I canceled my apps and stopped going to bars. Now I only hook up with women shopping at TargetšŸŽÆ [MF]

OK this is like 50% confession and 50% life pro tip. Seriously, guys and girlsā€”Expect more, pay less when it comes to your love life.

Hear me out, ladiesā€”

Mature, budget-conscious, attractive bachelors who have their shit together are shopping at Target.

Listen to me, guysā€”

Financially responsible, stylish, independent, hot women are shopping at Target.

Whatā€™s one thing all Target shoppers have in common? They always leave with several items they didnā€™t even know they wanted! Position yourself appropriately, and next time, YOU could be one of those items.

Andā€¦much like Nespresso and Peloton owners, Targeters feel way more secure associating with, and thus fucking, members of their own tribe.

Combine that with seductively low prices, soothing music, and spacious, tri-mirrored dressing rooms, and youā€™ve got a recipe for a retail rendezvous

You might think Iā€™m joking. And the first time it happened, I thought it was a fluke; but I kid you not, of the 6 people Iā€™ve slept with in 2021, 1 was from the gym, 1 was the PoDeg adventure with MAGA girl (but you can read about that elsewhere), and 4 of them I met inside the walls of that glorious red bullseye.

Hereā€™s how it started.

Weekday afternoon. I had just picked up a bag of my favorite miniature mandarin summertime snack, Lil Cuties (on sale for $3.50), and tossed them into my cart. As I surveyed the remarkably well-stocked produce vista, I saw a gorgeous woman pulling away from the deli counter. She thanked Jim for his precision slicing of her locally sourced, incredibly fresh turkey and began to stride in my direction.

She had long dark hair, big beautiful eyes, and a tastefully sexy crop top that she filled out so well. She wore torn denim shorts that confirmed she rarely skips leg days and frequently browses the fantastic womenā€™s summer collection just aisles away from us. As my eyes met hers, she quickly looked away with a hint of embarrassment in her smile.

I didnā€™t think much of it until I passed her again in the impeccably organized frozen food aisle. She already had one of the doors open and was bending down toward the bottom shelf. The fogged glass distorted the details, but that ass (and the discount denim that clung to it) was unmistakable. Damn. As she closed the door, a couple of her fingers sensually streaked down the glass, causing water droplets to flow downward. I quickly learned 3 things: 1) she was braless, 2) the cold from the freezer had excited her nipples beneath that thin white top, and 3) she, like many classy women, enjoys Amyā€™s frozen dinners.

When she looked up at me, she bit her lip, and just like earlier, looked back down with a coy smile as she walked past me. As I turned to watch her walk away, there was a sway in her hips that said she knew she had my attention. Target has those fancy freezers with motion sensors for the lights, so each step she took commanded the luminance from inside the glass. I watched as she moved down her runway, each new light paving her path as she glided away. She made one last glance over her shoulder pointed to my basket and said, ā€œDaveā€™s Bread, huh? Thatā€™s hot. I like that.ā€ Then she pushed her cart, which had 4 perfectly aligned and well-oiled wheels, silently around the corner.

This reminded me that Target was running a special on motor oil. I made a quick detour through the surprisingly well-appointed automotive section and quickly located my oil and snagged a great 3 for 1 deal on car air fresheners. This reminded me that I needed a bathroom candle, and I opted to get a new scent, Cashmere Plum. Which reminded me I needed a new pillow case. Done.

With these last few things, I started to make my way toward checkout. This brought me conveniently close to the womenā€™s athleisure section. And Iā€™ll bet you can guess who was browsing through the yoga shorts and bra tops. God bless you, Target.

She smiled again, this time holding her gaze to mine.

Shit I need to say something.

ā€œGo with the red ones. Theyā€™ll look great on you,ā€ I managed, as a the storeā€™s delightful playlist transitioned from Sheryl Crow to Vanessa Carlton.

Without missing a beat, she said, ā€œyou think so?ā€ Then a devilish smirk appeared as she added, ā€œIt says theyā€™re half off, but Iā€™ll take off more if you come help me try them on.ā€

You know that moment weā€™re all familiar with when you think youā€™ve just been propositioned in Target and you kinda panic and start to wonder if thereā€™s such a thing as secret shopper sex stings?

There was no way my brain could process that level of forwardness in this setting, so I just kinda laughed, assuming I misheard.

ā€œHaha…I was just on my way to self checkout,ā€ I stumbled.

ā€œI was too,ā€ she said pointing to the dressing room. ā€œBut donā€™t you agree itā€™s way better when someone else helps check you out?ā€ She winked, turned, and walked toward the dressing room with that same hip swing Iā€™d witnessed on aisle 14.

You gotta be fucking kidding me, right?
Likeā€¦how many of those security cameras on the ceiling are being watched by Ashton Kutcher right now.

