Starship Rimshot. THE SEMEN-POPE VISITS EARTH
By the time the Semen-Pope visited Earth, he had about 2.4 billion followers across eight star-systems. This was more than twice the followers of any Earthly pope. And the Vatican was really not sure what to do. To ignore the presence of an Intergalactic Pope would be like ignoring the existence of the Dalai Lama. Makes for bad interfaith relations, and makes the Vatican look stuck-up and foolish, and terribly old-fashioned. Still, a Roman Catholic Pope shaking hands with a Pope of the Doctrine of Sacred Jizz, was more than most Catholics were ready for. The Catholic version of “sacred jizz” had many more rules, and threats of damnation, and was never talked about as freely and openly. The child sex scandals of the 19th and 20th Centuries did not help matters. By the Doctrines of the Church of Sacred Jizz, the leaders of Catholicism were hell-bent sinners, entirely guilty in the Eyes of God, for allowing the abuse to continue on and on, one decade to the next. Non-consensual child sex was punishable by death on most planets. All the hundreds of thousands of group-sex rituals within the Church of Sacred Jizz Church were for grown-ups only. Everyone participated because they wanted to, and knew exactly what sucking cock, eating vagina, and vaginal and anal intercourse entailed.
Aware he was visiting a generally conservative and puritanical planet, the Semen-Pope did not wear his usual clerical vestments, the shimmery, iridescent, diaphanous robe, through which his Followers could clearly see the Pope’s long, dangling and surprisingly thick penis.
His Fifteen Acolytes covered-up their vaginae with flowers or bright-colored panties. They did not cover-up their lovely large, firm, tan young breasts. On view-screens, from cell-phones, to laptops, to widescreen TVs and jumbotrons in stadiums, the Acolytes raised their arms, smiling and waving to the citizens of Earth, their breasts swaying and jiggling joyful. Some Islamic nations attempted to blur all the dark brown female nipples, or obscure the breasts entirely; to no avail. There were too many naked breasts, and those breasts were far too popular. Tens of millions of heterosexual Earth boys of all ages thought this was the best thing since Sliced Bread! A Church of Jizz, and hot, hot friendly, naked girls from Vega Prime! No widespread, widely accepted Earth-based religion had ever made sex so very cheerful, welcoming and fun: Promiscuous Fucking Blessed By God. A Sacred Ritual. Spurting semen, and vaginal orgasms the most religious acts of all.
Clearly, most Catholics, Protestants, and even Episcopalians were not ready for the Church of Sacred Jizz. There was no way for them to compete with a sexy, well-thought, well-respected religion from distant galaxies. Taoists, Hindus and Buddhists were generally more eager to embrace the Semen-Pope than Christians, Muslims and Jews. (The Semen-Pope had declared Jewish circumcision a horrid child abuse, the mutilation of genitals. Absolutely unthinkable within the Gospel of Sacred Jizz!) Twenty group-masturbation events were scheduled in major soccer and football stadiums across Europe and North America, with two in South America and one in Australia. The aliens paid rental on these ball-parks in advance with solid gold bars, and added a two billion dollar bonus in cash for the stadium owners. No owners of stadiums passed on this business deal. The public was invited to attend for free, with free lube and soft hand-towels provided at the door. The events were adults-only, and the alien security were experts at removing all sneaky teen boys with telescopes before the ceremonies began. Nearly half the population of the U.S. and Canada attended one or more of these ceremonies. And everyone who attended truly enjoyed watching the Semen-Pope and his Acolytes have loud, sacred orgasms on the big jumbotron screens.
The Vatican arranged for special closed-circuit broadcasts of each Group Masturbation Ceremony, to be viewed only by the Holy See and the College of Cardinals. The Holy Father of Rome shook his head sadly, and whispered to his personal secretary. “This will be the end of us, Ignacio.”
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Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/qh1398/starship_rimshot_the_semenpope_visits_earth