My (21F) first time which did not go well [FM]

I am 21 years old female. One of the redditors asked me to share my experience here by creating this alt account.

It happened 3 years ago when I was 18. Fall in love for the first time with a senior and he was VERY nice (he acted nice tho). He manipulated me like whenever we had a fight, I had to apologize. And as the relationship went on for like 8 months, he started to be more intimate like touching me every time and kiss me, asking for nudes, etc.

I never agreed to visit him at his house but after 9 months of a relationship, I agreed because he was not talking to me over this thing. I was not comfortable at his house and he said “If I love him then I should trust him”. He removed my clothes and I did not agree with that but again, I was naive and was in love. He removed my clothes and started to touch my naked body. That was the first time he or any man touched me naked. Then he removed his clothes and asked me to touch his penis to which I said no but again, he started saying I should trust him and this is all good, so I did touch his penis. He kept his hands over his hands that were touching his penis and he started to move my hand over it. Then he lies me down on the bed and kept the penis on my virgin vagina. I was not ready and did not feel like doing it. I tried to resist but he was already in a move and started to push inside me. I could not do anything. He finished off and I kept thinking why I did not do try my best to resist him.

After that day, I realized what mess I have created and I broke up with him 2 days later.

Last year, out of nowhere, he messaged me. I do not like him at all nor do I like to think about him anymore. I blocked him right away but later at night, I started to remember “that” time with him and I got wet, although, I know, I was manipulated into sex and was kinda forced i.e. rape but I don’t know why I got wet and I read erotica later. Again, I did not think about him but I thought about the time I was there and what was happening for the first time with me. That is how I got interested in this kink.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/po1il2/my_21f_first_time_which_did_not_go_well_fm