I had a lot of fucked up kinks, and it just feels like I continue to add to them with time. New People, more desires, more wants. But there is one thing that was a saving grace – whatever I do with a girl, to a girl, I’ll do it when she is awake. When she is conscious. When she can make sense of what is happening. Even if she is drunk, at least she knows. And I’ll never do anything if she passes out. I’ll fuck her in the morning when she wakes up, even if I have to force her, but not when is out of it.
The one saving grace, that I could be brave enough to resist.
She had been this high school crush who I could flirt with once I reconnected with her when we were both in our different colleges. Flirt. Flirt. Flirt. Flirt sexually. And it became more fun to talk to her. She could be fap material, and she was that for a long time. Before she became a virtual fuck buddy, that one night when I turned her. And we sexted the entire night. It didn’t matter that she had a bf, it didn’t matter that I had a gf. We sexted, and I got to know she had rapekink.. and she was irresistible. Four years, an on again off again virtual fuck relationship with her, disappointing that I could never be where she was when we were on.
And now, finally meeting her when we weren’t really sexting. Being a good guy, and laughing with her. Maybe we can be friends after all. I didn’t intend to do anything to her right now, I would masturbate later over the things I could have done, I should have done to her.
She trusted me with her secrets, even about the guys she wanted. Called me after she was drunk and I could literally talk to her and jerk off as I could talk more openly about fucking her.
But I have to get her home now that she is drunk. Not home, her hostel. Her roommate lets me in, and I think about the wacky relationship with her as I put her down. I haven’t seen her naked, but I’ve always wanted her so much.
I should leave, but I just… Couldn’t. Holding her hand, I didn’t want to let go. Soft, warm, welcoming. Would I even be meeting her again?
And my saving grace.. it fell apart.
My lust took over completely, maybe just feel up her arm, just.. her boobs over her dress, maybe.. her bare boobs, or her thighs, and here I am. Her top pulled up, jeans and panties pulled down, and me just.. mauling her, groping her. I didn’t even know how long it took to do this, and when I lost all sense of caution and I was sucking her boobs like I always told her I would. She used to send me pictures of her waist, to tell me that she made improvement on her abs, and now I can feel them, and the pussy they led down to. She was a toy, me opening her cunt, I’ll remember this. I’ll remember her this way. I tasted her, I sucked her, I just couldn’t stop. I went up to her mouth and kissed her, getting naked. This is all I wanted, and we did use to talk about it. I don’t want her out of it, I want her to be feisty, but that doesn’t mean I will stop. Doesn’t mean I could stop. The kind of things I imagined doing to her, slapping her face with my dick, probing my dick against her lips. I did it all. She was… My slut. Mrinalini, my fucking slut
I did it all.. I didn’t fuck her, I could never be sure that she wasn’t a virgin, but I did everything I could do. Her boobs, her inner thighs, her lips, her neck. Just… What have I done
I looked at her, having cum on her face, her compromised and used. Me naked next to her, I didn’t have any saving grace. I pulled her to me and squeezed her against me
You can never know, Mrinalini. And I can never forget.
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/m3agr6/how_do_i_even_stop