An Excerpt from my lesbian fantasy piece – please give feedback!

I just want to see what people think of my sexy writing. I haven’t written the scenes before and after this beyond outline form yet, as they are just normal fantasy storytelling and I wanted to give the sex scene writing a shot.

Before this scene, Valentine, a rather plain young woman, was on her way to go live with a family friend after her father died. The trader caravan she was traveling with abandoned her during a rest stop and she gets lost in the woods. After an encounter with Mushroom Sprites and and magical vines, she is helped by Miss Evelynn, a beautiful witch who turns out to be the friend she is going to meet. After returning to Miss Evelynn’s cottage and having a meal and a bath, Valentine is trying settle in to sleep…

—–

Valentine crawled into bed, sinking into the downy mattress and pulling the colorful patchwork blanket up to her chin. Between getting lost, being caught by the vines, the ordeal with the Mushroom Sprites, and meeting Evelynn, she was exhausted and thought she would fall instantly asleep the moment she blew out the lamp and her head nestled into the goosefeather pillow. Yet, she found herself awake, eyes wide open looking around the room in the silver moonlight filtering through the curtains. The bed was soft, the blanket warm, but somehow she could not get comfortable. There was a restlessness in her, a need for something, a slow growing warmth in her lower stomach. She tried to ignore it, closing her eyes and slowing her breathing in an effort to push away the wanton feeling. *How could I be like this now?* She wondered, rolling over trying to find a comfortable position but to no avail. The feeling in her stomach, between her legs, in her breast was growing more intense, and she squirmed as though to get away from it. *What is this? Why? Why… all I want is to…*

The feeling had spread to her entire body, the desire for release growing by the moment. The loose shorts and gauzy nightshirt felt too tight and the touch of the soft linen sheets against her skin was almost too much for her to bear. She threw the quilt off, feverish despite the cool room, and sat up against the oak headboard. By then she was desperate, her breath shallow and ragged as she pushed the nightshirt up and caressed her breast, slowly circling her thumb around her already hard peak. She awkwardly tugged at the waist of the shorts with her free hand, undoing the tie and plunging between her thighs. Her fingers came away slick and shiny in the moonlight, and she stared numbly at them a moment before shoving the light fabric just far enough down her legs to give herself easy access to her petals.

Light caresses between her lips elicited small gasps. She was no stranger to this sort of pleasure, being a healthy young woman after all, but she had never felt a desire this strong in her entire life, nor had she ever had sensations this intense. As her fingers quickened, circling the now firm bud at the top of her slit, she dimly wondered what could possibly have brought this on. Valentine bit her lip, trying to quell the cries that rose in her throat, mortified that she might disturb her hostess with such unseemly sounds. Try as she might, the still rising and still unsatisfied urges welled within her, and Valentine dared to press harder on her clit and speed her fingers to chase ecstasy and release.

By then her skin was slick with sweat, and her brown locks stuck to her forehead and crimson flushed cheeks. She tried to choke down a loud moan as the stronger touch pushed her over the edge, but try as she might her desperate cries filled the small bedroom despite clamping her teeth on her lip nearly hard enough to draw blood. It was not enough though. The fiery heat still filled her, and after a few gasped breaths she ran her fingers between her petals again in earnest. She let go of her breast, clamping her hand over her mouth in a further effort to stifle the noise.

She was about to climax again when the room echoed with the sound of slipper-clad footsteps in the hall. Valentine froze as the door swung open and Miss Evelynn’s face appeared in the now open door, her face bathed in the yellow light of an oil lamp.

“Valentine? Valentine are you alright-” her voice faltered when the light of the lamp fell across the shameful scene of Valentine sprawled on the bed, flushed and disheveled with her hand between her milky thighs.

—–

After this, Evelynn soothes Valentine’s needs, and afterward over relaxing tea explains the nature of magic, and how wielding it is intimately intertwined with sexual energy and release and can build up in those with the talent…

Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/izyse2/an_excerpt_from_my_lesbian_fantasy_piece_please