Don’t know why, but this morning I’ve been mentally playing back a bunch of sexual experiences I haven’t thought about in years, and one that keeps popping up is the time I spent with a gorgeous transman FWB. As a warning, this happened about 20 years ago, when I was in college, at a time when I wasn’t super secure in my sexuality and when I was pretty ignorant when it came to transpeople. This story has some mis-gendering in it, because I was young and stupid.
As with the other stuff I’ve been posting today, part 1 is the set-up. If you want to skip to smut, read part 2.
Basically, I had known that I was some brand of bi since I was a kid, but it wasn’t really until I was in college that I in any way explored my sexuality. I held on to some latent self-loathing homophobia, though, and my first few years of same sex play were pretty awkward.
In college, my group of friends was a mix of other students and townies that we regularly went to happy hour with at this redneck bar in the middle of nowhere. At one of these happy hours, a townie friend of mine brought along her childhood friend Alex. Alex was shorter than me (5’6″ to my 5’10”), and I probably had 50 lbs on him, but he looked like a stone-cold lumberjack – chiseled jaw, full, bushy beard, broad chest, thick biceps covered in tats, and a steely gaze that could burn a whole in you. He was also, as it turned out, a volunteer firefighter who was training to be a smoke-jumper, which means he was pretty much the biggest badass I had ever met.
Even though I didn’t have a lot of male friends, he and I hit it off right away. We shared a ton of similar interests, and the conversation was super easy. I suspected he might be gay (I still identified as straight), because there were a couple of times when we’d be tossing back beers and he would squeeze my thigh in passing or touch my chest when he laughed. It didn’t bother me, though – to each their own.
One day, after we had known each other for a few weeks, we were hanging out at his apartment in town, playing some Goldeneye on N64 (which should date me pretty well), and he abruptly stopped the game we were playing and started to look super worried. After coaxing him to be comfortable with me and tell me what was on his mind, he asked quietly, “Emily told you I’m a trans guy, right?”
Honestly, I didn’t know what he meant, thinking it had something to do with his firefighting training, so I confessed my cluelessness. It was clearly a conversation he had had before and which he really dreaded. “I mean I wasn’t born biologically male.” Because I was too ignorant to know better, I sort of sputtered, “You mean, you’re like a hermaphrodite?!” He looked wounded, and I instantly knew I had fucked up. “Jesus,” he said, shaking his head. “No, I mean, I am a man who spent my childhood in a female body. Does that make sense?!”
Stupidly, I didn’t know what to say, so I responded, “Shut the fuck up. Really? No way.” I could tell I had offended him, but I legitimately had no idea how to process what he was telling me. “Yeah,” he responded. Trying to course correct, I replied, “I had no idea, man.” Then, with an awkward laugh, I continued, “I’m a theatre major, and you’re seriously the manliest dude I know. I just kind of thought you were gay or something.”
He was getting frustrated, moved closer to me until his face was almost touching mine, and said, “But I AM gay. Is that going to be a problem?!” I realized somewhere around this point that I had been acting like a dipshit until now and quickly exclaimed, “Fuck no, man. It’s totally cool. I’m sorry. I just don’t think I totally understand.”
He tossed his controller down and stared at me with a mixture of hurt and anger. “What is there to understand? I’m a gay guy whose body just looks a little different than other gay guys’.” Then, he paused, “And I’m a gay guy with a wicked crush on you. I thought you knew.”
His hand was gripping my knee at this point, and I could feel his breath, hot and ragged against my face. My stomach was doing flipped. I was out of my depth, and I didn’t know if I was having a harder time processing Alex’s gender or the fact that a gay, not-woman/man liked me in that way.
I must have looked terrified, because his eyes got glassy, and all I could think to say was, “But I’m not–” and then his lips were on mine, and I felt his beard scratch at my bare cheek while his strong, calloused hands closed on the sides of my head. The cognitive dissonance of this ultra-masculine dude came into conflict with the plush softness of his lips and the tenderness of his eyes. I felt his tongue dart out and probe my lips furtively, causing me to draw back reflexively.
Embarrassment washed over his face. “I’m sorry,” he sighed, “I know you’re straight. I’m sorry.” To my surprise, I felt my own hand reach out and slide across his thigh as I responded, “Honestly, I don’t know that I am.”
To be continued…
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/j66r9z/mt_pegged_by_a_transman_firefighter_part_1