Story by u/MrWoofles
*Original Post [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/DirtyWritingPrompts/comments/nfr97o/wp_its_the_perfect_job_easy_going_full_benefits/gyveyqr?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)*
“Hey.” Cirro blushed as he stood in the office. He was surrounded by humans but they were kind and offered him food and drinks.
Across the desk was a succubus with absolutely obscene breasts. Cirro kept his gaze on the floor as she propped his resume on those lovely orbs. “Well Mr. Cirro you have a stellar reputation and no criminal record. Which is surprising for a dark elf born to dungeon life. No thieving is the important one. Now we will be starting you are seventy gold an hour. You will get one full day of vacation time per week of on time. Access to a master cleric of darkness and light with twenty revivals a year and discounted age regression.”
Cirro gaped, “So much gold. Can I ask why a ball washer gets so much?”
“You are washing the balls of a dark god, most of this is hazard pay.”
“Will it hurt me?” Cirro said then quickly added, “I will get healing right?”
“HE will not hurt you intentionally but occasionally you will be there when he is under attack. You are not expected to aid him but doing so has a two platinum bonus.” She looked over the paper work one last time, “When you are ready just exit the door and you’ll be transported to your client.”
“Thank you, Ma’am.” Cirro blushed not trying to stare at the bulging nipples.
He quickly turned around and stepped through the plan wooden door. When he crossed the threshold he was in a very well furnished room with a large couch big enough for a titan. He turned and noticed a scrying glass the size of a castle behind him. He almost didn’t see the massive being that was reading a normal sized scroll just behind the couch. The being was the deepest black with muscular legs that ended in polished hooves. A huge pink penis swung from his legs with each step as he signed the paperwork with a thumb print.
“Hello. How are you today, Cirro.” The beast boomed with his voice even at a whisper.
Cirro bowed and the beast snorted, “Nah. You don’t worship me. You don’t even directly work for me. Stand up, have a drink, and let’s get you settled.”
Cirro watched as a large glass of Vintage Farlo wine appeared in his hand. It was his favorite drink and even chilled to perfection. He sipped it and followed the massive bovine god. Cirro only came slightly below his kneecaps in height. The male led him past many empty chambers and rooms. They stopped in a large audience chamber with a massive throne made of crimson wood and silver.
“This is my altar. Mostly my edgy servants come to ask for boons. They will ask me for powers like tentacles to help a cat out a tree or a plague that works on the undead to help a church.” The god chuckled.
“Sir, aren’t you an evil god? Wouldn’t that be break oath or something?” Cirro asked as he noticed that there were nude humans cleaning this room.
“I am the God of Horns, Rondu. My domain is sex, freedom, and power. Most of my followers are good people. They just don’t want to appear all sunshine and rainbows. Honestly I’m mostly evil by lack of morals. My followers get the job done their way. The horny bard that fucks his way to saving the village or the cultist that transforms a village into powerful monsters is my kinda servant.” Rondu said while taking a seat.
When the god sat down on his throne that lights around flared to life with balls of purple mana. The place had all the flare of a command center or a demon citadel but Cirro didn’t feel the raw menace or intensity that he expected. He notice that there was a stairway leading to the gods crotch. Rondu beckoned him up.
Once he climbed the stairs he found a few rags, a mop, some cleaning solution and various scent oils. He noticed that there were was a alcove hidden near Rondu’s thigh and two strong looking werewolves with ceremonial jewelry staring at him. Rondu peered down with a smile.
“That’s Rip and Tear, they are there to lift my sack so you can clean the underside. You can also bang them if you have the inclination. They are former sacrifices and pretty much will do anything you ask.” Rondu said while leaning back in the throne.
Rip was a larger grey furred male, “Oh sweet a dark elf. Definitely a good look for the whole evil thing.”
“Oh we should get him in some spikes and leather. The whole BDSM thing is all the rage with those types.” Tear said and climbed out to sniff him.
“No. Last thing I want is a guy covered in nails around my lovely balls.” Rondu chuckled and petted Tear on her head.
Cirro raised a hand, “So I just have to clean your balls daily? I don’t mean to complain but why don’t you wash them normally instead of paying me?”
Rondu chuckled, “I do. You are here as a prop to all of this. The worshippers walk in and see that I’m so awesome there is a person whose whole gig is to wash my balls then they feel like their god is worthy of their worship. The guys coming to kill me walk in and see that I’m so debased that I have a slave forced to wash my balls then they get enraged. They don’t know that you get paid or have a live in servant that washes and drains your balls as well.”
