I Colluded Inside a MAGA Girl 3 Times Last Night [MF]

You ever yell out an unexpected string of words in the middle of sex and think, “Oh Okay! that’s a new side of myself I haven’t met before? Yeah…well, tonight’s farcical fuck fest ever has led to quite a few moments like that. If you had told me 24 hours ago that I would be staring at the back of a certain red hat, as its wearer’s naked ass bounced erratically on my lap while calling me James Cumey, I would have shouted fake news to your face; but there she is, and here I am…about 10 pumps away from colluding inside Qanon Youtuber “QtiePie69” for the 3rd time tonight. Honestly the line is blurred, and I can’t say for sure if this counts as fucking WITH someone or just simply fucking someone. Probably both…but no lie, I actually just uttered the words, “call my cock George Soros if you want to feel how deep this deep state can really go.”

Maybe I should rewind a bit…

I don’t always Tinder, but when I do I prefer to stick to a few rules while swiping.

1- If more than 1/2 of your pics feature your face being cartoonishly filtered, you’re headed left. Nothing at all against puppy ears and adorable mouse noses, but unless you plan to wear that floral wreath on our first date, let’s save it for your Snapchat friends.

2- please have at least one pic that was taken by another person and not all selfies

3- I’d like to consider myself open-minded and love a good civil discourse, but as a general rule, left swipes if your pics or bio are…shall we say…aggressively MAGA.

With this girl, I broke all 3 rules, and for some reason…I swiped right. Honestly I don’t know why. The pics were very hot, even though one featured her in a surprisingly sexy “Jesus is my vaccine” tank top. The bio line said “Youtube researcher. Loves yoga, guns, whiskey, faith, dominant men and DJT45.” Umm, interesting combo. I was reluctantly tempted. I mean…her earth may be flat, but damn the curves on this girl most certainly were not.

So in a haze of horniness, curiosity, and mischief, I betrayed a few rules and swiped right.

She messaged first. “Heyyyy. How tall are you?”
“Ugh. Jesus, What’s your bra size?” I typed but promptly erased.
“6’3”. Do I pass?”
“Depends.”
“What are you looking for?”
“Tonight? Or in general?”
“Tonight.”

The conversation became what I can only describe as an escalating medley of political spite and sexual tension. I think there was a quick recognition that under any circumstances involving either of us wearing clothes, we would likely hate each other.

So we both gradually slid into the roles that each was expecting. Some teasing, some dirty talk, some discussion of kinks and fantasies. Then out of nowhere she said, “Gotta say my expectations are low for a soft snowflake like you. Sure you’re up for the task?”

The fuck? Just as I started to get annoyed, it hit me. Dominant is what she wants. Let’s take it up a notch for this conspiratorial sex kitten. Tonight I’m giving her some PoDeg…that’s “POLITICAL DEGRADATION PLAY,” for the uninitiated.

I gathered myself and typed, “Listen…When you’re spread out for me on the bed tonight, and you feel my hand gripping your ass and my cock sliding into you, you tell me if ‘soft’ is still the word that comes to mind.”

“Ohhh…OK snowflake,” she shot back.

I left her hanging for a few minutes and then dug in.

“Why don’t you show me how you can shed your panties as fast as your principles,” I hit back.

“Fuck you,” she fired back along with a topless pic.

Then, one after another more pics came in. There are flirty nudes. There are dirty nudes. There are “please subscribe to my OnlyFans” nudes. These were none of the above. These were “I need to be fucked right now” nudes. And damn, she looked good. Her last video sealed the deal. She tasted her glistening fingers, slid them into her pussy, and just said “please Sir.”

“Is that where you like to be grabbed?” I asked. “Or will you only let me if I’m famous?”

“You can grab it, but do you even know what to do with it?”

I shot back, “Believe me. I have the best cock. If you look at what people are saying. Many people have said this. My big, beautiful, clean cock will make your pussy wet again. Perhaps the wettest of any pussy in modern history from the standpoint of wetness.”

She didn’t respond for a few minutes. Then a message with only her address popped up on my phone.

I sent back, “In one hour I want you in nothing but a black thong and bra. Be on your elbows and knees. Ass propped up high. Face down in your pillow like you’re still searching for Hillary’s emails.”

“Oh…and for the rest of the night, you will only refer to your pussy as wiki, because we both know how much it will be leaking for me later.”

At this point, I’ll pause to provide a description of my penis. It’s an average size…approx 8.5 inches (length and girth).

When I arrived at her apartment, she was exactly as I’d instructed. I walked to the side of the bed, my finger grazing her ankle.

“I know that you’re well aware of this, but there’s a storm coming,” I whispered into her ear

I trailed my finger up the side of her naked leg until it hooked around the thin waistband of her thong. “These panties. These are a wall,” I said. “Do you really want this wall on your southern border.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m asking you if you want your southern border secure or open. Do you want this wall keeping me out,” I said while roughly tugging on her panties.

