Bedroom encounter for her (re-written)

Hi All,

Got some good responses last time. But realized I need to improve in a number of areas. So I’ve re-written my first story, change the perspective and just want to see how it goes? Let me know your thoughts…

I open the door and slowly walk in; I notice you there on your phone, laying comfortably on your back, phone in one hand and the other pleasing her, you look up at me. I’m 6’3 and solid built, wearing tracksuit pants and a shirt. My eyes focus on you and your body and, I notice you touching yourself. My cock starts to grow, I reach down and hold him. I notice your eyes follow, seeing it through my pants, slowly growing, you bite your lips and your eyes lust at him. As you do this, I move towards you and begin crawling down in between your legs, my eyes see your panties and hand over your clit, I pause half crawl.

They are wet from touching yourself.

You catch me biting my lip, you see me salivate and breathe heavy. I can feel your eyes on me, but I stare at your pussy, my hand grabs your inner thigh and lifts your leg on my shoulder, I begin kissing my way down. Using my lips, tip of my tongue and slowly moving in and occasionally biting you from my hunger. As I move towards her, my lust grows. Thinking about her in my mouth, the feel, the taste…

As I get closer, I kiss around and feel the fabric with my lips. I navigate my tongue to the sides, tracing the outline of fabric and skin. The saltiness of you fills my mouth. I move my hands on your inner thighs and force them apart, almost holding my weight against them, gaining more access to her where I can. I force my tongue in, slide underneath and edge closer to where your hand was previous. I taste you, feel you on my tongue and the urges I felt initially grow. I leave as my tongue hits its limit and move central on top of your wet spot. I feel your softness on my lips, I navigate and feel her presents, a firm part of you opens like a flower. I rub my tongue over her, just feeling it pass over. Tongue still out, it moves to your stomach and then I begin biting you gently. Out of lust, you feel my teeth gently run back down over your stomach, and hook onto the fabric and begin pulling them down your legs, exposing your pussy. My eyes lock on her, as I see the wetness slowly ooze out of you. My hunger grows and I become animalistic!

I work slow, holding myself back and starting again. kissing, and now gently biting, I cannot resist and drop my weight in front of you, with my mouth just off your pussy. I breathe heavy over her, feel the warmth of my breathe and the sweet smell of your cum. As I pant with desire, my tongue slowly edges over her, tracing your labia. Feeling it gently with my tongue, I can just taste you. Sweet, salty, and delectable. My hands slide back, and grab your ass, again parting your legs, as I feast on you. My hands hold your soft skin in them, wanting to feel more they squeeze. My tracing of her, begins to change and my tongue starts entering inside. I stretch it deep in you, mixing our juices together, in a moist and trance-instated bliss. From deep inside, I place pressure up with my tongue and slide it firmly up and out of you. Feeling her run over my tongue and I lick your cum out and inside me. Running past your clit, I feel your hips move and your back arch. I moan over her as my tongue exits and watch as shivers run down your spine. Our eyes contact and I see the lust in you grow and become me. Not stopping there, I continue, repeating the steps previous. Entering deep and out, until your shivers subside and the animal in you appears…

I watch you ache and desire more. But my intentions are different, I am wanting to edge you on the brink of an orgasm. I want to see you cry, as I tease you into my own subservient princess. My tongue learns you, feels your movements and listens to your moans of pleasure. I feel her grow over my mouth and taste your cum as it exits into me. My tongue begins rubbing your clit, holding pace, and feeling you release. I listen to your breathing, and change pace as I begin to hear you hold. I tease you on the edge, until I feel your hands and hips start taking control. Grabbing my head and forcing your pelvis into my mouth, ravaging me, and turning me into your personal toy.

My cock is hard, and I feel the precum against my pants. It hurts, as it needs to be released as bad as her. My control is other worldly, as I magically keep myself in order. I move my hips to release pressure, but he is wanting to enter inside her. Feel her warmth envelope him, the moist walls stretch over him, feel her pulsate on him and, try to milk him inside her. These thoughts send me wild; I firmly lick deep inside again and exit aggressively. I sit up, on my knees and begin to remove my top. I watch you scream and the anger in you want to rip the skin off my body. I lift my shirt only halfway, blinded and feel your hands release him. And warmth covers the head of my cock and then down the shaft. I remove my top and watch you hunger over him. You swallow him, and I feel your throat on his head. I try and trace with my mind, the movements of your tongue. Feeling it wave over him, and around my head. He grows in your mouth as you take control.

I close my eyes as I continue to trace. I move my hands to your head and hold you. Pushing you deep, and then releasing your hold on him. Moving my hands to your shoulders and pushing you back. You lay down in front of me, pussy moving, aching for me to enter. We both gaze at each other, moist and aroused. I drop and move my tongue over your clit and rub her. I want to see you arch and ache again. Only keeping it short, I slowly walk my tongue up your body and to your breasts. Feeling your pelvis lift and try to find my cock, that touches the insides of your thighs. Leaving its mark with drops of precum and your saliva. I run my mouth in a circular motion over your breast, gradually working my way to your nipple. Before my tongue reaches, pulling back and starting again on the other side. Before moving my hands over them, and squeezing you breasts firmly together and sharing my mouth on each nipple. My tongue then slides down your cleavage, with my mouth landing at the base of your neck. I then slowly run my tongue in a circular motion over your pulse and bite!

My cock feels heat radiating around its head. I fell your labia brush past, leaving a mix of juices on him. Your hips lock on and move towards him. You take hold of my cock with your pussy aching and impatience, sends him on the same journey as my mouth, but fails to enter inside. My mouth moves up and reaches your lips. Where we passionately kiss… As we suck and bite each other in passion. Magically my cock finds the entrance and stops. The head of my cock pulses, as it just starts to enter you. I pause, sit up slightly, and look back. With the head of my cock about to enter inside you, your hips moving trying to take me. I watch you ache for him and squirm, this makes my cock grow harder and he enters just a bit more. You force your pelvis on him! I listen to you gasp, moan, and shake on my cock. I feel you squeeze him and watch your back arch. I move one hand to hold myself up and the other to your leg wanting to position itself to feel more. Holding it steady, I slowly start slowly fucking your wet, creamy pussy… I feel you grip, ooze, and pulsate on him. I move steady, and I gaze in a trance in your eyes. Your hand reaches down, I feel your finger graze my cock and feel you grip my cock harder. I keep pace, as I watch you reach the goal, I’ve teased you with…

Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/kq0cxp/bedroom_encounter_for_her_rewritten