My [F] shameful anal rapeplay kink

**How it all started**

My confusing, shameful anal kink started when my ex and I were having anal sex for the first time together. Let’s call him Matt for the story’s sake. I read online that it hurt less if the girl was on top (boy, was I wrong), so I straddled him in the cowgirl position as he pumped beneath me. Matt is well-endowed, and he hurt right away, but I tried my best to accommodate his girth.

After a short while, it felt like he was about to split me in two, so I said something like, “It’s hurting. Maybe we should stop.” But Matt kept going (maybe I wasn’t clear enough), and eventually the pain became too unbearable, and I involuntarily shouted, “Noooo!” and he came in my ass while moaning—his face all tensed up from his orgasm.

When Matt recovered, he looked disgusted with himself, like he had just discovered something about his personality and wasn’t sure how he felt about it morally and said, “You saying ‘Nooo!’ made me cum.” I slowly lifted off of him and could feel his warm, silky cum in my ass. I was a little worried that it would leak out of me and into my pussy (not on the pill) or make a mess, so I rushed off to the bathroom.

As I cleaned myself up, my head was spinning. On one hand, I was mad at Matt because I felt like he deliberately ignored my request to stop (but I was also confused because I wasn’t sure how clear I was; maybe he would have made a full stop if I was truly stern). On the other hand, I was extremely turned on thinking about how he took what he wanted, like I existed for his pleasure. And I *liked* that my involuntary “Nooo!” got him off.

I can’t recall how the rest of the night went. I’m pretty sure we went to sleep after we chatted a bit, but I touched myself thinking about that moment the day after and I still do every so often. I even tried to recreate that scenario in another relationship.

**Awakening the beast in a vanilla guy**

After Matt, I dated a very conservative, straight-laced vanilla guy. Let’s call him Nick. The sex was meh, but the rare occasion we had anal was fantastic. During our second time, I was laying in the prone position, and he was thrusting on top of me (essentially pinning me to the bed). He was smaller than Matt, so anal was bearable, but every now and then it would hurt (which I grew to love). It hurt during this time but it wasn’t excruciating like it was with Matt. I said something like, “Nick, I’m not sure I like this right now. It’s hurting me.”

He said something like, “It’s ok. You’re ok” as if he were in a pleasure trance he couldn’t shake and proceeded to continue fucking me with the same intensity (he was going sort of slow but still). This immediately turned me on–the slightly uncomfortable/overwhelming sensation of being filled, the dominance of the act (there’s something so deliciously depraved and wrong about anal), the fact that I said “no” but he was using me for his pleasure anyway. My pussy started pulsating immediately. It felt like a million spasms.

I leaned into the moment even more and said, “Please stop. It hurts.” But I said it softly.

Nick slowed down his pace and said something like, “I’m sorry, but it feels so good” (as he slowly withdrew almost all the way out like he was going to pull out but then slowly pushed back in). He continued this way for a bit before gradually increasing his pace. I was on the verge of orgasm at this point. I could feel my pussy begging for release (so weird how anal sex can trigger a vaginal orgasm), but I stayed quiet, so I could get off on the idea that he would continue against my wishes.

Soon after this, Nick came in my ass. He grunted above me, and his dick twitched inside me. I laid on the bed for a couple of minutes with him still on top of me, his dick somewhat hard. I reached in between my legs and could feel my pussy spasming under my hand, and I didn’t want this moment to end. I wished he could stay like that forever–the feeling of his warm, soft cum inside me, threatening to leak out and the feeling of his dick plugging up my now sore hole. If only he could stay inside me until he was ready to go again and then fuck me with his own cum as lube as it leaked out of me with each thrust (we did this eventually btw, but that’s for another story).

Eventually, he got off and I went into the tub to wash off his cum. When I returned, I was angry but still so turned on. It’s such a powerful and sexy combination: anger and lust. I pretended like I had to take care of a few things in the bedroom, and after he left, I touched myself until I came under my hand. It was quick because I was fully charged. After I regained composure, I told him I was kind of angry with him but also turned on, and he acted like he was apologetic, but I don’t think he really was. The next time we had anal sex, we repeated the same dynamic. I’m not even sure he remembered that I got off on being used for his pleasure, and that made it even better.

So now you know my shameful kink Reddit strangers. I’d like to add that CNC is the way to go if you’re interested in this kind of play. My kink origin toed the line because I may have sent my former partners mixed signals, but it’s important to be sure you get consent regardless of how realistic you want to be.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/nxxfem/my_f_shameful_anal_rapeplay_kink