“No. No sir I don’t!”

“Tell me you want your southern border unsecured,” I pressed.

She paused. I assured her that I would be sending my best and brightest.

“Fucking cross my southern border as many times as you want. Jesus Christ, please! Immigrate and inseminate, daddy!”

The next few hours were pretty surreal. Sarcastic, angsty, sweaty, sexual theater. There were moments when I couldn’t remember if I was ironically humping her or not. Regardless, I’m not sure which was thicker, the precum dripping from my cock, or the sarcasm dripping off my tongue. Either way she seems mostly oblivious and into it. And I won’t lie, I was kinda loving this.

I got her to beg me for my vaccine needle. I gave her my Mueller probe. She “Secret Serviced” me while I stormed her Capitol. There was even an extended daddy/Ivanka roleplay. The climax of the night was when I told her that she could only refer to my cum as universal healthcare. Hearing her begging to be covered by and filled with socialized medicine was a sexual pinnacle for me.

I’m processing some of this as I write it down. No doubt, she and I will still hate each other outside of the bedroom, but god do we fuck well. And I think there’s a bigger lesson to be learned here. Small spaces of bipartisanship still do exist…sometimes those places are just hidden beneath our clothes. Sometimes the bridge between us is an 8-inch penis. If you haven’t already done so, get out there and find an enemy with benefits and cum together.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/omu2vn/i_colluded_inside_a_maga_girl_3_times_last_night

104 comments

  1. > The climax of the night was when I told her that she could only refer to my cum as universal healthcare.

    Oh dear lord that’s a hilarious mental image… :D

    You magnificent bastard.

  2. Yall know when you read the first line of a post and you can tell it’s going to amazing and that the poster is a great writer? Yeah this is one of em

  3. Only on Reddit is 8.5 “avg” size 😂

    Funny story 👍🏻 Don’t forget, James Carville was married to a repub

  21. This is brilliant on multiple levels. Hats off to you, sir 😂🤛🏻🙏🏻🤘🏻

  22. wtf did I just read? I don’t know whether to get hard or volunteer at a phone bank

  23. This post deserves a stimulus check so our man can continue tearing down walls.

    Well done sir

  24. Huh, now that I know that PoDeg is a thing the marriage of the Conways suddenly makes much more sense. Good for them.

    Edit: To the person that downvoted me. You explain that shit then. Please.

  47. I’m more “MAGA” than most people I know, but even I have to say that girl was a bit off her rocker…Podeg? Clearly her politics are a pride thing, not actual political beliefs…
    Probably gets her fucked often and that why she does it…Or simply that there’s weirdos on every side of the fence…

  50. I soooooo want this to be true I really really do. If it is urs epic and if not it’s hugely well written. Good work either way!

  52. Politically satirical nonfiction erotica! What a combo, and what a refreshing read!

  53. I have no way of knowing what parts of this are true, but I’m jealous.

    Not even jealous of the sex, I just wanna be 6’3″ with an 8.5″ dick.

  54. This felt more like a comedy piece, and I thoroughly enjoyed it hahah my goodness 😂

  57. You ever read a post that is so good, it destroys an entire subreddit’s future? Like when Obama said “thanks, Obama”?

    This is one of those.

  64. This is only funny because I assume most people on this sub are resistance democrats. This was awful. I could tell where every single joke was going. The flat earth didn’t make sense at all since that’s not political and nobody actually believes it (unlike qanon which has millions of sincere devotees). I’m not a Trump supporter but I understand how guys like Seth Meyers and Samantha bee have audiences after reading the comments here. Pathetic

  72. My god, I want this to be true so badly. Either way, great job OP.

  81. And you woke up with your panties wet, in your mama’s basement and got in front of the computer and started writing that beautiful dream you had.

    😂😂😂

  84. she calls you a snowflake but when you tell her jesus ain’t real or poor people shouldn’t starve she melts down.

  88. Accolades, the references didn’t stop. It’s either your used to this or you unlocked a Bankai that night.

  91. >She could only refer to my cum as universal healthcare

    I’m fucking dead hhahahhaa

  95. Omg! This is the best read and real laugh I’ve had in ages. Who cares if it’s real or not. This human is a legend!!!!!!!

  96. Most unrealistic part was when you rounded 8.5″ down to 8″ instead of up to 9″ in the last paragraph.

    Hilarious story, and so well written!

  97. I’m glad you mined the gap between the aisles with your probing banter. You pressed the flesh as only the slickest politicos could. We need more connection as we are all cut from the same cloth. Thanks for this on many levels.

  98. How high were you when you first started making up this encounter in your head?

  100. Absolutely horseshit story that is better written than anything on this sub. If you don’t win the month contest we are all DOOMED.

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