Okay, so my last couple of posts got removed without me knowing. I messaged the mods about them and I know what the problem is. I’ll try to repost them fixing the issues I had. Anyway here’s my latest story. Enjoy!
I live in a world much different from yours. In my world, clothes only exist for children, and sex is as common for me as saying hi is for you. I grew up in this society, so I have only heard of anything different. I can only imagine what it’s like to not constantly have your dick inside of some stranger’s pussy. I could never experience that, though. I still remember my 18th birthday. In my world, the 18th birthday is a rite of passage. Once you turn 18, all of your clothes are sent back to stores to be resold to younger children, and you enter into the sex driven society. You are legally required to remain a virgin until your 18th birthday, but it’s tradition to have your virginity taken on your birthday. This is how I lost mine.
I woke up naked for the first time in my life. My parents wanted me to start the nudity a bit early, so I slept in the nude the night before my birthday. When I woke up, my 9 inch dick was fully erect. I knew what today was. My sister, Julia, came into my room to wish me a happy birthday, but she had other plans.
“Hey there birthday boy. You ready for what’s coming?” Her voice was almost taunting me. Julia’s a year and a half older than me, and she’s known as the “Best Sextoy on the Street”. She has B-cup breasts with perfectly round pink nipples. Her ass is not too big, but not too small either. Her pussy is her best feature, though. Her lips perfectly match the color of her nipples, and meet together in what has been described as one of the best clits around, not to mention that her pussy is tight as fuck. When she looked down at me, she saw my raging boner. “Aww.. Someone’s a little excited to lose his virginity, isn’t he?”
I looked up at her angrily. “Listen, Jules. There’s no way I’m letting my sister be the one to fulfill the tradition.”
“But Mikey-kins.. You’ve gotten me all excited now.. Now what am I gonna do?” Her voice made her sound like a 3-year-old. I saw the pout on her face, and her pussy was taunting me. So, I made the tough decision.
“Okay.. fine.. You can take my virginity.” I reluctantly laid on my back with my dick sticking straight up in the air. Julia climbed on to my bed, knelt down between my legs, and wrapped her mouth around my big head. This was the first time anything other than my hand had touched my dick. Her lips were softer than a baby’s bottom, and she kept them tightly around my head. I felt her tongue dancing around the tip of my dick. It was like I was in heaven. “No wonder why people call you the best.” She looked up at me with loving eyes before taking another two inches. I felt her tongue rubbing the bottom of my shaft. Her taste buds hit every last one of the nerves in my dick. I can’t even describe how amazing the sensations felt. Another three inches in and she starts to gag a bit. I felt my tip hitting the back of her throat as she put her hand at the base of my dick. She came up a bit, strands of saliva dripping out of her mouth down the sides of my shaft. She forced the full 9 inches into her throat, gagging as she did. Her tongue kept swiping back and forth on the bottom of my dick. Suddenly, she stopped and pulled herself off of my dick. I looked at her in confusion as she started slowly stroking my saliva-soaked shaft. Her hand almost felt better than her lips. She moved her hand in such a way that tricked every nerve into becoming aroused. My dick started to thicken up a bit before a jet of cum streamed out. Julia smiled at the sight of my cum.
“Mikey! I didn’t think you’d give so easily. I sure hope you have more.” Her voice was almost teasing me as another jet of cum exploded out. The cum fell perfectly onto my stomach before Julia bent over to lick it up. “It’s so yummy, I wish you let it out in my mouth.” She smiled from ear to ear. “Are you ready for the main course?” I nodded and she climbed on top of me. Slowly, she lowered herself onto my still erect dick. I could feel the heat coming from her visibly soaked pussy. She teased me a bit by rubbing her slit along the bottom of my dick. I felt her pussy lips ready to take my hard dick into them. She finally stopped teasing and took my dick into her hot, juicy pussy. She moaned softly as the head penetrated her slit. I felt her juices dripping down the sides of my shaft. “Holy fuck Mikey. You’re so hard.” She moaned again as she let herself drop onto me. I felt her ass cheeks clap onto my thighs as she took my full nine inches. She started to slowly rock her hips up and down. Her pussy was hungry for my dick. She let out a moan every time she dropped herself back down onto me. She kept pace for a while before she sped up. She was riding my dick like it was a horse. I could feel the heat radiating from her pussy on my dick. I could smell the erotic scent of her pussy juices. I wanted nothing more than to lick up all the juices, but I would have to wait. It felt like she was moving at the speed of light up and down my thick shaft. “AAAAAHHHH!!! Mikey! I’m gonna cum!!!” Just then, I felt her pussy clamp down on my dick. I felt her gyrating on my dick. I couldn’t take it anymore. Cum exploded out of me deep into her pussy. She smiled and let out a slight giggle as my cum filled her pussy. “Oh fuck your cum feels so good.” She looked straight at me while she let herself rest with my dick inside of her. “How’s that for a birthday present?”
