[FM] How did I wind up with a hot girl seventeen years younger than me?

First time posting here, so go easy one me. This might be a bit long winded, stick with me.

I was 42 years old and living a great life. Wonderful wife and three young kids I love dearly. A beautiful home (major city in Midwest) and a successful business career (VP of Finance for a publicly traded company). Life was rolling. Then the unthinkable happens, complete and utter tragedy hits. My wife is diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and an intense treatment ensues. It doesn’t matter, we lose her in less than a year. The trauma is extreme for me and my kids. I am initially in denial, but quickly move to extreme fear about raising these kids on my own. I am blessed to be surrounded by family members who step in the help manage all aspects of family life. Thank god for them. They made things as “normal” as could be. They took on so much, school and sports pickup schedules, meals, sleepovers with cousins, you name it. An amazing response and they probably saved my kids long term mental health.

In the weeks and months following Erin’s death, I would seek outlets to coup with the loss. I drank my ass off, I worked out daily and I jerked off all the time. I’m talking two or three times a day, everyday. After masturbating, I would feel extreme guilt, like thinking about other women somehow was me cheating on Erin. But that didn’t stop my libido or need to distract myself, I continued with the frequent self-pleasure. After six or seven months, porn started to lose its effect. And I hadn’t had any intimate physical contact in a year and a half. I started trolling dating websites, tinder and seeking arrangements. These sites became a new source of fap material. I had no intention of dating or otherwise getting involved. But, in the back of my head, I knew I needed physical intimacy. I’m a red blooded Americana male, after all. Erin would understand, I tried to tell myself. Fuck, I miss her. Why the fuck am I in this position, I never asked for it and I don’t deserve this.

I continue to troll the dating sites, but cannot wrap my head around how I could start dating, especially this soon. At the same time, Erin’s sister is asking me when I’m going to date again. She is super real and practical about it. I still can’t handle the though. I need intimacy, I need connection, but I can’t think of a relationship or, my god, introducing a new woman to my kids. I won’t put them through that, not yet.

So, I start gravitating towards Seeking Arrangements and Miss Travel, checking the sites daily. I take the plunge and post pictures and write a profile. I even pay the subscription to SA. I start to filter the SA different ways. I start questioning myself, how am I going to do this? I can’t be seen in a restaurant or out and about with a random woman. What will people say if I see someone that I know. I quickly decide to filter to another middle sized city that is within a few hours driving time.

I start messaging women in the 25-35 age range. I am writing direct and polite messages with a bit of humor. I am shocked to get responses from some women that I otherwise though were out of my league. I continue talking with one in particular. Kelly is 26 years old and a a smoke show blonde with an hourglass figure and a gorgeous face. Have to say, her huge tits were a tractor beam for me. We agree to a meet in greet in a nice bar in her town. I make up an excuse about an urgent work related matter and my family members happily take the kids overnight. I make the two hour drive on a Friday afternoon. I planned on spending the night out of town. I figured that after the meet and greet, I would just have a relaxing night off.

The entire drive, I’m freaking out. I go between states of arousal thinking about Kelly to bouts of sadness thinking if Erin would be disappointed in what I’m doing. I finally my hotel, get organized, and head out to meet Kelly. I give me self a pep talk and decide to go through with the meeting. Holy fuck, I can’t believe I’m going out to drinks with a girl 17 years my junior, I’m such a scumbag. She is meeting me for money. Don’t be a loser. Oh man, she is so hot though. I’m not forcing her to do this. And this is just a meet and greet. Quit being such a pussy and get on with it.

I make it to the date a few minutes early, but Kelly is already there. Holy shit is she hot. Wearing a floral / print dress showing off her legs and chest. She is about 5’5”, I would estimate about 125lbs, with a large chest (34/36 D range). She looks better than her pictures. Funny enough, as I sit down, she says the same to me. For my description, I’m a little over 5’10” and 195 lbs. I’m pretty muscular from years of weights and combat sports (boxing and jiu jitsu mainly). I have black hair, blue eyes and a fairly pale complexion.

We hit it off right away. Kelly is hilarious, we like the same types of shows, she is well traveled for her age (I’ve seen the world through my job) and we are both baseball fans. The drinks start to flow, and before too long we are sitting down to dinner. I lay out to her what I want. I practiced this on the drive into town. I’m looking to see her 3-4 times a month. She will get a monthly stipend. We will go to events, concerts. If things go well, we may travel in the future. These things would be on my dime. However, I will expect intimacy once we are comfortable with one another. It felt really icky saying this, but is it what I wanted and needed.

After laying out my case, she cast a gorgeous smile. She said she thought I was hot and was excited to progress with me. We started talking more and I opened up (somewhat) about my personal situation. She was beyond empathetic and could not believe how long it had been since I had been with someone. She had a way about it that made me feel better, like I wasn’t scum for wanting this. Her eyes then locked onto mine. The kind of look that immediately made my dick move. Within a few seconds I was as hard as a diamond in an ice field. Raging boner. Kelly looked at me and said “do you want some company tonight?”. I couldn’t order the check fast enough.

Ok, this was a lot of background. Not sure if anyone will even want to hear about me. Should I keep going? If yes, I’ll post more tomorrow.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/lzkr9q/fm_how_did_i_wind_up_with_a_hot_girl_seventeen