hands were quavering ever so slightly as I slowly put my arms around Cat for the first time. She was very still, but didn’t let me go. Only a few seconds passed like this, and she later told me she was pretty much thinking, “Shit, fuck, what did I just do? What the fuck am I doing?” Followed by, “Mmm, he smells really nice.”
A dab of cologne, just a dab in the right spot. And bathe regularly. Smell is such a powerful sense and has so many ties to sensuality. More on that later.
I feel like I, as quickly as possible, need to fill in some gaps here. Like I’d mentioned, before this my romantic contact had been very, very limited. But, boy howdy, did I read a lot. Not just about sex and porn (but that too), but I read a lot about the things that interested me the most about relationships. What patience and anticipation looked like, and what it could do. About consent and boundaries, about communication and its importance. About the ebb and flow of sensuality, and the psychology, for lack of a better word, surrounding the interplay between aggression and tenderness involved in such. This comes up a lot initially.
In summary: I was too old and too egotistical to be totally unprepared, however, it was not that I didn’t have glaring holes in my game. Like, how good can you be at kissing someone if you’ve never done it much? So yeah, I was really, really nervous.
I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking just a little as I gently started to stroke Cat’s gorgeous hair. If you can imagine the first time you ever ran your fingers through someone’s hair in a romantic context, and then imagine you’d been fantasizing about participating in such an intimate act for so long you weren’t sure it would ever really happen. She stiffened ever so slightly in my arms, which threw me off a bit.
“What are you doing?” She asked, not pulling away, not angry, either. She asked it almost analytically. She might have asked me, “Why are you putting an egg in your oatmeal?”
I couldn’t really think of what to say, beyond what was right in front of, or rather, right on top of me.
“Uh, me? What are **you** doing?”
I swear to god, she was silent for a full ten seconds, totally flummoxed.
“I just… needed to get it out of my system.” She said, slowly pulling away and sitting up.
I wasn’t hurt exactly, I was still too confused. I’d heard of mixed signals but this was ridiculous.
“Get… *what* out of your system?” I asked the only obvious thing again.
She couldn’t look me in the eyes. Cat had never been shy around me before, now she was all but bashful.
“The… tension.”
“Uh huh.” I said unimpressed. I sat up slowly too. She still wouldn’t look at me.
“So… do you like me?” I said flatly. In that space at that moment, continuing to state the blatantly obvious first thing to pop into my head was pretty much all I was capable of. It was like half my brain was just not even turned on.
That got her to look up at me startled and, if possible, even more embarrassed.
“Umm… I… don’t know… question mark?” She said ‘question mark’ out loud a lot when I knew her. It was adorable. She had this expression on her face that was hard to describe. Not just confused, like, totally caught off guard and strangely vulnerable. It stood out because I’d never seen her anything other than snarky, sassy, or cooley logical.
I was, not angry, and not panicking, but I definitely felt this incredible longing, this ache, I just wanted her to keep holding me.
“But like, do you want me to leave?” Brilliant articulation brain.
Cat shook her head ever so slightly, her eyes drifting down. “You’re don’t look that athletic.”
Now It was my turn to be baffled. “Uh, tell me how you really feel?” I said half embarrassed, half retort.
She seemed to realize how weirdly rude that had sounded. “Oh no, uh, I mean, you don’t look like, super muscular, but I felt them.”
I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or be flattered. How the fuck was this girl being more awkward than me?
Not having a clue what to say I went with old reliable first stupid thing to come to mind, “I mean, my core is where I’m strongest.” Lame, so so lame. This is the lamest, weirdest most awkward conversation I’d ever had. This went from a dream come true, instantly to a vernacular-logistical nightmare. How could I course correct back to the good shit?
“You can feel again if you want.” Genius, or moronic. You be the judge.
Cat actually smiled ever just a tad, and then, put her hand gently under my shirt to feel my core muscles (I don’t think I can say the word ‘abs’, because they weren’t defined.) I didn’t “flex” but I engaged my core just enough, and she pressed into them with her fingertips. Okay, this is better, getting more on track.
