The weirdest seduction that actually worked [FM]

I used to love Tinder. I think the key is to keep expectations low and just go along for the story. Boy did I get some great stories from that dear app.

I was once swiping mindlessly and stumbled across this profile that cracked me up. This guy was cute, funny, and entirely wholesome with a bit of self-deprecating humor that drew me in. We both swiped right and talked for a bit before we planned to meet up.

It was one of the best Tinder dates I ever went on. We hit it off immediately. He was really attractive and a great conversationalist. We were both from a conservative part of the country and made fun of weird parts of our home culture compared to the city we live in. He did impressions and tipped the waiter really well (I was in the service industry for years so folks always get extra points when they do this), so I was sold.

We went to dinner and then out for drinks. I had never laughed so hard on a date.

We had been out for a few hours when he gets a little serious and is like, “I feel like I should tell you something because I think this is going really well. Is it going well?”

“Yes,” I respond, “this is going really well even if that sentence makes me nervous.”

He throws up his hands. “Alright, I’m just going to say it. I am religious.”

“Ok…”

“I’ve never had sex.”

“So you are-“

“-Saving myself until marriage? Yes. I do… other things though.”

*Alright so I’ve been on this date before. In my experience usually that’s code for guys being fine on the receiving end of oral, but not much else.*

I used to be religious. I absolutely respect it, but I also can’t go without sex so I nod and try to map out the nearest exit.

Then he hits me with, “I always keep my pants on.”

Alright, you can officially color me shocked. “Wait so that means, you’d theoretically be fine with my pants off.”

“Oh yeah, I don’t care if the woman I’m with is a virgin. I just think some things I want to leave for marriage.”

“So those things would be… that thing would be… you’re saving your penis for-“

“-my wife.”

Alright. I’m invested. I’ve never seen this particular take on premarital sex. I bury my face in my hands as I try to process what he’s saying.

“You think I’m crazy?” He asks. We’re both laughing so at least the conversation has remained light-hearted, but I’m not really sure we can recover.

“No… I just have many questions.”

He tells me he would be happy to answer them so I proceed to ask how he got to this particular take on religion. We go back and forth until I actually start to understand this somewhat twisted take.

“So riddle me this, you would go down on me?”

“Yes,” he answers immediately.

“And you just wouldn’t get off.”

“I probably would get off later to the thought of it.”

“And that’s fine with… Your beliefs?”

“It’s a loophole. Coincidentally, most women tell me I’m the best head they’ve ever had.”

“You won’t be the best I’ve ever had.”

“How do you know?”

“I have sex with women.”

So…”

I try to explain. “Have you ever heard a REALLY good cover of ‘The Beatles’ and you’re like ‘this rocks and it’s fantastic effort’ but it’s still not quite as satisfying as the original? It’s kind of like that.”

*I’ve had really great head from men btw. I’ve just generally found women to be better.*

“Alright, but it’s all I’ve ever done. After years of it, I’ve gotten pretty good. What exactly do you have to lose here?”

*The man is making sense.*

The bottom line is I had to work the next day and I really had to process this conversation more, so we agreed I would think about it and parted ways.

We continued to text that next week and I was surprised how into him I was. He was fucking hilarious, light-hearted, and so damn unassuming. I told one of my female friends about him who, in loving terms, asked me what the hell I was thinking?

So I called him.

We went on another date and it went just as well. We stayed out for four hours talking until he finally invited me back to his place. I accepted.

He makes me a drink and puts on music. I almost spit out my cocktail when I realize he’s just put on a cover of “All You Need is Love.” The fact that he leaned into it instead of feeling threatened makes me like him even more.

We make out on his couch for a bit until I burst out laughing. I can’t help it.

“I feel awkward,” I admit.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t have my normal moves! I don’t know how this works without a certain part of the equation.”

“What’s your normal equation?” He asks.

“Um… well for starters, normally it would involve your pants eventually coming off.”

“And…”

“I would probably ask if you wanted me to suck you off? I really like doing that.

“And…”

“And swallowing.”

He closes his eyes. “Oh fuck, I wish you hadn’t told me that.”

I grab his hand and put a finger in my mouth to suck. I’m sincerely not trying to fuck with him, but I am curious about his reaction because I’m not totally convinced this guy is even straight. This arrangement is just a little odd.

He throws his head back, lets out a moan, and allows me to slide his fingers in and out of the depths of my throat. His face is pure agony.

He’s into women.

He smiles at me as he pulls me closer, this time making out with me a little more aggresssively as he puts a hand up my shirt. Apparently Jesus is cool with him playing with my tits. By my judgment, he’s done this quite a bit because he’s pretty damn good at the whole “groping and flicking” combination. I’m freaking out it feels so good.

I rear my head back and must have looked surprised because he seems a little bit too pleased with himself as he tells me I haven’t seen anything yet.

He pulls me to the floor and lays me back on his rug. I’m panting at this point as he starts removing my clothing and kissing me up and down. He grabs a pillow from his couch and puts it under my lower back.

*Who the fuck is this guy?*

He pulls my skirt up and starts talking to me, telling me how hot I look splayed out on his rug like that. He tells me he wants to feel how wet I am and says he’s can’t wait to taste me. As he puts his fingers inside of me, I reach for him so we start making out again.

It’s really fucking good. He’s going so slow and moving his tongue around my mouth in a way that’s hard to misinterpret. I’m moaning into him until he tears away and whispers into his ear how he’s going to get off thinking of me like this later.

He gropes my chest and tells me he’s going to start by thinking of my breasts first. He plunges his hand deep inside of me and tells me he’s going to think of that next. Finally, he smiles and asks if I can guess the last thing he’s going to think about. I don’t answer because I can’t breathe but he starts kissing all the way down my body until he’s finally properly eating me out like a fucking champ.

*Praise be. Hallelujah. Amen.*

This guy was not lying. Not only has he done this before, he’s *great* at this. He’s fingering me perfectly and licking me just slow enough to have me begging him for more. I play with his hair and ask him to speed up but he just shakes his head and tells me the slow buildup is what’s in it for him.

When I start praising how good he is, that’s when he gets really excited and finally speeds up. He reaches a hand up to play with one of my breasts and takes a moment to tell me how good I taste before diving back in. I tell him I’m getting close and he goes even harder with his tongue. When I come, he holds me down and continues to lick me all the way through it.

*I mean, maybe we both had a spiritual experience because I am fucking saved.*

“Not bad for a cover?” He asks when he finally comes up for air.

“You’re George Harrison, my friend.”

*He’s actually probably Ringo because he wrote “Octopus’s Garden” and you cannot convince me that song is not about eating a woman out.*

As you can probably guess, we did not date. As satisfying an experience as this was, we were in very different places in more than one arena. However, we actually remained friends because this guy is cool AF and he still occasionally texts me Beatles lyrics.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/rbxuud/the_weirdest_seduction_that_actually_worked_fm