It really all started when I was a kid and ran across a copy of a cheesy historical romance novel. I must have been nine or ten years old, and I remember the first bound sex scene—a large, powerful, noble man was captured and tied to a bed so an inexperienced virgin could reluctantly mount him and get him to impregnate her. There was some plot point that sort of made this logical (I guess), but the best part was when he decided to take revenge on her by doing the same thing. I read in awe as the helpless girl struggled to free herself and to deny the pleasure that was bubbling up inside of her as the man used her body.
Who knows what my kinks would be if I’d stumbled upon some other type or erotica. But it is what it is. The reluctance, the loss of control, being helpless as a man uses your body for his own pleasure… Ever since I was old enough to have sexual feelings, those elements have brought an extra edge of pleasure to every fantasy I’ve had.
I’ve never really admitted it to anyone I’ve dated, aside from jokingly suggesting they tie me up. A few halfheartedly tried, but they just weren’t into it. I figured it wasn’t in the cards for me and that I’d have to rely on porn and erotica to fill that huge gaping hole in my sex life. I settled down and got married, had kids, built a stable professional career, and then…
I just couldn’t take it anymore.
The porn wasn’t enough. I’d watch a hogtied girl with a vibe pressed to her clit get facefucked with an open mouth gag on and wonder what it felt like to be her. Was I destined to live out my entire life without ever feeling what it’s like to be truly dominated and used? And was that desire really so terrible?
That’s when I joined Fetlife. I used a silly fake name and didn’t post any personal pictures. I just want to see what’s out there, I told myself. How many people in my area were really into this sort of thing, anyway? A lot, it turns out. I began joining groups and following people, and my inbox filled up immediately. I couldn’t help but respond.
I know my wants and needs a little better now, but then, it was like a buffet. I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t know the terminology. I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for.
I fucked one of the first guys I met. He was a black guy who was really turned on by the idea of fucking a white girl. I shared my kinks and curiosities with him and he seemed game to explore them. We exchanged photos and dirty talk. One morning not long after we started talking, I was so horny at the office that I went to the bathroom to finger my clit. I sent him photos of my wet pussy. He was a truck driver and was coming back into town that afternoon. He told me to meet him at a truck stop.
I was so nervous. I tried to talk to myself out of it the entire way there. The truck stop was a 20-minute drive from my office. Before I’d left, I’d taken off my panties and let myself be bare under my summery dress. I could feel myself getting wetter as I drove toward the truck stop, and my head felt foggy and muddled. It was like I was in a daze, and my body was just confidently going through the motions.
When I got there, I tried my best not to look like a slut on her way to get fucked as I walked to his truck and climbed in. He greeted me with a kiss and then moved his lips to my neck, his hands roaming across my curves. He gently pushed me face down onto the bed, on my knees, and lifted my skirt up, caressing my ass and moving his hands over my hips.
Then I felt his tongue on my vulva. He flattened his tongue out and licked me hard all the way to my asshole, then went to work on my clit, working two thick fingers into my pussy. There was no resistance—I was nervous, but I was wet and ready for him. I was so wet his fingers made a sloshing sound as they pumped in and out, rubbing against my g-spot. I closed my eyes and let the sensations wash over me.
After a few minutes he flipped me over and hung my head upside down over the side of the bed, where he positioned his cock above my face. I tentatively licked and sucked on his balls, then slowly took his cock in my mouth. Working my tongue on the underside of his cock, I took it into my throat as far as it would go. His balls smushed against my face, and I could smell his musk. This is what you wanted, I told myself. To have a cock balls deep in your throat, with balls smearing your own saliva back onto your face He started slowly fucking my face, and I worked hard to rearrange my lips and teeth and control my breath so that he could effortlessly slide in and out. The more he fucked my face, the more saliva pooled in my mouth–his cock was slick with it, and when he pulled out, a string of spit trailed from the tip to my mouth. My eyes teared up and I knew my mascara was running down my face. He squeezed my tits and pinched my nipples while he pounded my face, taking his time to roam my body with his hands.
I was ready to get fucked. He put on a condom and I let him push me into missionary position on the bed. He shoved his cock inside me. He wasn’t as big as I’d hoped he would be, but I groaned at the delicious sensation of feeling filled up. He shoved two fingers in my mouth and I sucked them while he fucked me, tasting my pussy juice from earlier. He flipped me over and grabbed my hips, thrusting hard. The thrusts made wet smacking noises that were wonderfully primal.
I felt him reach down with his thumb and smear pussy juice up toward my asshole, and then I felt his thumb press inside. I let out a guttural moan and pushed my ass back against him, making him thrust even harder and shoving his thumb further into my tight asshole.
It didn’t take long for him to come after that. I didn’t orgasm, but I was sweaty and satisfied. I wanted a thorough pounding, and I got one. The short walk of shame back to my car was intense. Would someone see my climb out of the truck? Would it be someone I know? Could they tell that I’d just been facefucked and pounded right there at the truck stop by the interstate?
That night, I fucked my husband without even taking a shower first. I felt filthy, and I came hard.
In hindsight, I realized that though I’d just had a hookup, I hadn’t had the experience I was looking for. I still wanted to be forced, bound, used. I didn’t just want to have sex with a random guy. I wanted to be destroyed by [one.So](https://one.So) back to Fetlife I went.
He was the first, but he wouldn’t be the last.
Part 2 is up in my profile!
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/s02q09/mf_part_1_i_hid_my_kinks_for_years_and_now_im_a