I definitely liked the expression on her face just then, she took her time prodding me gently. “How did you get so strong?” I don’t mean to humble brag… you know what, fuck it, yes I do. My core muscles are as solid as a fucking rock. Not an ounce of give. And just because they’re not defined there’s no “excess” fat on me, you touch my stomach you feel abs right under the surface. I just like bread and cheese, ok?
I tried to keep my voice level. “Honestly, years of manual labor, a lot of mountain biking, kayaking and hiking, and a little bit of time in the gym here and there.”
Maybe a quick description of me, I’m not exceptional. I have good genetics in my facial structure, and I have nice teeth and hair, but other than that I’m just a 5’ 11” brown haired white dude, Scandinavian in descent, at the time of this encounter with a sort of modern office Ned Stark vibe going on. Just, with a lot of tattoos.
“Hmmm.” She said, removing her hand. Her tone appraising, like, actually appraising me like she was doing a real estate valuation or something. This girl confused me so, but she was so hot. “So, can I see your back tattoo?”
We’d talked about my tattoos, she didn’t have any but wanted them eventually. I’d told her about my back piece when she asked what was the longest I’d ever been under the needle. I won’t describe it in any detail because it’s very unique and could, however unlikely, potentially identify me, but it’s 6 hours worth of work covering almost my whole upper back. Just imagine something sexy. Whatever makes you happy.
“Huh, and you are not sure that you like me?” I said, not refusing, but not letting her get away with this without being teased. I swear she blushed.
“We’re… becoming good friends…” She said as I lifted my shirt and turned to let her see my back.
“Right, because friends cuddle and take their shirts off.”
She didn’t reply right away. She was looking at my back. She didn’t touch me, but I looked over my shoulder and she was intently studying me.
“I really like this.” She murmured. “Did it hurt?”
“Yeah but, like, in a fun way? It was only really, really sensitive the few times it went right over the spine.”
“Here?” She said softly, touching the spot in question with one finger.
“Yeah…” I said lazily, she ran a couple of fingers down my back along the tattoo. That was money well fucking spent. Get a tattoo. Or don’t, I don’t know. It worked this time.
“Is this how you act with all of your friends?” I said a little snarkily.
“Noo…” She said, moving her fingers back up to the top of the tattoo. “Just… the *really* good ones.”
How do I explain it. I *had* to kiss her. Every inch of me wanted, needed, to kiss her. But I was so afraid to try to touch her, if she pulled away I wouldn’t know what to do. But It felt like I was dying from anticipation.
So as I’d been doing all night, I just said what was on my mind.
“I really, really would like to kiss you right now.”
At that she cocked an eyebrow and gave a shit eating little half grin.
It occurs to me that these might seem relatively mundane and straight forward cause and effect steps leading to a logical conclusion. Well, you’re enjoying the benefit of hindsight, context, and an all-knowing narrator. This might seem like nothing out of the ordinary for you. But I’d kissed one person in my life before, had never had sex, never had a girlfriend, had barely learned how to make friends even. Everything that had led up to this point between me and Cat was (in my mind) me essentially acting out to mask the brokenness I felt inside. This felt like an out of body experience, my nerves were on fire. I had been clean for 4 years at this point, but I felt like I was on drugs. I was saying and doing things I’d never done, or had never thought I’d do. I felt like I was vibrating, like some fuming energy inside me was trying so, so hard to just find a little bit of pressure release. Get your minds out of the gutter, I’m trying to be fucking poetic and prosey here.
“I mean,” Cat said wistfully, pursing her lips a bit but still giving that half smile. “Friends… can kiss…”
Revolutionary. I’d never thought about it that way before. I’m not really joking. But one thing I was dead set certain of, I wasn’t not kissing her.
Will try to finish part 3 tonight if possible. But, you know, I have other shit to do, sadly. If you’re still reading, thanks.
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/smedcz/i_m_went_from_a_virgin_one_week_to_a_dom_being
No need to rush man, take your time, loving the build up! Can’t wait lmao