My First Erotic Literature, Criticism is Appreciated!

After a long day, being in his arms felt euphoric, his hands wandering all over her back as she rested her head on his chest. Her own hand was rubbing his chest but was starting to rub suggestively low, hoping he would realize how much she wanted him inside her. She waited just another moment to see if he would make the first move or leave it up to her.
Her impatience won and she started kissing his chest. Looking up with fuck me eyes, she starts kissing her way down his chest. Slowly, teasingly, making her way down to his stomach making sure to kiss every inch on the way down. If he was going to do all the work she was going to be a tease about it, making him wait as much as she could handle. Feeling his skin change as she gets closer to his cock makes her mouth water, until she finally gets to her prize.
She gently takes his cock in her hand, bringing it to her lips so she can continuing kissing until she gets to the very tip. Her tongue starts with little licks but quickly starts wrapping itself around the head of his cock in long strokes. He’s rock hard when she finally swallows as much of him as she can. His moan made her giggle, her head bobbing up and down, saliva starting to make it’s way to his balls. With her free hand she fingers her clit, wet from her aroused pussy.
Realizing he was getting closer than she wanted she slowed the pace of his fellatio. Taking her hand from her clit she started gently caressing his balls, looking up into his face and moaning as load as she can until his cock slips down her throat and gags her. She knew the vibrations from her throat would drive him crazy as she moved her head slowly and purposefully down his length. Choking herself as she struggles to get him further down her cock until her eyes water.
Slowly she lifts herself up and crawls up the length of his body. They both take a moment to laugh as she has to wipe the saliva from her chin and chest, then she climbs on top of him as he guides his cock into her waiting pussy. After a few moments without any stimulation her pussy is hungry to be filled by him, sliding herself down until she is resting on his hips. Before she starts riding him she grinds herself against his pelvis driving herself crazy.
Her favorite part of this position is how his hands on her tits, grabbing them and pulling on her nipples. He knew it made her cum so much faster, but after her sucking he was ready to blow inside her. Her breathing quickly became harder as she started riding him with all of her effort. She was starting to get louder getting closer to screaming than moaning.
“Cum for me, Sexy.” Those words drove her crazy. Even during vanilla sex she loved it when his dominance slipped in. She felt herself start to pulse, her nipples felt amazing in his fingertips, but as she started to loose control he moved them to her hips. With a few strong upward thrusts from him he joins her orgasm with his own. She loves the feeling of his cum shooting into her and is smiling as she collapses on top of him.
Resting her head on his chest she listens to his heart start to slow while his cock becomes soft inside her. He wraps his arms around her and holds her until his cum starts to leak out of her and she rolls over onto her back. He hands her a bowl and she decides to let his cum make a mess. Maybe he will fuck her sloppy pussy again…

Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/jgob1a/my_first_erotic_literature_criticism_is

1 comment

  1. This is so much better than most of the stories I read on here. Bad grammar and horrid sentence structure is just so hard for me to sift through, but you honestly killed it. My only tip, and I realize this is an individual preference, but break up your paragraphs with another space so that they don’t touch. Just makes reading easier and in those moments where I close my eyes and imagine being in the story, it makes finding where I left off much quicker.

    I also just wrote my first 2 stories, feel free to let me know your thoughts! Great job, again!

Comments are closed.