Mail Order GF (I)

TW: Mention of abusive relationships!

I’ve never liked being alone. It’s harder to drown out the darkness, the nagging self doubt filled voice in my head telling me discouraging things as I slump through day to day life, trying to maintain a feeling of adulthood. Trying to mask the scared little girl lurking just below the surface.

When I left my last relationship I told myself I had to be alone. To heal and recover from years (starting in HS and ending in my early 20s) of mentally, verbally, and physically abusive charades subjugated upon me by my ex.

As soon as I found myself single I became a different type of miserable. While my last relationship had been terrible I missed the good things that come from a relationship (even a rocky one). Sleeping alone, eating alone, watching stupid meme clips on YouTube alone. Wash, rinse, repeat, wash, rinse, repeat. All alone.

It was like I was a ghost. I felt hollow and invisible. I no longer had to deal with violent rampages or uncertainty. Now I just had to deal with my own mundane tasks, the blandness of the expected. Had I always felt the need to live for someone else? Or was this a learned behavior?

A people pleaser isn’t always a submissive, but most submissive people are in a way people pleasers. I’ve only felt good about myself when I was useful to others. Pulling that extra shift for a coworker when they really needed some time off left me feeling like sunshine, cooking an extensive and time consuming meal for a group of friends left me glowing, groveling on my knees begging for cum gave me a high jubilant awakening.

So single me had a dilemma. I tried online dating sites for two weeks and racked up around eight dates. I prefaced I intended to go on a first date to solely get to see if I was interested in the person. No smash and pass, no kissing even. Just a wholesome date to talk and familiarize myself with the other individual.

My dates said they understood yet each one pushed my boundaries. One attempted to get me in the back of his car where pillows and a soft blanket were laid out. One honked my left tit while we walked out of a Starbucks. One forcefully grabbed my chin and attempted to kiss me on a park bench. To say the least I was unimpressed.

I’m a kinky bitch. But I’m a kinky bitch when I’m comfortable, feel safe, and within the perimeters of a relationship. So I gave up quickly on dating apps. Bored and lonely I began watching Twitch streamers. I had an interest in skateboarding both skate games and irl skating. In fact my friends growing up had mostly been skaters and while I had always watched on the sidelines 20s me was more bold. I got my own board and began practicing.

Within weeks I had become a regular watching and interacting on certain peoples streams. I was also getting drunk and causing a scene (as much as you can as a commentator on someone else’s stream). Within a few months I had a “reputation” within a specific game community.

To say the least I received a lot of penis pics during this time is an understatement. I also sent my share of nudes willingly if I was sure the other person was an adult. Flirtation was my life. But underlying all of the DMs full of lust I was genuinely trying to know these guys. I was seeking more then just a quick sexual release. I needed to be held and loved.

I became even more depressed when I realized most of the men I had been flirting with saw me as some disposable E-thot. I was free porn with the added benefit of knowing the porn star and talking to her daily. There was no close intimacy for me to cherish. Only chit chat, some sexual jokes, and the ever popular “send me dirty talk in your cute anime voice”.

Only a few actually seemed to want to meet with me irl. And I clung to them like a lifeline. The pandemic was full swing so I knew the likelihood of us actually meeting was slim. But maybe if I sent them enough videos of me cumming, if I pestered them everyday, one of them would show me they cared for me enough to want to see me in person for more then just a bedroom rendezvous.

Then I met him. He also had a reputation within the same community, as a degenerate. One of the people who knew us both actually private messaged me “Hey have you met _blank_? I think him and you would really get along!”. I hadn’t actually spoken to him yet even though he was an older member of the community.

We met in a discord voice chat. Another dude was pestering me for free nudes. I was brushing him off and watching skating clips with the other guys in the VC. _blank_ pops in the chat. I instantly perk up. I recognize his name. He’s joking and making me laugh. I get that feeling, it’s a weird feeling, the one where you instantly feel comfortable around someone.

About an hour into us chatting he jokingly asks if I want to see his dick. You see his nickname within the community was “Arizona Can”, a comparison picture had been leaked and a few key members of the discord server had seen it, the nickname had stuck. I immediately said yes and asked if he wanted to see me. His pic lived up to his nickname. I sent one of my ass with a purple jeweled butt plug along with a few more innocent selfies.

We chatted for hours before I decided I was too drunk and needed to “sleep”. Really I was so fucking turned on I need to rub my clit and stare blurry eyed at the dick pic I had been sent. I orgasmed so hard that night I saw black spots for minutes after I came.

When I sent a private DM to him the next morning he was surprised. We chatted for hours and I was immersed in getting to know him. He was guarded and distant but still polite and made me laugh. My intuition told me he was playing it cool, probably because he didn’t trust me. As someone with trust issues I understood this behavior. If anything I wanted to earn his trust, earn him opening up to me more, earn his love.

….to be continued!

This is a real life story. This is my story and journey as a submissive girlfriend. Follow my relationship from long distance girlfriend to mail order girlfriend!

Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/rsmkdi/mail_order_gf_i