“But I don’t.” Cirro mumbled.
Tear checked a clip board in the alcove, “Yeah we all do. Yours is…. Oh that’s funny, You’ve got Vanna this week. She is amazing with her mouth and honestly a treat to talk to.”
Rondu snorted, “Orientation is going to have to wait. Grab a towel and start oiling my balls, don’t worry about what happens next just listen and make them shine. Rip and Tear get to your spots we got two minutes.”
Cirro nodded and started on the left sack he started from the side so he could see the rest of the chamber. The balls were amazing they were well groomed and each one was the size of a small shed. He leaned in and took a sniff, the masculine scent was enough to make him blush. He was honestly touching a God and it didn’t strike him down. The oils smelled of charcoal and surface plants.
Rip and Tear had descended the stairs and began to growl. The sound would have made Cirro piss himself if he wasn’t sure they weren’t going to kill him. A man approached with a sack, he tossed the sack on the altar in the center of the room.
“I am the Baroness of Nebe, I seek your favor in sending a plague to my rival. I want her to suffer so that she will not deny me my due. Kill her crops and ruin her life Dark One.” The woman hiss.
Rondu eyes blared to a white hot as he gazed at the sack. “You ask for curses and you bring me a beggars corpse? Are you trying to insult me?”
The Baroness paled, “I meant no offense I-”
“Silence fool. If I wanted a mewling dog I would make you into one. I accept this offering but I will sow my displeasure in you as well. Be gone!” Rondu wave his hand and the woman vanish.
Rip stopped growling and rolled his eyes. “I did say Nebe was full of assholes.”
Rondu nodded, “Her rival isn’t even after her estate. The woman is simply pretty and the Baron is a manwhore. I’m gonna give this rival a small cold so she misses the festival. I’m also gonna send a fairy to heal her so she has a good time anyway.”
Rondu pointed to the corpse and an older man ripped his way out of the sack. He looked around in fear and noticed Rondu. He dropped to the floor in horror but the bovine God shook his head. “You’re dead but if you follow my wolves they will get you a nice reincarnation. Next life we can see about you being an heir to a Barony in Nebe.”
Cirro watched curiously as his hands danced across the smooth black skin. He occasionally peek up to see Rondus cock react to the attention. The pink shaft was swelling large enough to block the stair way.
“So that is my usual kind of work. I do get heroes or villains trying to kill me but those battles are swift. My usual worshipper bring food or offer their bodies to my servants. So you’ll get some sorcerer willing to gag on you dark elf cock for a bit more magic or to remove a curse.” Rondu scratched his chin and thought for a moment. “When you finish up with my balls I have a welcoming gift in your room. I’ll let you meet your servant tomorrow. Your gonna want a full night with this gift.”
“Sir, why are you so kind to me? It’s my first day.” Cirro blushed.
“Costs me nothing to be nice and I can read your mind. You also sniffed my balls and don’t think I didn’t hear that silent prayer about keeping the job and impressing me. You want to be here, thus I will shower you with affections.”Rondu smiled and laid back in that throne. “Also your race could use a break from that spider nut job.”
The mention of his people’s most popular religion made him shudder. He thought about the goods words and continued to oil the impressive sack. When he finished he checked the cleaning kit and found a slicker brush. He tending to the god’s small tuft of of fur at the base of his sack. The whole process took almost two hours.
Cirro smiled as he realized that his room wasn’t a room but a fully furnished apartment. A king sized bed was laden with gifts and trinkets from his new coworkers. What really drew his eyes was the marble counter at the back end of the room. Three large circles with a few gem stone slots beneath them the gemstones were cut into the shape of hearts. An inky green one was labeled ‘use me’ and Cirro picked it up and put it in the largest slot.
The largest circle glowed and revealed a large female ass with freckles, the next circle revealed an ample female torso with a nice set of breasts and the final smallest circle became a set of pouty lips. The wall shimmered and showed the Baroness in her study and shouting at a group of servants. Curious, Cirro touched the lips near him. The Baroness flinched and touched her own lips. Cirro gasped as he realized that he could do anything to this haughty Baroness.
A thought struck Cirro and he removed the stone ending the magic. He picked up another stone, black as night, and inserted it. A large black furred rump, cock, and muzzle appeared. The wall displayed Rondu, the big male was hunched over a scroll. He turned to face Cirro and winked…
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/njpuh9/work_for_a_god_professional_ball_washer_mm_fantasy