My rational brain succumbed to the part of my brain that enjoys tight butts in red yoga shorts, and I mindlessly followed her toward the empty dressing area.

I donā€™t know why this was the first thing I thought of, but as I reached the door, I said to myself, ā€œWhy the fuck am I paying for a Costco membership when I can come into Target as often as I wantā€¦FOR FREE!?ā€

Iā€™d like to say the next few minutes were the most erotic, raw, and cinematic sex of my life.

They were not.

I canā€™t say for sure how long we were at it, but I know it was the approximate combined length of the 3 songs by Jason Mraz, Natasha Bedingfield, and Kelly Clarkson that serenaded our try-on tryst.

A picture of a cute white bull terrier with a large bullseye painted on his eye looked down upon us, as I bent her over the dressing room bench. She and I, and our infinite labyrinth of reflections, frantically fucked, seeing each other in a new light, as four overhead fluorescent bulbs illuminated every pore on our skin.

As she got close, we switched positions and I sat on the bench. She climbed on and started to ride me. Her pace was not too fast, not too slow, just perfectly synced with Jasonā€™s words ā€œitā€¦canā€¦notā€¦waitā€¦Iā€™mā€¦ yoooooursā€¦oh oh ohā€¦.ā€
His ā€œohsā€ became her ā€œohs,ā€ and just as the song found its bridge, so too did her back, and she began quietly cumming and bucking hard.

I told her I was about to cum, and she quickly dismounted and kneeled between my knees onto the incredibly tidy dressing room floor. Iā€™ll add that this floor had ZERO of those dangerous leftover pins from menā€™s dress shirts often found on the floors of less reputable clothing stores.

Her soft lips took me over the edge, and I gave in to her rhythmic sucking. As a conscientious Target customer, she ensured that no drop was left behind, and she took every last thrust between her lips until I was spent, leaving the floor in the pristine state in which we found it.

We both promptly got dressed, exchanged numbers and proceeded to the next available checkout line.

Seriously fuck Costco.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/oyhtpf/i_canceled_my_apps_and_stopped_going_to_bars_now

95 comments

  1. Target’s marketing team has taken an interesting new strategy on customer acquisition.

  2. After checking out your profile, i think this have nothings to do with target but that you have killer abs and good looking face. You can bang in wallmart if guy look like you.

    Thank your sponsor Targets šŸ˜‰

  4. I mean I’m sure it helped that she was attracted to you to a certain level for that to happen. But I can see anything happening not just at Target as well. A cute barista taking her break in a certain costumer’s car in the parking lot. Getting some EXTRA help loading heavy stuff into her car from a gentleman from Canadian Tire. It’s all about timing and opportunities šŸ˜

  6. You can target woman of your dream at target . Visit your nearest target store.

  8. I’m gonna follow you just for the amazingly written stories.

    Also the abs. You could grate meat on that.

  10. The biggest inaccuracy here is claiming Target has a deli šŸ¤”

  11. What’s next? Maybe we’ll see words from our sponsors before each story climax. But have you guys tried honey.com? It’s literally free money and so easy to use. šŸÆ

  12. This is probably the best story I’ve read on this subreddit; well done!

  13. If you look the way you do, then yeah, you’ll have no problem picking up women anywhere. Don’t encourage guys to go creep on ladies who are just trying to shop in price, especially if the girls are not attracted to the guy.

  15. Youā€™re extremely talented as a writer and also wouldnā€™t be mad running into you at Target šŸ„µ

  19. This is a Costco toilet paper pack-sized humblebrag. My dude, it has nothing to do with Target and everything to do with you looking like this: [https://i.redd.it/z3tu0l5v6cf71.jpg](https://i.redd.it/z3tu0l5v6cf71.jpg)

    You could get laid in a burning building ffs.

  20. Peloton, Nespresso and Target’s guerilla marketing has gotten, well, weirdly sexy.

  21. > 4 perfectly aligned and well-oiled wheels

    Damn you almost had me convinced

  22. I knew this was the same author as the (excellent) PoDeg stories before I even finished the first sentence.

  24. All of the comments may be true, but you can’t deny that was fantastically written… Even if OP looks like Adonis

  26. TIL Iā€™m never having sex in a Target dressing room since everyone is looking terrible under that fluorescent light.

  28. This was so disappointing. Iā€™m a loyal Costco member and I donā€™t appreciate this hit job.

    Iā€™d rather stuff myself with a quality, all-beef foot-long sausage for $1.50 than strange meat at TargĆ©t for free

  32. I like Walmart for the financially irresponsible, overweight, yoga pants wearing woman that have never seen the inside of a gym and have 5 ex husbands and 8 kids.

