My relationship with the Colombian jazz singer had just ended (see episode #2), and it was time for winter break in my sophomore year of college. My older brother was a hippie world traveler, so I decided to tap his expertise and take a month long trip to Peru. Why Peru? Well, Lima has cheap airfare from NYC and I spoke some Spanish. It had absolutely NOTHING to do with my latina ex-girlfriend.
My Colombian ex had boosted my self esteem by telling me how attractive I was, and saying that my “type” was very popular in latin america. I definitely noticed it as soon as I arrived. Girls would stare and smile at me as I walked around Lima on the first day. In the evening, I was hanging out on a bench in a square near my hotel, and a girl sat right next to me and struck up a conversation. She was from Lima, was asian, and spoke several languages including English. I was emboldened by all the girls smiling at me all day, so I asked her to come back to my hotel room. She did.
At this point I had been awake for almost 48 hours, having flown in on a red eye the previous night. So needless to say I was not exactly at peak performance. And this girl was acting a little strange too. She was very eager and aggressive on the one hand, coming back to my hotel about 45 minutes after meeting me, but she was also sort of reluctant to actually do much. This is all fine, and I didn’t expect that she owed me sex because she had come to my room or anything. But she just gave me a really weird vibe. She kept asking me to lick her tits but didn’t want to do much else. Eventually she took off her pants, spread her legs for me, and said “I will give you what you want.” But it was like she wasn’t even enjoying it – totally confusing for me. I put a condom on and fucked her, but I was so exhausted that I only lasted about a minute before I came. It was definitely my worst sexual performance ever in my life.
After I came, I rolled over and felt incredibly tired – like way way more tired than I have ever felt. She stared reciting poetry in German. Eventually she stopped and asked if I was asleep. I mumbled something to let her know I was awake, and she asked me to take her home. Now, instead of just calling her a cab, I somehow thought it would be a good idea to go *with* this woman I had never met before, in a taxi, to an unknown address somewhere in Lima, in the middle of the night. I guess it was the adventurous spirit of youth.
In the end nothing bad happened – I just dropped her off with her Mom (really weird that her mom was waiting there on the street for her in the middle of the night, and she felt comfortable introducing me right after our shitty hookup) and the taxi took me back to my hotel. But something always seemed really off about that night. However much Peruvian women were into blonde guys at that time, I’m not *that* good looking, so it’s weird that she even came back to the room with me at all.
It’s likely that it felt weird because I was just really tried and bad at sex that night. But years later I stumbled upon an alternative explanation, and I submit it to you here, dear reader:
https://www.pri.org/stories/2013-06-17/colombia-beware-zombie-drug
*One infamous case involved three young Bogota women who preyed on men by smearing the drug on their breasts and luring their victims to take a lick. “Losing all willpower, the men readily gave up their bank access codes. The breast-temptress thieves then held them hostage for days while draining their accounts,”*
Did I narrowly avoid a mugging, or was I just a really shitty lover that night? Probably the second one. But you never know.
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/jgv8ym/mf_all_my_hookups_3_the_girl_in_lima