“Best. Present. Ever.” I smiled as she pulled herself off of me. “But there’s one thing missing. I wanna know what you taste like.” She turned around and stared me in the eye.
“You wanna taste me? Okay I guess..” She hesitantly climbed back on top of me and sat herself down on my chin. Her pussy was still hot from what just happened, and I could feel the heat. I started to lick her pussy. Her juices had a flavor unlike anything I had ever tasted. There was a strong sweet flavor with just a hint of saltiness. I let my tongue explore around her slit before moving up to her clit. As soon as my tongue touched her clit, Julia let out a big moan. I knew she was loving it. She smiled as my tongue traced around her hood. It wasn’t long before she was pushing herself into my face. I took her clit into my mouth as she pushed against me. Her moans were starting to turn into screams of pleasure as my lips squeezed against her flesh. My tongue caressed the inside of her clit in my mouth. “Oh fuck. Mikey I’m gonna cum again!” She could barely talk over her own moans. A couple of seconds later, her legs went limp and her pussy started squirting directly into my mouth. Her juices were just as delicious as before, if not better. She laid down on top of me, her back against my chest as we both needed a quick break. “Mikey, that was some of the best work anyone’s ever done on me. Must be beginner’s luck.”
“Heh.. Yea it must be.” My face must’ve been red as a tomato. Julia got up, turned around, and began to walk out of the room.
“I’ll be back for round two. Maybe we can get a bit kinky with it.” She winked at me before walking out the door. I just lay there, wondering how on earth I let my sister seduce me.
To be continued…
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/ntzq44/the_best_birthday_present_ever_mf_freeuse_incest
So good, please continue if you can.
If your posts keep getting removed here then post these on your own subreddit as your writing is so good.
That was prob the best story I have ever read on here
Was this just a dream you had that you thought was good enough to write down or did you come up with the story in your conscious mind? cause this is… Well I can’t say it’s for me at least
I will give critique, cause this is Terrible
Your word choice is poor; “red as a tomato” doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, it makes your sentences clunky and bogs down the story with tangents that are functionally irrelevant to the scene. You do “tell don’t show”, which isn’t Great. You also repeat your words Constantly, “clit”, “slit”, “moan”, if you use the same words over and over they lose any and all impact the words have.
Your pacing is nonexistant; jumping straight into sex and “Hey bro wanna bang” is more Funny than it is erotic.
Your description of what’s happening is uncreative, “I licked her pussy and she moaned and smiled and pushed my head into her pussy”… like there’s nothing erotic here because there’s 0 tension, no suspense, no teasing, no whatever, it’s just “penis, vagina, penis tongue clit, ‘Mikey!’, clit, slit, moan”.
Edit: this is also Unbelievable. Sex doesn’t work like this Mon frere, “beginners luck” is stupid as a line and doesn’t work, especially seeming as this character is meant to be “well used” at this point. “Free Use” doesn’t fucking mean anything if you don’t contextualise and give depth to why you’re calling it “free use”, it’s Useless and adds Nothing to the scene if you don’t elaborate on why it’s erotic in the story through description or w/e.
“Erotic” is not what this is. This is a bad hentai, in fact it’s pretty much functionally identical to the one where the men get a License To Bang At Will when they’re of age because Men are an endangered species or w/e. And at least in bad hentai there’s the video and sounds to grab onto. A picture paints a thousand words, a video however many more; in Writing it you have to do a Lot more work to actually make it, for one, believable, and for two, Hot. This I neither.
Watch some YT videos on how to write better cause these are pretty amateurish, and whilst I realise this is all for Fun for you, you also don’t want to waste your time writing something uncreative and bad.