  33. Targets marketing team has taken “sex sells” to a whole…. hole new level

  34. The fantasy of every teenage male Target employee lol. Very nicely written though.

  36. Iā€™m going to be honestā€”I really wanted to hate this as a thinly disguised Target ad, but Iā€™ll admit that I was thoroughly entertained and this was a fun story. Thanks for sharing.

  37. With your body all you have to do is say yes to the women on Reddit and theyā€™ll come to you. Easier than driving to target.

  38. Target’s marketing is going a new direction. Give this liaison a raise.

  42. After finishing the whole passage, I’m still wondering to myself if this is in fact a copypasta.

  43. Graduate level marketing class, right here.

    While the story was lukewarm, like my Sierra Mist, it did help take the wrinkles out of my 100% cotton Mossimo chinos.

    The next time I enter the halls of the red bullseye, I will load up on my Archer Farms trail mix, (which is on sale for $7.99 for 16 ounces, by the way) and try to bust a nut the merino wool shirt of a sexy milf.

  44. I’ve always noticed a lot of hotties in Target. Whether it’s back to school college girls shopping for the perfect trash bin, or bored soccer mom’s trying to spruce up the livingroom with a new piece from Martha Stewart’s Good Living collection, there’s always some eye candy.

  45. It helps that you are tall, handsome, and hung like horse. Of course you’ll hit the target at Target. šŸ˜

  46. Regardless of whether this is a real story or not, it’s definitely reawakening my public risk fantasies šŸ˜šŸ˜

  47. This is funny as hell but a lot of people donā€™t know about Target. My first job was there at 18 the amount of fine ass women walking in there is insane. I had an ex very smart and cute that lives by the code of Target only. I personally havenā€™t had this happen but damn it sound lit šŸ˜‚

  48. Honestly the women at target are amazing and gorgeous. Especially in Utah

  49. While this is well written, there are no Targets that have any sort of deli counter.

  50. If this is true, it’s legendary and hats off to you. If it’s false, still pretty good story telling lol let’s hear the other three stories

  51. Bravo, hot body and engaging writing. Winning combo šŸ”„šŸ˜ˆ

  52. Targets marketing team has really stepped their game up this year.

  56. Oh, I get it now! I always thought my bone dry love life was because of my appearance and personality, but now I know it’s just because I don’t have a Target near me.

  58. šŸ˜’ when you worked in Electronics at Target but the story talks about a “deli”

    BRUH

  62. I feel like i just read an erotic yelp review and I’m not at all upset by that.

  65. I feel like this story is a Target ad written by Caroline Kepnes… lol

    Also, for everyone saying Target doesn’t have a deli counter: I was hung up on that detail too, but I googled it and APPARENTLY IT IS A THING šŸ˜² I’m in total shock here. Never seen a target with a deli counter before either.

  66. Funny, well written story. Love the details You should write comedy scrips.

  69. Bruh. You almost had me until you had her say the bread was hot. Gtfo here, ya corporate shill. XD

  71. OP, youā€™re probably a Greek god. How about some LPTā€™s for geek gods like myself? šŸ¤£

  72. Well appointed automotive section? Deli counter? Not shopping in any Target I have been to.

  73. I work at Target. I don’t know anything about abundant hook ups but there are plenty of MILFs shopping. Also, at this time of year a lot of college coeds.

  77. Your stories are the rare ones that are not only perfect for this sub but make me laugh my ass off šŸ˜‚ well done brother šŸ‘

  82. Youā€¦ know you could get published, right? Iā€™m not talking self publishing shit. Iā€™m talking a collection of erotic short stories a real book publisher would publish. You need money. Not mine, but definitely other peopleā€™s

  83. I know sex sells, but damn you got me turned on fantasizing about filling a girl after filling my cart haha

  84. I have told every single friend bitching about bar girls and hostesses that Target is the place. You have a sea of recent college graduates who are decorating their new apartments on a budget, but want it to look fresh or contemporary. They get a few home items, pick up their beauty supplies, grab a few groceries, maybe a Blu-Ray or two, and head out. In some Targetā€™s, there is a Starbucks. You know they love that. Itā€™s a less slimy real-life Tinder.

  85. That was fuckin entertaining! lol
    My favorite part was his Os became her Os lmao

  86. Goddamn. What a perfect mix of humour and sex.

    You’ve gotta write more!

  87. Alright letā€™s see if I meet the requirements

    Step 1: Be attractive

    Shitā€¦.

  88. I think all Targets play the same songs at the same timeā€¦

    Also, hallelujah for dressing rooms being open again.

  90. Hottest girl I ever fucked I fucked while I was working at a target so yeah I’d say you’re right

  91. Til target is a supermarket outside Australia and not just an overpriced clothes store

  93. This story has made me realize that I do not shop at Target enough and should fix that. A very fun read.

  94. Holy fuck that was an outsfanding read. Pulitzer worthy. (Did I spell that right? Who the fuck cares. Lol)

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