On Sundays I normally make food for the rest of the week. I hurried back to the store because I forgot to buy some celery for my midday snack, and it was almost closing time. When I arrive, I saw that almost no one was there. I felt all alone. And hungry.
I started dieting two months ago, and I’ve received a lot of compliments about the noticeable changes to my body. While I do enjoy the attention, I would be lying if I said I’ve enjoyed my weight loss journey.
Sure, I’ve lost a lot of weight but it’s made me considerably hungrier. And moodier. I’ll get aroused by simply looking at restaurant commercials showing me pictures of succulent steaks or fantasize about enjoying a delicious bar of dark chocolate without worrying about the consequences that it will have on my diet.
Sometimes I feel like I’m in a controlling marriage with my diet. He controls everything I do: I have to exercise, eat healthy, and sustain a strict calorie deficit. It can feel so restrictive at times. That, and I also have to stay faithful to my diet, in a sense, and avoid cheating on it.
But tonight it was hard to resist lusting for all the delicious food around me. So many options, but all I could focus on was the peach stand beneath the dark part of the half-lit store. One peach, in particular, caught my eye.
I picked it up and gently squeezed it to feel its firmness. I caressed my fingers around it and decided to take it with me.
*One juicy, luscious snack wouldn’t hurt.* I thought.
*No!* I paused. *I-I-I can’t. I can’t cheat on my diet.*
I quickly put the peach down and turned towards the greens, so I can get the celery and go. I grabbed the celery and went to self-checkout. But as I’m walking, the image of the peach still lingered in my mind. Its curvature and firmness—its juices—could satisfy my ravenous hunger and perhaps help me release all the pent-up frustration that I have.
I cancelled the transaction, returned the celery, and rushed back to the peach stand to get the tempting fruit. I went back to self-checkout, paid, and quickly walked back to my car.
There was no one in the parking lot. No one there to see me cheat. No one there to judge. I felt free—liberated.
I grabbed the firm and luscious peach and took a bite. Its juices squirted on my chin, dripped down my neck, and started running down my chest. Each bite made my heart beat harder and harder and harder—giving me goosebumps. I felt a rush of blood to the head. I was breathing heavily and I thought about everything leading up to this moment: the ravenous hunger, the pent-up frustration, the firmness and curvature of the peach, the last minute change of heart, and my devouring of the forbidden fruit.
For a few moments I felt a bit lightheaded, and my entire body started to tingle. I felt an intense sense of relief. The euphoria of this moment was intoxicating.
Eventually I came to my senses. I took a deep breath, smiled, and relaxed. I turned on my car and drove back to my apartment. I entered the kitchen, saw the healthy food that I had prepared for the week and put it in the fridge. I completely forgot that I was supposed to buy celery. Or rather, I did grab the celery with the intention to buy it—but I decided to leave it instead. No one knows that I cheated—except for me.
And I think I’ll keep it that way.
Haha this was amazing.