I was diagnosed with a rare form of erectile dysfunction. Lignum phallus inordinationem. The disease is found in only 2 out of every 1 trillion people. I am unable to have an erection. When I become sexually aroused my whole body stiffs up and I transform into a coat hanger.
I was horribly desperate for some kind of treatment for my disorder. I was willing to turn anywhere. Online I found a support group that met near where I live.
“We have a little group that meets Mondays and Thursdays”, my email correspondent told me “I would love to see you there some time.”
When I arrived for the meetings I discovered people who suffered just like me. They faced medical dilemmas I had never thought possible. There was a man whose penis would transform into an elephant trunk and then he would ejaculate butterflies instead of cum. There was a woman with breasts that would transform into watermelons and then fall off. She wouldn’t cum unless someone ate them. Another lady said that she had no vagina at all. Only a lump. She said she would cum when people played with her hair. It was insane and with my special form of erectile dysfunction I fit right in.
One night I let the group in on my sexual frustration. They had all found a way to reach climax despite their medical circumstances. Meanwhile, I hadn’t cum since my wife left me for a hot shot snake milker. It had been months. I wanted to know if there were any pointers to help me “get there.”
“You just have to find what sort of methodology works for you.” Nancy, a group member, told me “Don’t be afraid if it’s weird.” She continued. I’d caught glances from her before. She had a condition a lot like mine. When she was aroused she would transform into a beautiful fedora.
“Maybe I just need a bit of help.” I told her. “Someone who’s not afraid if it’s weird?”
“M-maybe.” She said to me, becoming noticeably aroused,”Maybe I can help…”
The words escaped her mouth with a pacing heart. Blood filled her cheeks. In the middle of a counseling session in front of everyone she was coming on to me?
She must have been because the very next moment she was gone and a tight black beautiful fedora sat in her chair.
I grabbed the hat, lifting it into the air and pushing it down onto my head. What was I doing? I mean she was coming on to me but was this too much? Openly placing myself inside her infront of everyone?
I transformed into the coat hanger.
The warm tight fedora hung from one of my anchors as my clothes dropped to the floor. I started to feel, for the first time in months, a sensation of pleasure. My oak wood body was pulsating as the warm tight hat rocked, ever so slightly, on my hard stiff anchor. She was black and curved from the top to the sunblocker. A lace and bowe were tide across her middle. She moved and stretched around my anchor, rocking up and down on me. I was losing it. This fucking hat was going to make me cum. I could feel the gaze of everyone in the group as I reached closer to climax. I was really going to cum infront of everyone. God it felt so hot. I pulsed and ached. My oak body exploded into a million shards of sawdust and covered the entire room.
Everyone was staring at us. I was transformed back into a human and, looking up at her tight fedora shaped pussy, I could see Nancy had transformed back as well.
That’s when everyone dropped the charade. This was never a counseling group. This was an orgy.
All at once these sexually frustrated “broken toys” jumped on each other. The watermelon woman was twirling a lock of hair around her finger while the woman who got off on people playing with her hair was going down on a juicy wet sticky watermelon slice.
The man who could only orgasm if someone recited quotes from George Lucas’s Star Wars prequels was being told how awful and coarse sand is while the woman who can feel no sensation from bodies of mass but only from photons of light was being butt fucked by a laser pointer.
The whole group exploded in cum, sawdust, and butterflies. This had been the point all along. I was finally home.
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/jybh2y/a_coat_rack_has_sex_with_a_hat_honestly_idek_with
This is the funniest shit I’ve ever read on this sub. Thank you