(tw for mention of suicide, abuse and in general dark themes. Don’t worry though because everything here is safe sane and consensual even though it’s admittedly screwed up.)
When I was almost 21 I left a toxic family for good. I started seeing someone (26m) and when we started having sex it became a D/s dynamic in the bedroom. After having to fight my entire life, it felt good to be able to trust someone and willingly submit.
I became severely depressed because of negative comments from my parents’ friends and extended family, calling me a spoiled child and generally vilifying me for leaving. Over a year after I left I went back to my parents’ house for a weekend. I fell for the manipulation and rekindled our relationship only for them to continue their verbal abuse and forbid my siblings (who I raised in some aspects) from seeing me. I came home heartbroken and tried to poison myself. I took a week of sick leave from school and work and stayed over at my boyfriend’s house while recovering. He took care of me while sick and had fun playing with my helpless body but didn’t know what happened. I admitted it to him after I had recovered physically, and he first held me tightly and cried a little bit. He noticed that I was tense talking about my family and he said “they’re not here right now, they can’t hurt you.” I felt safe and started crying so hard I was shaking. He gently touched my face and hair and then kissed me on the cheek. I calmed down a little bit and explained the situation further. He already knew about my family situation and previous emotional issues. He told me that I should have talked to him or someone else before doing anything drastic. After talking it out we agreed that when I felt better, I needed to be punished to make it clear that I was never going to try anything like that again.
He knew I had been physically abused before so he reminded me that I could tell him to stop for any reason, and that he wouldn’t really want to hurt me too badly, just enough to teach me a lesson. I gave consent for him to take me over his knee and spank me with a hairbrush. He was taking his anger and frustration out and I could tell he was upset. He told me that I am not allowed to kill myself and told me how much I meant to him. At one point I had to tell him to stop, which he did. I then said that he could finish my punishment but to not hit me so hard. He apologized and again reminded me that it wouldn’t be like before, any pain I would take would be with my permission only. He kept spanking me and then inserted a finger into my asshole. He aggressively fingered me for a few minutes.
He picked me up and cradled me in his arms. He put me on the bed with my knees up to my chest and started to use me roughly while holding me tightly. I had started crying softly but also had a smile on my face. We kissed each other and he wiped the tears from my face. He called me his “precious little toy” and said that he wouldn’t let anyone hurt me, not even me. He said that he needs me alive for all the things he plans to do to me and that he would be furious if anything happened to me. After he came inside me he kissed me on the cheek several times. He continued to hold me as we both fell asleep.
The next day I made an appointment for counseling. I made new friends to replace the ones I had to leave behind and I eventually reconnected with some of them who weren’t close to my biological family. I dealt with a lot of emotional stress and dark thoughts but never acted on it again. I got as far as writing a note at one point but I went to counseling and spent time with my friends and my partner. And yes, often I did need a firm hand to guide me in the right direction.
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/rkrntd/mf_kink_fsub_physical_punishment_after_self